In the Mood!

Did you ever get into the mood to clean your house? I mean one of those moods where you start out by sweeping up spilled Meow Mix and end up renting a steam cleaner for the rug. I am in that mode and I can’t seem to get out of it. For the past two days I’ve been cleaning and doing laundry that doesn’t need to be done. I’m even washing floor mats and closeted blankets.

I’m pretty much to the point where the only thing left is a bedroom that I use for storage. I’ve been storing my messes there since last summer. I love having an entire room to throw stuff in, until it comes time to clean the room. If I become obsessed with cleaning again, who knows? But chances are pretty good that today is NOT the day that the back bedroom gets cleaned up. I wouldn’t mind if it weren’t so cold in there or if I had someplace to put the stuff. But, if I had a place for the stuff that I throw in that room, I would have put it IN the correct place to begin with. I only toss really off the wall stuff in there like off season clothes and a desk with no drawers that I can’t seem to throw away. It’s not that I WON’T…I literally CANNOT throw it away. That’s it, the next man to walk into my house is helping me with that desk. And, since I can’t do that right now, there’s no reason to start moving all of the mess up to the attic yet.

Damn, the attic. For years I never went there. I would have no reason to. And over the years a lot of stuff was put in the attic. Oh, and during all of that time, absolutely nothing came OUT of the attic. For years I watched my ex stick boxes up there but I never remember him taking anything down once it has found it’s way up there. Well, the Christmas stuff came down but it pretty much went right back up there. I have no clue what’s in those boxes. For all I know Jimmy Hoffa’s head is up there. On the rare occasion that I have to visit the attic, I don’t venture off of the ladder thing that pulls down from the ceiling. I’ll go up far enough to where my waist is even with the attic “floor”. I don’t have any reason to go back any further and I dread the day that I have to.

Oh! That attic “floor” isn’t a floor, is it? I’m not sure what it is but it looks like rodent heaven. OMG…the spiderwebs, flying dust-bunnies and the possible mouse will keep me out of the attic for years…and they did. But now I’m here alone and I have to handle attic related issues and it’s dreadful. If I had to go up there, I suppose that I could walk along the wood panels, but the way the roof is shaped, I would have to hold on with my hands at some point. First of all, I couldn’t touch those “walls” with my hand if I wanted to. I have a deep and abiding fear of bugs, rodents and very small things with tails. If a horse was an inch high, I would have to have someone step on it for me. I can’t do it myself, I hate the crunch under my foot and I’m too afraid to approach anything that needs squishing. The next fear I would have to get over if I were to go into the attic is the fear of something poking it’s head out of that fluffy stuff and biting my ankle. That would mess me up for life. It’s not a chance that I care to take.

Anyway, I’m not going to bother with that room today. I’d rather take stuff out of cabinets and wipe down shelves. Actually, I might do just that! My word, I think I have a plan then.

Before I start cleaning, I have to get bored and for that I just turn the television on. Within 10 minutes I start to think, “What a hideous waste of time!” That’s when I start the cleaning jag. So I’m sorry, but I have to go bore myself so that I can wash shelves!

Poontang mints…without Retsyn

I actually have a date for today. I’m still in my jammies, I need to take a shower and that dude will be here in 45 minutes. But you…my blog buddies…deserve at least a quick hello. Although this guy seems really interested, these things usually don’t work out and after he’s gone, you guys will still be here so, I came here first.

Yesterday I was folding laundry with the TV on and I couldn’t zap the commercials easily. I rarely, extremely rarely, watch commercials. I cannot abide them. When you’re a bitch like I am, you tend to get irritated by stupid stuff and 99.999 % of them are really, really stupid.

I’ve been around long enough to have seen marketing for feminine hygiene products that are totally unnecessary. Like a douche for instance. That’s not at all good for women but a bunch of them do it all the time. Douching is really a medical thing like enemas…you should only do it if your doctor tells you to. But women everywhere “don’t feel clean without a douche”. Well, that’s what the force does to weak minds.

They have special soap for douching and other such needless stuff. A good shower is all any of us need. They have products that have the same pH as vagina. Well, before the chick douched, she HAD a perfect pH in her vagina. Such silliness. I believe I’ve seen deodorant specifically made for South of the border. What the hell is going on that these women need douches, sprays and now the “after cleansing/sex/shower/itchy crotch syndrome mint”? That’s a helluva lot of stuff and if that’s the solution, I don’t want to SEE the problem.

Douches are today’s Pet Rock.

Anyway, the commercial I heard was for ANOTHER poontang maintenance thing…I think it was called Re-pHresh. I forget…but it was a product you used to make you feel clean after a night of unexpected sex if you don’t have time for a douche. You just stick one of those suckers up there and let it dissolve just as you would a Certs with Retsyn. It’s a poontang mint is what it is.

Oh, I give up. There are going to be women who think that shoving mints up their vagina is a good thing and nothing I can say will stop them. THOSE are the chicks who douche now and swear by it. Someone, sometime, will tell me that it’s not only OK, but necessary. Uh uh. Don’t bother…I have a college degree in such matters.

How about this for an idea, a wash cloth and a bar of soap!!! You know, that’s just nutty enough to work.

Avoid testicles outside of the scrotum

The Beverly Hilton is one of the nicest hotels in the LA area. The environment is one of class and sophistication. But, in honor of the new President, some pin head in the kitchen came up with this gem…The Obamurrito. It must have been a really good Obamurrito because they charged 19 bucks for those stupid things.

First of all, I don’t remember anyone serving French Fried Bush at either of the two previous inaugurations. It’s a bit of favoritism and I just wanted to let the Hiltons know that I DID notice that. The fact that they put a sign up that said Obamurrito and then only sold one of them is pretty bad. I would wager that most people wondered if it was a joke or not. Golly, I sure hope there weren’t a lot of beans on that sucker…but I’m sure that the Obamurrito had at least some beans on it.

You would think that any fart producing food would be named after a guy who farts a lot. Like the Peturrito after Peter Griffin in Family Guy. Or even Archuurrito after Archie from All in the Family. (I love all these family shows, don’t you?)

Obama should have a more appropriate menu item created for him, one that signifies change. Maybe something like an Obamelet with the eggs cooked properly at Denny’s. That’d be a change. Or, they could go with his infectious energy and call it Obamuccino…mocha and with a double shot of caffeine.

But still, poor lil’ W hasn’t so much as a meatbush to his name. That’s just wrong. I bet that some liberal meat-head would do it…only he’d serve Blowbush testicles. (You have to be careful with those particular testicles because, “Seven diners in northern Japan fell ill and three remained hospitalized Tuesday after eating blowfish testicles…”) You know, I think I’d just avoid testicles all together, it shouldn’t even be an option when you’re about to eat. And where the hell is the penis? On some other customer’s able with duck sauce and sesame?

How a man can put a testicle between his molars and bite down is simply beyond me. And all the bloody ketchup in the world won’t get me to eat balls. (I mean that literally of course, figuratively speaking, I have been known to grab a scrotum snack every once in a while.)

OK then. I’m going to see if I can find my webcam and make a video so I don’t have to type what I want to tell you, it’s long and involved and a video would be the perfect way to do it. In the meantime, have a nice day and don’t eat any testicles.

I’d miss my anger if I gave it up!

It’s almost 6 PM again and that means it’s bedtime for me. But I didn’t want to crawl into dreamland without popping in and saying hello. I have something specific to tell you, but as I tend to do, I forgot what it was between the living room and the keyboard. Marijuana has nothing to do with it, I’m sure. I might remember, I might not but I guess I can write something anyway.

Oh, I just thought of something, it’s almost exactly 4 years to the day since I started my main blog. If anyone has a 2005 calendar, check it. I started this thing on the last Friday in January 2005. I was very angry back then. Actually, I’m still sort of annoyed at the way my promiscuous husband handled the destruction of our marriage.

I suppose some people are thinking, “Damn girl, get over it!” I would if I thought that there would be something to gain from getting over such a life altering catastrophe. Nope, I’d rather be one ticked off female. It works well for me and I’ve sort of taken my anger and embraced it. It’s all good. I like being bitchy so the anger thing is quite helpful. Of course, I don’t like being bitchy enough to do it if I’m not angry. That’s an art and few have mastered it. Off the top of my head, I can think of Rosie O’Donnell, Ann Coulter and Sally Field. (I met Sally, exactly long enough to read the bitchiness and THAT was almost immediate.)

So, I really can’t get over it yet. I’m just having too much fun with it. I may get bored someday but today is not that day. I think I’m actually supposed to think about the divorce MORE…don’t you dream about things your mind needs to process? I dream that Rick is cheating on me almost every night. I should have seen that for the red flag it was when the dream started while he was still here. But, I AM making progress, last night I asked the mistress if she had to deal with his skid marks and she said, “Oh, yeah! It’s awful! We had a woman to woman moment and it was lovely. Up until last night, I never could pin the tramps down. In the dream, I’m always running after Rick and the “other woman”. Of course, I never catch them but last night I did find occasion to speak to one of his ho’s.

Of course, I wouldn’t be around one of his tramps long enough to discuss skid marks before I would dude-punch her face. (That’s the opposite of a bitch-slap.) I haven’t dude-punched many people at all in my life. Actually, there’s only been one person who I ever dude-punched and that was in self defense. Well, sort of. I didn’t feel like waiting to go on defense so I took the cheap shot and ran like a dog being chased by a giant vacuum cleaner. I was outta there and starting my car before he stood up.

And, yes…the fool had me arrested. I was charged with battery, I think. Whatever…he dropped the charges before court, right before court. The DA spoke to me and then he advised that jack ass to drop the charges and he did. He would have looked pretty stupid in front of a judge, pointing down at me and saying, “She broke my nose!” I’m sure he was disappointed by the DA’s advice, the fool even brought his x-rays to prove that I beaned him a good one. He was gonna prove that I was a dangerous woman. It didn’t even seem to bother him that he would have to say, under oath, “She took me down with one punch.”

Anyway, my point is that I am rarely dangerous. My entire fighting history consisted of that one punch and a roll around in the grass where there was a whole lot of scratching going on. I think I lost that fight because all I remember is Jill Ihrig sitting on my stomach and scratching my face. She must have gotten me good because when my father got home from work, he dragged me and my scratched up face over to the Ihreg’s house and shouted at the mother, “Look at my daughter!” He was angry, I was scared and the kids in the Ihreg house were all hiding but peeking out to see what the angry man was going to do.

OK, two fights…not counting spouses and siblings. Not a bad record for a bitch. Oh, I took a margarita to the face for some other chick who apparently said something nasty to the drink thrower chick who thought that I had spoken the offensive words. Imagine my surprise, a margarita in my face…salt and all. I didn’t even see that one coming. You know, I’m sort of glad that happened because I always wondered what I would do if someone threw a drink in my face. Now I know, I stand there jaw-dropped and stunned. Nothing in me wanted to hit anyone, I’m naturally a very gentle bitch.

So, what was I talking about?

Oh, dude-punching the ho’s…yeah, I think I could do that. I would have loved a chance to hit one of them. Oh, and I should have boxed Rick in the ears for being such an amazing liar. I must say, he was quite good at it. As a matter of fact, thinking about it irritates me so much that I want to fly to Montana, drive into downtown Kallispell, find that sucker and hit him really hard. If I had the money, I certainly would do that. See? The anger IS a good thing, it inspires me.

Damn, damn, damn…I never remembered what I wanted to say so I’ll end this here and think really hard of what it was, I seem to remember that whatever the subject was, it was really good. Oh well, ciao for now!

Black Market finds New Market

Returning to this wasteland that is the dating world has been rather enlightening. The very first lesson that I learned was quite a shock to me. For some reason I thought that men grew out of their groping ways. I don’t know why I thought that, I just did. But, as I quickly learned, they haven’t lost a bit of their old confidence, just their hair.

So, when I read about a community in Florida where the women outnumber the men 10:1, I wasn’t at all surprised to read that men who are even OLDER, like at death’s threshold old, are still seeking that “one-night meaningful relationship.”

And apparently, they don’t want to spend a lot of their Social Security checks in their attempts to conquer an 80 year old woman. “A lot of the men down here are cheaper than heck, and a lot of the women are extremely brazen. Some girls will go into the parking lot with a man and come back a half-hour later like nothing happened!” Well, how can a lady compete with loose women who had breast implants before the Beatles left Liverpool? I saw one of those chicks once, she was lying on her back and she had two rounded things where her boobs should be and if you lifted up her arms, you could find her nipples.

And what the men lack in stamina, they make up for on the black market. “I paid 12 bucks for a single little blue pill.” said one old dude who likes to make the rounds at all of the senior citizen night spots.

That’s just great. Now we’ll have men wielding plumbing long since out of warranty on women hawking parts decommissioned years ago.

It almost sounds like heaven for the decrepit old men, doesn’t it? But there is one huge problem stemming from all of this squeaky old people sex…a local gynecologist reported that she treated “more cases of herpes and human papillomavirus at this particular retirement villages than she did when she worked in Miami.” These people made it through WWII, Korea, Viet Nam, the entire Sexual Revolution, cheating on their spouses and God knows what else. For the better part of a century, these folks avoided the clap and yet they can’t survive widowhood unscathed by any odd lesions, infections or small crawly things. Thank God their parents aren’t around to see what they’ve done.

And shame, shame on those old women! “Whatever you know about 20-year-olds, it’s the same with seniors,” said Roselyn Shelley, a resident of The Villages Retirement Community. You would think that women would have gotten over any self esteem issues before they turned 70. I don’t know why they would service a bunch of cheap old men. At the very least, I would charge the guy a few bucks to make it worth my while.

And of course, where there are women and black-market drugs available, you can expect violence. Local cops do their best to keep the neighborhood safe, but according to Lt. Davis, it’s no picnic. “You see two 70-year-olds with canes fighting over a woman and you think, ‘Oh, jeez.’”

Important Dating Tip For Women Of All Ages: Women, listen to me, if nothing else, get the guy to pick something up at the store for you on their way over to your house. There’s no better time to get a man to pull his wallet out of his pocket. Trust me on that one.

: )

BLOW ME!…The movie

First, we kill all of the conservative talk show hosts…

The President warned us…he said that we would be personally responsible for our small part in a huge team effort to effect “change”. I suggest that we name Obama’s cabinet Team America. Our coach/cheerleader would be Obama and then he can order us to do things. Of course, he has to soften up the enemy a bit first, I think that even Republicans who were in favor of the war in Iraq can appreciate that. In a stroke of genius, Obama came up with a mild mind control tactic that I wager will work quite well. So, yes, he’s using mind control…but in a good way. He’s simply trying to mold us into what he sees as morally correct. It’s quite honorable if you think about it.

Our Representatives…the people from our home towns who are in Congress to represent us, were recently told sternly that “they have to stop listening to Rush Limbaugh if they want to get along with Democrats and the new administration.” I think it’s an excellent idea because it shows the President’s genuine commitment to bi-partisan ideals. I like that in a president.

But, if ignoring Rush is good, then I think that we can do much better ourselves. Let’s stop listening to Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity and Mormons. Obama knows that those shows could be hosted by people of his own choosing. All we have to do is get the current group of racists thrown off the air.

Ideally, we need to get rid of FoxNews altogether but getting rid of people who are just plain WRONG in their opinions is a good start. I applaud the President’s choice, by the way. Rush is an easy one to stomp all over because normal people know that he nuts. Even people who DO listen to him won’t admit it out loud. They know that we will absolutely call them out as the racists that they are.That’s part of OUR responsibility…to make it difficult for Republicans to speak openly by pointing out the undercurrent of racism and intolerance that flows through EVERY SINGLE THING THAT THEY SAY!!!

If Republicans listen to people like Rob Reiner, Mill Maher and Al Franken, they’d see things the same way that Obama sees things. Lord knows, that’s GOT to be a good thing! I agree with everything that he’s said so far and he is one special leader. He’s the kind of leader that you trust enough to offer your blind allegiance. I love that in a President.

I can’t tell you how important is for us to do our part and if we just look to Obama, he will tell us what to do. Some Republican nut job voiced an incorrect opinion and Coach Obama quickly let the Republican know that, “I won,” adding, “I will trump you on that.” I have no idea what the Republican said to get Obama’s dander up but whatever it was, it must have been really, really evil. And to paraphrase Richard Nixon, “If the President does it, it can’t be evil.” So, we know that our Coach will act in our best interests…he’s the President for goodness sakes!

Like the Coach said, “Change won’t happen overnight!” He’s right. We learned that in this scene from Broadcast News which clearly states:

“What do you think the Devil is going to look like if he’s around? Nobody is going to be taken in if he has a long, red, pointy tail. No. I’m semi-serious here. He will look attractive and he will be nice and helpful and he will get a job where he influences a great God-fearing nation and he will never do an evil thing… he will just bit by little bit lower standards where they are important. Just coax along flash over substance… Just a tiny bit. And he will talk about all of us really being salesmen. And he’ll get all the great women.”

Obama is a patient man with a plan, I like that in a President.

So, you might wonder, what can YOU do to help Team America? Well, don’t be afraid to point out injustice and intolerance whenever you see it. Trust your gut, if you KNOW deep inside your heart that the person in front of you is WRONG, then let him know that! Don’t hesitate to call him out for the racist, sexist pig that he is. You have to look closely because some of them don’t discuss race at all. Those are the crafty Republicans. They can appear to be discussing the economy and they might even be good at it. But dig a bit deeper and you’ll find a racist. It never fails. So, if a person calls himself a Republican, a Conservative, a Libertarian or if he is simply spreading his sinister propaganda, have the courage to do what the Coach does, tell your opponent that “WE WON!…And that trumps EVERYTHING!”

Oh, by the way, a great “how-to” manual was written in the 60’s by a man named Ray Bradbury. He called it Fahrenheit 451 and they even made a movie out of it so more people could have access to Bradbury’s method of ending bi-partisanship. You guys should all read that bok, you might just draw some strength from it. It would be so cool if the Coach put a copy on his desk…doncha think?

NSA approves Obama’s New Toy

I just heard that President Obama may have a new toy to replace his beloved Blackberry…Blueberry (whatever). Reports are surfacing that the spies in charge are ready to OK a device that does the work of Obama’s old toy, only more securely.

Now, keep in mind that I do not own a cell phone, I’ve only played with an iPod once and that cured me of ever doing it again. Also, I didn’t have a microwave until the 90’s. I resist change. Well, not all change, I can rejoice in our nation’s first Black president, but I don’t like major change that affects me personally.

Things didn’t change too much when I was a kid. About the only changes that I remember are color TV and push button phones. That’s about it. But those changes didn’t require an inservice. Everyone knew how to operate a TV and a phone…they were just different.

The changes to the phone itself have me totally baffled. Why would anyone want to attach a phone to themselves? Even if you softly whisper, “Tell them I’m not home!”, the caller will hear you. I go to a lot of effort to avoid talking on the phone. If someone should get me on the phone, I spend the entire time trying to hang up politely. Of course, you know me, I’ll give up and be rude if I have to. Some more recent hang up lines that I’ve used:

“I hate talking to people I know…and I don’t even know you.” Click.

If someone fumbles with my name I say, “If you don’t know my name then I KNOW I don’t want to talk to you.” Click.

“You know what? I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out a polite way to get you off of the phone but that rude-ass comment let me off the hook.” Click.

One of my favorites, “Ass sphincter is holding a dead phone up to his ear.” Click.
I sure as hell don’t want to take that show on the road. My kids keep bugging me to get a cell phone…they promise to stop calling the Marietta police from Los Angeles and sending them to my house whenever my phone is off the hook if I let them send me a cell phone. Apparently, I “don’t even have to use it” except for when my daughter calls me. All I’d have to do is keep it on me at all times.

 

Get a grip. I lose my portable phone and it never leaves the house. There is no reason on God’s green earth that I need to carry a phone out into the world. I can search the house, I can’t search the world.

Some changes have been good…I like Caller ID. But other than that, I prefer the phones of old.

I remember when change went from practical to senseless. If memory serves, it all started when they replaced words with pictures on cars. Instead of the word “Lighter”, there was a picture of a flame on the car lighters. Heat, Medium and Cold were controls, not red lines, double red/blue lines and blue lines.

Shortly after that, the Boston Fireman’s hat became the international symbol for “Fire Alarm” in elevators. What if you’ve never been to Boston? How would you know that the picture wasn’t the button to drop hats from the top of the elevator? Hell, for all I know, that’s what it IS for, I’ve never pushed it myself.

Of course, they followed that up by arbitrarily posting Braille messages about cities, airports and other public buildings. That’s actually pretty cold if you ask me. Those messages are sort of the “Where’s Waldo?” of the life saving world. If they made the messages play a Stevie Wonder song, I would understand it. But how on earth are blind people supposed to find their way out of a 17th floor hotel room in the event of a fire?

You know, I think that buttons are on their way out. Buttons, typewriter keys, television controls…all the things that were once controlled by buttons will soon be replaced with touch screens and voice recognition programs. That’s cool because I am one of those people who absolutely CANNOT throw a button away. So, I have buttons from way back. Maybe my button collection will be worth something someday. I think I’ll leave it to my granddaughter.

Ah, my coffee is good. I made it in my 50 year old percolator. If you haven’t seen it, this is a lesson in the history of coffee:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lS778KkrjjE

That is some good coffee!

Here’s hoping that you are making the best of today that you can. Carpe Diem!

NSA Approves Obama’s New Toy

President Obama may have a new toy to replace his beloved Blackberry…Blueberry (whatever). Reports are surfacing that the spies in charge are ready to OK a device that does the work of Obama’s old toy, only more securely.

Now, keep in mind that I do not own a cell phone, I’ve only played with an iPod once and that cured me of ever doing it again. Also, I didn’t have a microwave until the 90’s. I resist change. Well, not all change, I can rejoice in our nation’s first Black president, but I don’t like major change that affects me personally.

Things didn’t change too much when I was a kid. About the only changes that I remember are color TV and push button phones. That’s about it. But those changes didn’t require an inservice. Everyone knew how to operate a TV and a phone…they were just different.

The changes to the phone itself have me totally baffled. Why would anyone want to attach a phone to themselves? Even if you softly whisper, “Tell them I’m not home!”, the caller will hear you. I go to a lot of effort to avoid talking on the phone. If someone should get me on the phone, I spend the entire time trying to hang up politely. Of course, you know me, I’ll give up and be rude if I have to. Some more recent hang up lines that I’ve used:

“I hate talking to people I know…and I don’t even know you.” Click.

If someone fumbles with my name I say, “If you don’t know my name then I KNOW I don’t want to talk to you.” Click.

“You know what? I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out a polite way to get you off of the phone but that rude-ass comment let me off the hook.” Click.

One of my favorites, “Ass sphincter is holding a dead phone up to his ear.” Click.
I sure as hell don’t want to take that show on the road. My kids keep bugging me to get a cell phone…they promise to stop calling the Marietta police from Los Angeles and sending them to my house whenever my phone is off the hook if I let them send me a cell phone. Apparently, I “don’t even have to use it” except for when my daughter calls me. All I’d have to do is keep it on me at all times.

 

Get a grip. I lose my portable phone and it never leaves the house. There is no reason on God’s green earth that I need to carry a phone out into the world. I can search the house, I can’t search the world.

Some changes have been good…I like Caller ID. But other than that, I prefer the phones of old.

I remember when change went from practical to senseless. If memory serves, it all started when they replaced words with pictures on cars. Instead of the word “Lighter”, there was a picture of a flame on the car lighters. Heat, Medium and Cold were controls, not red lines, double red/blue lines and blue lines.

Shortly after that, the Boston Fireman’s hat became the international symbol for “Fire Alarm” in elevators. What if you’ve never been to Boston? How would you know that the picture wasn’t the button to drop hats from the top of the elevator? Hell, for all I know, that’s what it IS for, I’ve never pushed it myself.

Of course, they followed that up by arbitrarily posting Braille messages about cities, airports and other public buildings. That’s actually pretty cold if you ask me. Those messages are sort of the “Where’s Waldo?” of the life saving world. If they made the messages play a Stevie Wonder song, I would understand it. But how on earth are blind people supposed to find their way out of a 17th floor hotel room in the event of a fire?

You know, I think that buttons are on their way out. Buttons, typewriter keys, television controls…all the things that were once controlled by buttons will soon be replaced with touch screens and voice recognition programs. That’s cool because I am one of those people who absolutely CANNOT throw a button away. So, I have buttons from way back. Maybe my button collection will be worth something someday. I think I’ll leave it to my granddaughter.

Ah, my coffee is good. I made it in my 50 year old percolator. If you haven’t seen it, this is a lesson in the history of coffee:

youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lS778KkrjjE]

That is some good coffee!

Here’s hoping that you are making the best of today that you can. Carpe Diem!

PS After taking another sip, this is some DANG good coffee! If I don’t have a stroke first, I’ll be making another pot of this delicious brew.

Has our new President already uttered a lie?

You know it’s bad when they pull the YouTube video!

Somebody owes Roseanne a HUGE apology. She wasn’t disrespectful when she sang the national anthem at that baseball game…she was merely ahead of her time.

When I heard that Aretha Franklin would be singing at the inauguration, I was absolutely thrilled. I couldn’t wait. Can you imagine a voice like Franklin’s belting out a patriotic song from the steps of the Capital? The notion has history written all over it.

But, alas…it didn’t quite turn out that way…did it? I doubt that you’ll be hearing that particular rendition of ‘My Country Tis of Thee’ over and over again on the news. I’m not sure what happened to the voice that sang R-E-S-P-E-C-T but it wasn’t present yesterday afternoon. I don’t think too many people would argue with my assessment of this particular performance, but I am pretty sure that those who do will let themselves be known and most of them will use the all purpose insult, “You’re a racist.” because I voiced my opinion. Or, as it seems to happen regularly, I’m called a “Southern racist”. I guess those are worse than Northern racists. (Geographical prejudice runs rampant.)

If President Obama had rolled his eyes and chuckled during the performance, I would have campaigned for him and the repeal of the 22nd Amendment so that we could keep him around forever. But he closed his eyes and put on his game face. I guess he had no choice. But, I must say, a President who is honest enough to admit that Franklin’s singing was less than par yesterday is one who can be trusted. That is the test of a true leader.

I can imagine Michelle as she finally crawled into bed with the President of the United States of America…before her head hit the pillow you know she said, “What was up with Aretha today?”

President Obama: “I don’t know but it was the only time that I considered running away.”

Unfortunately, we can be relatively sure that our new president has already told a lie. Of course, it was a must lie situation, what can you say to the Queen of Soul when she misses a few notes while the entire world is watching?

I don’t have HBO so I didn’t get to see the concert that was put on in DC over the weekend. But, I did see a snippet of one performer. It was Bruce Springsteen. So, now I’ve seen a grand total of 2 singers from the festivities and they both sounded like crap.

It is with all due respect that I make these observations…I’m a Springsteen and Franklin fan from way, way back. I know what those two are capable of and I was quite disappointed by both of them. On the plus side, Bruce did have a great choir behind him. Unfortunately, Aretha just brought her big bow hat.

I know that I am not the only person in the world who listened to Franklin and thought of Roseanne. Wouldn’t it be funny if future generations look at Roseanne’s performance and think, “What a lovely sound!” It would be even funnier if they added, “Well, at least she’s not Aretha Franklin!”

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