Nipples and Tip-It
December 18, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: Annie Wilson, Atlanta, blog, Cathy Campbell, Chicago, CNN, cobb county, dating, divorce, entertainment, Gloria Dufty, Jill Ihrig, Karen Olef, Laura Olef, men, nipples, old people, personal, random, silliness, silly stuff, silver dollar nipples, tip-it, women
I was in the hospital again…
…blah, blah, blah. I’m out now and with that I am pleased. 
I think I am headed into old people territory because my brain is failing me. That’s OK, it makes for an interesting life, but a boring blog. Let’s see? What can I discuss? How about nipples?
OK then, nipples it is.
Ever since I was very young, I’ve had to live with the fact that my nipples and the brown area around them are quite large. I wouldn’t have known that except for the fact that my little brother walked in on me once when I was naked in the bathroom. He laughed (scarring me for life) and began chanting…”Silver Dollar Nipples! Silver Doll Nipples! Silver Dollar Nipples!
Most of my memories about that brother have to do with something he did to impact ME. When he was about 3 or 4, he would run down the block to my girlfriends garage, (where we all were playing Tip-It) and then he’d run around the table and he’d do this all naked as a jaybird. Well, as naked as any bird, I guess.
It was extremely embarrassing for me and knowing him now, I realize he did that to be a jerk. At age 8, I thought he was just being a 3 or 4 year old. But now I realize that the boy was being a 3 year old…he was just being a miscreant 3 year old. His motives were not to have fun, not to “Let it all hang out!”…but to watch the girls react to him. Yep, that’s my brother.
That kid knew how much I hated his little au naturel visits and my girlfriends didn’t like it either. Between Cathy Campbell, Gloria Dufty, Karen and Laura Olef and that crazy chick, Jill Ihrig, my bro evoked quite a few screams. That sort of control would have been fun for a kid his age.
So, I did a few other things and the next time I noticed my brother was years later after I began developing nipples. I was too busy to pay much attention to that kid, if it weren’t for his evil little actions, I might not remember him at all.
So, that’s my take on nipples.
10 things I think about while I’m having sex
December 18, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: Annie Wilson, Atlanta, blogging, CNN, cobwebs, coupons, dating, divorce, friends, Georgia, hot pockets, humor, Los Angeles, Marietta, pee, seafood, sex, silliness, silly stuff, smother fucker, tattoo, women
1. The ‘69 Mets.
2. The cobwebs on the ceiling.
3. What I’m making for dinner.
4. Did I save those Hot Pocket coupons? Now that they’re on sale I should save a LOT of money!
5. Should I use bread crumbs or oatmeal in my meat loaf recipe?
6. I’d never, ever get a tattoo.
7. I wish this guy would hold his damn weight off of me!!!
8. I don’t think bowling alleys should have those bumper things in the gutter. Let the kids learn like I did.
9. I hate seafood.
10. I gotta pee.
Sex, sex, sex
December 7, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: assholes, Atlanta, blog, boobs, cheating husband, divorce, entertainment, fake boobs, friends, humor, life, lindsay lohan, marriage, men, old lady sex, old man sex, old people sex, opinion, penis, personal, random, relationships, sex, silliness, silly stuff, Viagra, women
Doctors, probably men doctors, are working on a cream that can be rubbed onto the penis to achieve erection. (LOLOL, that’s a helluvan achievement, isn’t it?) At some point the drug will have to be tested and that means that a bunch of men will either rub the cream on their own wangs or some chick will do it for them.
After applying the ointment in a rapid up and down fashion, an erection will show success. I’m just not sure of what it will show success. I’m not sure and I really don’t care. I am SO sick of the importance that society places on sex and of all the new an improved ways to have sex. I could wax philosophical on you but I choose to use wax you with humor because that’s the way I roll.
Americans have been having sex earlier and earlier for as long as I can remember. When I was a teenager, most of us chose to listen to the warnings of our parents, “If you ever get pregnant, don’t come home.”
Add to early onset sex the social permission we have to hump multiple partners and we’ve had a LOT of extra sex going on around here lately. It’s really no wonder we run out of sex juice early, we’re using it all up before we’re 50. (Luckily for me, at 51 I seem to have maintained some extra sex juice. I think it’s leftover from my last marriage.)
And honestly, for all the talk about it, sex isn’t the be-all end-all in life. Personally I would rather get a pedicure. So why is everyone doing all this penis rubbing and little blue pill popping? I don’t know. They should invest their time and money in a sailboat. I’d sail away with a dude who had one of them…with or without the sex accoutrement’s.
And then women…what are you doing to your boobs? Have you ever SEEN an 80 year old woman with implants? I have and let me tell you…it is NOT a pretty sight. The implants may remain in place, but the real boobs go on some crazy gravity induced escaped and when you’re flat on your back, the nipples are somewhere under your arms. They don’t have a blue pill yet that will explain the social obligations of a man who encounters 4 boobs…on one woman, Lindsay Lohan is NOT involved.
I suppose you could look at the bright side, the dude can suck your nipples and rub the big round things at the same time. If you can do some of that for him, he might not need the ointment.
Do you realize that we have men wielding plumbing long since out of warranty on women hawking parts decommissioned years ago? Old people sex just CAN…NOT…BE…THAT…GOOD.
It almost sounds like heaven for the decrepit old men, doesn’t it? But there is one huge problem stemming from all of this squeaky old people sex…a local gynecologist reported that she treated “more cases of herpes and human papillomavirus at this particular retirement villages than she did when she worked in Miami.” These people made it through WWII, Korea, Viet Nam, the entire Sexual Revolution, cheating on their spouses and God knows what else. For the better part of a century, these folks avoided the clap and yet they can’t survive widowhood unscathed by any odd lesions, infections or small crawly things. Thank God their parents aren’t around to see what they’ve done.
And shame, shame on those old women! “Whatever you know about 20-year-olds, it’s the same with seniors,” said Roselyn Shelley, a resident of The Villages Retirement Community. You would think that women would have gotten over any self esteem issues before they turned 70. I don’t know why they would service a bunch of cheap old men. At the very least, I would charge the guy a few bucks to make it worth my while.
And of course, where there are women and black-market drugs available, you can expect violence. Local cops do their best to keep the neighborhood safe, but according to Lt. Davis, it’s no picnic. “You see two 70-year-olds with canes fighting over a woman and you think, ‘Oh, jeez.’”
Important Dating Tip For Women Of All Ages: Women, listen to me, if you do ABSOLUTELY nothing else, get the guy to pick something up at the store for you on their way over to your house. There’s no better time to get a man to pull his wallet out of his pocket. Trust me on that one.
Oh yeah…beware of men who come to you with a tube of anything. It’s NEVER a good sign. Either you rub it on him or he plans on being very lazy in the foreplay department. So when it comes to ointments and sex…just say no.
Life can be something…’ey?
December 5, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: 'ey?, adultery, Annie Wilson, assholes, Atlanta, blog, blogging, blogs, california, canada, cheating husband, cheating men, CNN, dating, divorce, faithful men, Georgia, humor, i love you, life, local news, Los Angeles, love, Marietta, marietta georgia, men, minnesota, personal, relationships, Rick Kelso, sex, silliness, silly stuff, tiger woos, women
That “‘ey” is in honor of my Minnesota boyfriend. He doesn’t say it much, but Minnesota just reminds me of that “word”. I heard it a lot when I lived in upstate New York…way upstate…like 30 miles from Canada upstate.
Anyway, I wrote about Minnesota Dude in this post:
http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2009/12/i-was-chatting-with.html
The gist of it was that he “doesn’t say I love you because of how women change after you do say it”. Whatever…it didn’t bug me too much at first but the more I chewed on that particular piece of fat, the more it stuck in my craw.
When you stew on something like that long enough, the heavier stuff starts to stick to the bottom and then it burns just enough to ruin the whole stew. That’s a bitch for all concerned. It wasn’t as if I brought the subject up in the first place…apparently MN. Dude misunderstood something I said and the he just went off on that pleasant little topic and announced his premature edict.
Afterwards, I was climbing BACK up THAT emotional cliff all week and I had just about gotten back to the summit from which I jumped in the first place. The way I was headed, the weekend would have been spent pondering 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.
Then, out of the blue, I get a phone call from the man who’s figured it all out and has a plan…Never I say ‘I love you!’.
Reeling from my most recent sprint back up to the precipice of loveless reality, I wasn’t ready for the phone call that I got at about 10 tonight. It was MN. Dude. I wondered if the tone of my voice gave away the thoughts that I was having…and second thoughts at that, the type that are tougher to hide…or at least it seems so.
And then as we were chatting, out of nowhere, I get the “I love you.”
I was quite taken aback, to say the least. I had no response because even though I could think of a myriad of things to say at that moment…not one of them was phone chat. Think about it, any reply at all, from a snappy comeback to a thoughtful acquiescence, would really be better given in person.
I might be able to get away with a long distance snappy comeback but it’s tough enough to know when I’m serious in person…I’d hate to take any chances over the phone.
The other day my ex Rick called to see how I was doing and he STILL maintains that he can’t tell when I’m kidding. I reminded him of how easy it was…if what I’m mad at is stupid, I’m kidding. If the issue has some gravity and it would make sense to be angry, then I’m not kidding. He STILL doesn’t get that one. Oh well, maybe someday he will.
So, a guy said he loved me tonight and I’m just jaded enough to wonder what he’s up to. I haven’t figured this one out at all, not a ‘taaaalllll! as Sheriff Taylor would say.
I can name two men who I know that I can say with almost 100% certainty have never cheated. I can say WITH 100% certainty that every single one of my husbands and a few of my boyfriends HAVE cheated on me. And then, to make matters worse, a great guy like Tiger Woods turns out not to be so great after all. It’s like some sort of omen going on here!
But I’m gonna really try hard not to make MN. Dude pay for the mistakes made by other men. And WHATEVER I feel tonight, alone here in my apartment…I’m quite sure that, good or bad, I’ll feel quite a bit different when I’m with MN. Dude…after all, I happen to LIKE back hair!
What Day Is It?
December 4, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: 1977, Annie Wilson, Atlanta, December Fourth, humor, life, love, Marietta, men, personal, relationships, santa rosa california, women
At some point on December fourth…
…ever since 1977, I’ve been reminded of a visit I made to my Aunt Jean’s house on a sunny Sunday morning.
I felt relatively well when I got to Aunt Jean’s. As the good Irish woman that she was, she offered coffee and appropriate food…that morning it was sweet rolls. Uncle Bob and my husband rounded out our foursome at Jean’s table. We chatted about some football game and then the conversation turned to baseball because Jean and I LOVED our baseball.
That was the year that Reggie Jackson hit 3 homers in one World Series game. Jean and I were laughing at the stupid comment Jackson made after his amazing performance at bat that day. When the first microphone was stuck in his face, he said, “I don’t want to be compared to Babe Ruth and other greats.”
Well, as far as we knew, no one had compared him to Ruth except himself. So Jean and I took offense to that comment and were still discussing it months later. To make matters worse, that summer we had seats in the right field mezzanine to watch the Yankees play in Oakland. From our perch above right field, we saw Jackson trap a ball and hold it up in triumph as though he had caught it clean. Jean continued her chorus of, “You’re a BUM Jackson!” LONG after the rest of the Oakland fans stopped taunting the cheating right fielder.
I laughed as Jean’s blood pressure seemed to raise higher than anyone elses in the room when all of a sudden I felt a hideous pain in my gut. It quickly went away so I went back to eating my sweet roll and drinking my coffee.
Shortly after that, my aunt called my father and when he asked about me she said, “Oh, she’s fine, she’s sitting here eating sweet rolls and drinking coffee. Don’t worry.” Then she chatted a bit more with her brother and they hung up.
But the pains soon returned and for the very first time in my life, I went to the hospital. They examined me a bit and then took me into a room like none I had ever seen before. I was only 19 and hadn’t been to nursing school yet so I didn’t know what was going on. But before it was over, they gave me laughing gas and I get a little fuzzy for a while. Then, suddenly my head cleared up and I had no more pain. Whatever they did seemed to have worked.
As soon as I began to come around, they let me know what had caused all of that pain. They handed me a 9 pound, 12 ounce little boy with a head full of blonde hair. I seem to recall that he had not yet been circumcised.
I spent the rest of the day getting to know him. I’ve liked him from the beginning.
It’s me again…Margaret
November 26, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: humor, assholes, random, entertainment, personal, politics, opinion, Chicago, silliness, friends, dogs, life, sex, dating, women, local news, Marietta, Georgia, silly stuff, cobb county, marietta georgia, blogging, Annie Wilson, Atlanta, family, CNN, orgasm, Alzheimers, UCLA, confusion, john lennon, idiot box, once an adult twice a child, Charly, flowers for algernon, time travel, aphasia
I’m BAAA-AAACK!!!
And this time I’m typing from home. I will, more than likely, write about my experience at UCLA Medical Center one day soon but right now I’m bored with that and I would rather talk about MEEEE!!!
I’m officially a crazy old lady so my lifelong dream of becoming old enough to do silly stuff and be considered cute instead of nuts has finally come true. The nursing staff told my daughter that I was “pleasantly confused”. I guess that’s a nice way of saying “nutty as a fruit cake”. When I first came around after the stroke, I was frightened by everything because I didn’t recognize any of it.
But, after a while I realized that I was in a hospital so I sort of just assumed that the aliens were nice aliens and I decided to go along with the program. Since I’m pretty much just following the fates into a confused state that seems seems to be calling me closer and closer, I have no idea what type of blog posts people will be finding when they come here in the future. I suppose it’ll be as though I’m Charly from Flowers for Algernon and no one will know if tomorrow holds a witty Irish chick, a dithering idiot or some combination of the two.
And as batty as I may become, I will STILL make more sense than a hospital that has “Neuro-psychiatric Center” on the front door, “Stroke Unit” on the door to the wing, my NAME on the door to my room AND a promise of confidentiality. I don’t get that at all but maybe it’s me so I’ll just leave it alone until I have more to offer the entire botheration than my verbal wrath.
Confusion is feared by most people but once you adjust, it’s actually rather interesting. The smallest stuff has been fascinating me, like the thing in the bed that looks like a phone, has voices coming out of one side and lots of buttons but you can’t call anyone with it except the nurse.
Oh, and forgetting a few months of your life is exactly like time travel. If you don’t remember what happened since you went to bed on your last birthday which was several months ago, you have, for all intents and purposes, travelled into the future. It’s not something you’d welcome arbitrarily into your life…but it IS time travel nonetheless. Actually, it was space travel as well, after all, it was June and I was in Atlanta…now I’m in Los Angeles and I don’t remember how I got here although once I was told that I took a plane, I DID remember that my dog had flown with me.
I guess it’ll all clear up eventually…it did after the first stroke. I was right smack dab in the middle of singing The Happy Birthday Song to my niece when I suddenly forgot the words to the song. Or, I would need a cup and know what a cup looked like but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember what the heck one was called. Words would elude me and like the trips through space and time, you never see it coming. Who would foresee such a curse? No one expects to forget words that you use every single day of your life. Think about the repercussions of that…you could be in rush to order french fries, to get to an appointment or to have an orgasm and suddenly you might forget the word “faster”.
But it’s not all bad, actually there are several other positive things about confusion that are underrated my most people:
1. Lack of responsibilities like driving, babysitting and chopping vegetables.
2. Automatic approval for most government health plans.
3. Appreciation for the phrase, “Once an adult, twice a child.”
4. This is the time in life that you are allowed to fart nilly-willy and not see quite as many aghast faces.
5. If caught loitering, committing vagrancy or trespassing, you’ll avoid jail and go straight to the nearest hospital.
6. As soon as you GET to the hospital, they’ll give you the good drugs.
7. Confused people have absolutely NO interest it smoking, doing drugs or drinking. They exist in a permanent altered state of consciousness. Confusion is one helluva trip dudes!
8. After you spend some time staring at the idiot box, you realize that swings and long walks are much more fun.
9. Of course…if you walk long enough, you get a ride home from the sheriff’s department. If you’re lucky, you could even get a ride back in a helicopter!
10. You fully appreciate John Lennon while NOT under the influence of pot.
Imagine.
Well, I’m sure there are more but one of the bad things abut this entire sordid debacle is the fact that I can’t type anymore. Well, I can but it would probably be quicker to use a pen. This has taken me a LONG FRICKING TIME and I feel like assisting gravity in her efforts to keep the sofa on the floor. See ya!
It’s me only I’m different now
November 25, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: humor, entertainment, opinion, men, silliness, friends, life, divorce, marriage, sex, dating, women, relationships, Marietta, Georgia, silly stuff, cobb county, marietta georgia, Annie Wilson, obama, Atlanta, cheating husband, family, CNN, stroke, cva, brain injury
Hi ya’ll!
I’m still in the hospital but my daughter brought me a laptop so I can talk to you. I can’t talk for long because the longer I talk, the better your chances are of noticing that I’m quite confused. I wouldn’t like that at all. They keep asking me stuff like “What day is it?”, “Who’s the president?” and “Where are we now?” I keep crib notes written in the palm of my hand but that only works for 24 hours before I have to get new notes.
I read the shirts of the people asking me those questions and it would seem as though I’m in Los Angeles and it’s November. Imagine my surprise! I thought I was in Atlanta and it was June. Oh well, it could be worse, I could have forgotten that I was divorced and that would suck. Instead, I seem to have a boyfriend and I didn’t even know it!
He’s a very nice man, he comes to see me every single day and I’m impressed with my taste in men. He’s rather good looking and he’s quite tall. He weighs twice as much as I do and I like that in a man. I’m afraid to ask him if we’ve had sex yet but I figure that as long as I’m in the hospital, it isn’t really an issue.
It appears as though I’ve had a stroke but other than a headache, I feel pretty good. My nurse just came in to give me pain medicine so I’m gonna let her. I’m glad that I wrote stuff everyday because at some point, I need to figure out what’s happened to me since June.
See ya soon!
I can’t spell alledgedly so I just qualify this by saying it is 100% MY OWN OPINION
November 17, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: random, personal, election, men, life, women, local news, Marietta, Georgia, cobb county, blogging, Atlanta, paul mergel, murderer, Mary Ann Mergel, matricide, family, blog, murder, Monmouth county, new jersey, georgia da, no place to hide
Some of you may remember my matricidal cousin…
…Paul Mergel. It appears as though he has gotten away with murdering 2 women…one was my aunt and the other was a New Jersey woman I never knew, but found herself ablaze after Paul tired of her. Occasionally I write something about the sonofabitch and although I hadn’t planned to do it today, I was put into this position when I received an email from someone I won’t name:
“hes in the Monmouth county jail here in new jersey Georgia refuses to extradite him because its a small misdemeanor he has for gun possession”
I made some calls and found out that Mergel is, indeed, in Jersey, specifically in the Monmouth County lock up. Here is a list of his charges:
Hazlet TWP. Failure to pay fines………………………………..no bail
Hazlet TWP. Bad Checks…………………………………………..$600 bail
Unlisted Agency Driving on revoked list……………………$500 bail
Middletown TWP. Contempt of court…………………………no bail
Middletown TWP. Driving on revoked list………………….no bail
Monmouth County has had him since September and as of this morning, he has no date set. But…the lady at the county said that it takes 2-3 months to go to court so this hideous waste of space could potentially go to court any day and find himself walking amongst decent folk and that can’t be.
My next call is to the Georgia prosecutors who don’t think that it’s worth a trip to Jersey to grab a murder suspect. I find that so ironic considering the red flags that went unnoticed in the Hassan case. If Mergel gets away and kills again, who do we blame? I hope those folks are pondering that possibility.
Now I’ll call the Gogia folk and ask some questions because because I CANNOT BELIEVE that GEORGIA would let Jersey keep a prime suspect in a murder case. Then again, maybe they’re trying to get back at Jersey for letting him leave the state after the death of his “girlfriend”.
I’ll figure out what I can and than I’ll let you know exactly who will be responsible when this thug is eventually set free. They say after you kill once, it get easier. I wonder what they say after you’ve gotten away with TWO murders?
More info:
http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2008/09/100-opinion.html
Hi there, it’s ME!
October 13, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: Annie, Annie Wilson, Atlanta, Chicago, CNN, cobb county, divorce, entertainment, family, friends, hollywood, humor, life, local news, marietta georgia, meetings, mother daughter relationships, personal, producer, random, relationships, secrets, silliness, silly stuff, surprises, TV show, women
Apparently, with someone to talk to, a person doesn’t blog as much as they should so I’m going to have to wake up earlier from now on so that I can chat with you guys and watch Fox and Friends. I’ve always been an early riser but even I can’t seem to get up early enough to catch Fox’s “morning” show. It’s a middle of the night show on the west coast. But, getting up before my daughter wakes up is no problem at all. My mother’s amazing propensity to sleep for most of the day seems to have jumped a generation and has landed squarely on my kid’s sleepy self. Thank God she doesn’t snore, I’d have to go back to Georgia.
Anyway, I have another secret and although I can keep someone else’s secret forever, I suck at keeping my own. But, I have a superstition that dictates that I must keep things to myself lest I jinx the possibility of good stuff happening. Obviously this is a good secret, I wouldn’t bother giving you notice of a bad secret.
I’ll tell you this much…it has to do with a television show. This time I’m going to drag my daughter into my hijinks so I’m really looking forward to it. We have a meeting with the producers tomorrow but I doubt that we’ll get an answers then. If we do, I’ll tell you then. Otherwise, I’ll tell you later.
Annie and I went to Hollywood Blvd. on Sunday and handed out cookies that we made ourselves. I had a bag that said, “Free Cookies” and Annie had one that said, “My mother is making me do this.” It was fun when people took our cookies but many people didn’t even answer me when I offered them a cookie. I shouted derogatory comments at those people and I smiled sweetly at the tourists who wanted to take our picture. That was certainly a new experience.
If I haven’t raised my daughter to be an annoying young woman yet, I get to try some more. I’m pleased with that. I can’t go on annoying people forever…I need to leave another annoying woman behind when I go.
Today I think I’ll be cleaning up the apartment. It’s quite small and somehow we seem to make a mess rather quickly. It seems as though I clean up, watch a movie and then it’s time to clean up again. I took yesterday off, today the place is already a mess.
You know, cleaning up after your kid isn’t so bad when you get older. I think it’s because you get to feel more like a mother than you do by calling incessantly and worrying from afar. I don’t remember the last time I had a creature with 2 legs to care for…I actually like it. Perhaps I should find a local Brady Bunch and become their Alice. I’d be a good Alice but I wouldn’t put up with Sam the butcher for any length of time without a proposal.
In the meantime, my daughter will do. No matter how old she gets, I still think of her as a little girl. And she LOOKS like a little girl which is tough to do at 30. I was working in a nursing home once and I walked past a group of old ladies in wheelchairs who seemed to be having a coffee clatch at the end of the hall. One of them asked me if I would call her daughter for her. It seems that the daughter had been by to visit that day and had left over an hour before. She hadn’t phoned her mother to tell her that she made it home safely so the mother was, understandably, worried about her. I told her that I understood and I asked her how old her daughter was. That sweet woman looked me straight in the eye and said, “Sixty-eight.”
That’s when it hit me. You don’t EVER stop worrying about your kids…ever, ever, ever. If my son was a huge success in life and became President of the United States, the most powerful man on the planet, I would worry that some nut with a middle name would assassinate him. Ain’t that a bitch?
You wait for the suckers to “grow up” and when they do, you’ve grown older and if there’s one thing that I’ve learned about being old it’s that OLD PEOPLE WORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING. Add to that the fact that mothers worry too and when you have an old mother, you need to MAKE HER take Xanax. I always wondered why I started needing tranquilizers when I was in my twenties and I can’t believe it took me this long to figure it out…I became the mother of 3 kids back then too.
I even worry about the son who has sided with my ex husband in his unilateral war on me after 2 decades of divorce and refuses to speak to me. That’s OK…I finally figured out the higher purpose that the “war” serves…if it weren’t for their mutual contempt of me, they would have nothing to keep their marriage together.
OK…that kid has slept enough…I’m waking her ass up now.
See ya!
The marijuana store and me
October 6, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: 420, assholes, Atlanta, blogging, cooking, life, marijuana, medicinal marijuana, personal, pot, pot legal in California, pot store, random, silliness, silly stuff, weed, women
I have just made my very first LEGAL marijuana purchase. For those of you outside of California, I wanted to describe the process for purchasing marijuana legally.
First, you go to a doctor. I did it the old fashioned way, I went to a doctor’s office and told him about the multiple sclerosis. That’s one of the many, many illnesses that can be treated with marijuana. He recommended the marijuana himself, I didn’t even have to ask for it.
Some people get around a doctor’s appointment by going to a ‘Marijuana Party’. That’s sort of like a Tupperware Party only instead of giving away crazy shaped straws and plastic sandwich holders, you get THC filled lollipops and marijuana filled truffles. The party that I heard about cost $175 per person and of that, $125 went to the doctor who showed up and the other $50 was spent by the host on those THC filled lollipops and marijuana filled truffles.
I didn’t get to go to the party since I needed to go to a real doctor’s appointment. But, when I went to pick up my stash from the Weed Store, the weed dispenser dude gave me a box of marijuana truffles and and an extra gram and a half of my medicine. I only had enough cash to get one gram but when he started lifting the buds out of the jar that I had chosen, he “accidentally” gave me 2 and a half grams. I guess it was sort of a “new customer” gift.
The weed store itself looks like any other small storefront business and if you didn’t know it was there, you could easily walk right past the place without ever knowing you just passed a marijuana store. You don’t go to a regular pharmacy to get your marijuana because the “prescription” isn’t written out like this:
Marijuana
One joint every 8 hours as needed.
#30
It’s actually a certificate from the doctor that says you are allowed into the weed dispensary. Once you get there, you can buy whatever you want in pretty good quantities, certainly more than I could smoke.
When you walk into the dispensary, there is a waiting room for those who do NOT have a certificate. There’s a TV and a couch and a dude at a desk. After you show your certificate and register to that specific weed shop, you are shown the “back room”. As you walk into the back room, the smell of ganja overtakes you before you get to the counter that contains 7 jars of various types of weed. The cookie jar sized receptacles were all over half filled with some seriously good smelling marijuana. At the other end of the counter was a box filled with THC filled delicacies like the truffles and lollipops. They also had marijuana butter in case you want to bake your own brownies.
In the middle of the counter was another jar full of very large pre-rolled joints for $15. Those doobies contained a mixture of all of the different types of weed they had, from the “body high” inducing Bang Bang Og to the “head high” inducing Sugar Kush. I didn’t have enough to buy one of those suckers but it’s certainly on my list of “Things To Buy When I Have A Bit Too Much Cash”.
I can’t speak for the entire state of California, but there are easily 10 weed stores within walking distance of my apartment that all seem to be doing a healthy business.Obviously, someone is making a LOT of money on the primo medicinal marijuana you can run out and buy as though it were a gallon of milk. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that the state would be completely broke if it weren’t for all of the peaceful, easy feeling California folk.
This evening I saw my first television commercial for marijuana. It was actually for a doctor’s office who asks you to call him at 1-800-MMJ-DOC1 and get your very own Golden Ticket to High Street!
Doesn’t that make more sense than criminalizing behavior that is peacefully practiced in the privacy of one’s own home? Not only does the State benefit from the increased taxes, they save money that would have been spent jailing those who would rather roll a joint than pop open a six pack. And, if a person can buy pot legally, they won’t have to associate with drug dealers. That will limit exposure to “hard drugs” and the people who do them.
Well then, I think it’s time to take a bit of my Bang Bang Og and check out my new body high.
