10 things I think about while I’m having sex
December 18, 2009
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Tags: Annie Wilson, Atlanta, blogging, CNN, cobwebs, coupons, dating, divorce, friends, Georgia, hot pockets, humor, Los Angeles, Marietta, pee, seafood, sex, silliness, silly stuff, smother fucker, tattoo, women
1. The ‘69 Mets.
2. The cobwebs on the ceiling.
3. What I’m making for dinner.
4. Did I save those Hot Pocket coupons? Now that they’re on sale I should save a LOT of money!
5. Should I use bread crumbs or oatmeal in my meat loaf recipe?
6. I’d never, ever get a tattoo.
7. I wish this guy would hold his damn weight off of me!!!
8. I don’t think bowling alleys should have those bumper things in the gutter. Let the kids learn like I did.
9. I hate seafood.
10. I gotta pee.
I assure you….suicide IS painless
December 14, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: humor, assholes, random, men, silliness, friends, women, relationships, Georgia, silly stuff, cobb county, blogging, Annie Wilson, cheating husband, pot, family, blog, suicide, alzheimers disease, Los Angeles, stroke, stoner, confused, cribbage, weekend, brain
As I sit down this morning…
…I have no clue where my fingers are about to take me. Nothing special has happened, no hideous health problems, no annoying political crap and my weekend, while enjoyable, wasn’t really noteworthy.
I did play cribbage for a while which I haven’t done in quite a while but other than that, and an intriguing lack of sex, this weekend will be remembered as the Wet Weekend in LA. The weather was more exciting than my own weekend. But, I suppose at my age I should be happy with that.
That, and of course, my new relationship. I’m afraid to talk about it, not because someone might read it but because I haven’t figured it out yet. I should…and I’ll probably do that…but not right now. I’m confused enough without adding romance to my cerebral duties du jour.
Apparently my brain is in a vulnerable condition as it is. After 3 strokes, I’m just happy that I can spell. The strokes, while not anything I’d really WANT to do again, are interesting.
When I have one, I don’t remember anything. I suddenly and without warning find myself surrounded by strangers and unaware of who I am, who they are or what in the hell is going on. I figure it must be a lot like Alzheimer’s Disease. If it is, you have no idea just how frightening it is to know nothing. There is a sense of self awareness, but nothing else at all. You can’t understand what the strangers are saying and they are absolutely NOT going to go away so eventually they become scary little creatures and sometimes I want to hit them. I haven’t yet…thank God…but I’ve come really, really close.
Hell, sneak up on me from behind in a bar and I’ll turn around swinging…and that’s when I’m sober. Get me all stroked up and I could really do some damage. Luckily, even my totally confused self starts to practice self restraint at some point. That’s a good thing but if I had to stay confused for any length of time I’m sure I’d smack a person or two…probably a couple times a month.
Every time I was confused like that, someone I knew eventually sparked something inside. Once I recognized ANYTHING, I recognized almost everything.
Anyway, I hope I never have to stay in that condition for any length of time. It would truly be hellish. I can handle forgetting the words to Happy Birthday to You…but if I couldn’t recognize my kids, I wouldn’t want to be here. And the shit of it would be, I wouldn’t have the wits to blow my own head off. I’d have to count on someone else and I don’t have any insurance so no one would really benefit from my death…but some nursing home would benefit from my pitiful existence. Maybe I should get some insurance and make Scott Peterson the beneficiary…yeah, that’d do it.
What a neat way to commit suicide! Think about it…you buy a huge policy and make some murdering SOB the beneficiary and if you get murdered properly, they get double the settlement. I know there are probably nieces or nephews out there thinking, “No need to leave it to OJ Simpson, I’ll kill you myself!” If that’s the case, just call your family member up and tell them that ONE TIME. After that there could be wiretapping involved so settle it all in the first conversation.
Of course, we do need some confused people around, they really are a laugh. I do enjoy them, mean and confused or nice and confused, they’re all fun to be around. I don’t think I’d be any fun to be around for any length of time so someone needs to shoot me…or sit me in front of a TV full of TV shows from the 50’s and 60’s, get me some music and bring me a joint to smoke and I’ll be one happy little old lady stoner.
Well, I think I’ve run the gamut so I’m gonna publish this sucker now. Have a lovely Monday and think of me the next time you sneeze.
No Driver’s Licenses for People with Boobs
December 12, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: Annie Wilson, blogging, boobs, CNN, Drivers license, entertainment, family, grammar, humor, interstate 20, life, men, old people drivers, personal, random, silliness, silly stuff, titular, vocabulay, women, women drivers
As I sat near my daughter this morning…
…listening to her speak to my father, I heard her say something rather thoughtless. It seems as though my daughter, who recently turned 30, feels rather old. So, what thoughtless comment did my kid say to my father? She actually said, “I’m getting old Grandpa!”
Grandpa must really, really be old, not to mention myself, who must be, simply, really old.
Grandpa had some news for us, he’s going to Australia. That’s very nice, isn’t it? The only problem is that his flight leaves from Los Angeles and he’s going to drive to the airport. That doesn’t sound so bad until you remember that he lives in Florida. So, as a warning to the southern half of our country, my father will be driving from Tampa to LA soon so, unless you have an emergency, DO NOT DRIVE on the interstates.
When I was a kid, I never worried about anything if Daddy was driving. I would play in the backseat as though nothing could happen to me because Daddy was behind the wheel. Somehow, that thought is no longer soothing. It’s actually a bit frightening, to tell you the truth. But if the Lord allows it, Dad will be slowing down before he gets near me so it’s not myself about whom I am worried…it’s EVERYONE WHO LIVES NEAR INTERSTATE 20 from Florida to California.
Once he gets here, I’ll have fun because I get to correct his grammar. He LOVED to correct our grammar when we were children. I sort of doubt that he foresaw a day which would find one of his illiterate offspring a much better grammarian than he had ever hoped to be.
Yes…I don’t know how it happened, but somewhere along the line, my grammatical skills outpaced his and now I hear errors in one out of every 5 sentences he speaks. I keep up with every one, I do. I’m sure someone out there could critique my skills and find fault, but I’m still much better than Pops and with that, I am very pleased.
Somehow, even my vocabulary has surpassed Dear Old Dad’s. He may have a bit on me when it comes to Latin words or words specific to the law but I’m not bad with Latin myself and I have it all over him on words specific to the life sciences. So, we’re relatively equal in vocabulary but the New York Times Crossword shows who edges out whom in that category…and it is I who takes THAT particular prize.
One Sunday morning I was reading a book as Father was doing the crossword. He called me over as he usually did when he was stumped. He showed me his current quandary and I immediately responded, “Titular.”
He laughed as though he had caught me in a hideous dangling participle. It took a while, but I convinced him that titular, was indeed, a word. He may be the titular leader of Grammar and Vocabulary in THIS family, but it is I who truly holds the prize for most literate member of this particular klan.
And, like it or not, I’m a better driver as well. I know that’s hard to believe because I have boobs, but I am. And even so, if all other boobed people gave back their driver’s licenses, I would give back mine. I don’t mind leaving it up to the men to do the driving. Of course I think that ALL boobed people should give up their licenses…whether those boobs are on a woman or a man. I’ve seen my father shirtless…he needs to give up HIS license as well.
Of course he won’t…so if you live in a state along the southern border of our nation, be afraid, be very afraid. He is old and he is dangerous.
Life can be something…’ey?
December 5, 2009
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Tags: 'ey?, adultery, Annie Wilson, assholes, Atlanta, blog, blogging, blogs, california, canada, cheating husband, cheating men, CNN, dating, divorce, faithful men, Georgia, humor, i love you, life, local news, Los Angeles, love, Marietta, marietta georgia, men, minnesota, personal, relationships, Rick Kelso, sex, silliness, silly stuff, tiger woos, women
That “‘ey” is in honor of my Minnesota boyfriend. He doesn’t say it much, but Minnesota just reminds me of that “word”. I heard it a lot when I lived in upstate New York…way upstate…like 30 miles from Canada upstate.
Anyway, I wrote about Minnesota Dude in this post:
http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2009/12/i-was-chatting-with.html
The gist of it was that he “doesn’t say I love you because of how women change after you do say it”. Whatever…it didn’t bug me too much at first but the more I chewed on that particular piece of fat, the more it stuck in my craw.
When you stew on something like that long enough, the heavier stuff starts to stick to the bottom and then it burns just enough to ruin the whole stew. That’s a bitch for all concerned. It wasn’t as if I brought the subject up in the first place…apparently MN. Dude misunderstood something I said and the he just went off on that pleasant little topic and announced his premature edict.
Afterwards, I was climbing BACK up THAT emotional cliff all week and I had just about gotten back to the summit from which I jumped in the first place. The way I was headed, the weekend would have been spent pondering 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.
Then, out of the blue, I get a phone call from the man who’s figured it all out and has a plan…Never I say ‘I love you!’.
Reeling from my most recent sprint back up to the precipice of loveless reality, I wasn’t ready for the phone call that I got at about 10 tonight. It was MN. Dude. I wondered if the tone of my voice gave away the thoughts that I was having…and second thoughts at that, the type that are tougher to hide…or at least it seems so.
And then as we were chatting, out of nowhere, I get the “I love you.”
I was quite taken aback, to say the least. I had no response because even though I could think of a myriad of things to say at that moment…not one of them was phone chat. Think about it, any reply at all, from a snappy comeback to a thoughtful acquiescence, would really be better given in person.
I might be able to get away with a long distance snappy comeback but it’s tough enough to know when I’m serious in person…I’d hate to take any chances over the phone.
The other day my ex Rick called to see how I was doing and he STILL maintains that he can’t tell when I’m kidding. I reminded him of how easy it was…if what I’m mad at is stupid, I’m kidding. If the issue has some gravity and it would make sense to be angry, then I’m not kidding. He STILL doesn’t get that one. Oh well, maybe someday he will.
So, a guy said he loved me tonight and I’m just jaded enough to wonder what he’s up to. I haven’t figured this one out at all, not a ‘taaaalllll! as Sheriff Taylor would say.
I can name two men who I know that I can say with almost 100% certainty have never cheated. I can say WITH 100% certainty that every single one of my husbands and a few of my boyfriends HAVE cheated on me. And then, to make matters worse, a great guy like Tiger Woods turns out not to be so great after all. It’s like some sort of omen going on here!
But I’m gonna really try hard not to make MN. Dude pay for the mistakes made by other men. And WHATEVER I feel tonight, alone here in my apartment…I’m quite sure that, good or bad, I’ll feel quite a bit different when I’m with MN. Dude…after all, I happen to LIKE back hair!
He ain’t gay…he’s my son
November 28, 2009
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Tags: a mother's pride, blog, blogging, blogs, but I left my son for you guys, CNN, cobb county, entertainment, falcon bears game, family, friends, Georgia, huge penis, I left georgia, life, marietta georgia, penis, penis with it's own penis, relationships, sex, sidelines marietta, silliness, silly stuff, straight men who look gay at first glance, tailgate party, video blog, women
My youngest son graduated from law school this past spring. He passed his bar exam and is, for all intents and purposes, a real attorney today. Am I proud? Yeah, sure. But as I stood in the rear of his graduation ceremony and watched my son except his diploma from Mercer Law, I noticed a BUNCH of others doing the exact same thing. And that’s only one law school…from one year! Kudos to the kid who stuck it out but when it comes to earning maternal pride, one must do something different, make his own way in the world and do it with style, panache and charisma. Anyone can walk across a stage and grab a diploma…with the possible exception of that Hawkins dude.
But, as I always knew he would…my oldest son has made his mother proud in a way no other son before him has done. I can’t say that he’s been making me laugh since the day he was born, a 4th degree episiotomy prevented any jocularity for the first week of his life. But shortly after that, he began cracking me up, leaving me walking away, wondering if I had heard right, and learning lessons from a person not yet 3 feet tall. (NOW, of course, he is OVER over 3 feet tall.)
One particularly frustrating afternoon in 1980, I told him to, “Pick up that truck, damn it!” He responded in a manner far too old for his 3 years….”MY NAME’S NOT DAMN IT!” Of course he was right, right after I met him in the delivery room I bestowed upon my newborn son the aristocratic name of William. And, as you will see, he has lived up to that moniker…and then some.
Concerned about the barefoot children in front of him at the local grocers, a four year old William asked me, “Why don’t they have any shoes, Mommy?”
I resisted my natural instinct to answer, “DUH! They’re hillbillies, dude!” Instead I chose the high road and explained that, “Perhaps they don’t have the money to buy shoes, son.”
Shortly after that, as I was tucking my young prodigy into bed one night, I noticed that my red neck neighbors were letting their 2 year old walk around the front yard in the dark. I commented, more to myself than my son, “I can’t believe they haven’t put that baby to bed yet!”
Well, the young William put me in my place again, this time with the observation that, “Maybe they don’t have the money to buy any beds, Mom.” From the mouths of babes.
Over the years my son has given me the regular joys of motherhood, of course. But he has also given me 3 of the greatest gifts of all, that mother’s smile you have as you walk away shaking your head after your child has told a joke that ends with a fart, the pride a mother feels when she realizes that her child has chosen the road less traveled (let’s face it, that takes a LOT of nerve!), and the gift of outright laughter.
Today my son has topped himself. He has managed to give me all 3 gifts at once. So, without further poo…this is William…MY SON…the one with the great big stiff…middle finger:
Solaris Gal…this one’s for you!
Connie, aren’t you proud of your Godson?
Dad…you know, I can’t add a thing here.
Marie…nyuck nyuck
Gay Dudes…sorry, I know it doesn’t look like it, but he’s straight.
It’s me again…Margaret
November 26, 2009
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Tags: humor, assholes, random, entertainment, personal, politics, opinion, Chicago, silliness, friends, dogs, life, sex, dating, women, local news, Marietta, Georgia, silly stuff, cobb county, marietta georgia, blogging, Annie Wilson, Atlanta, family, CNN, orgasm, Alzheimers, UCLA, confusion, john lennon, idiot box, once an adult twice a child, Charly, flowers for algernon, time travel, aphasia
I’m BAAA-AAACK!!!
And this time I’m typing from home. I will, more than likely, write about my experience at UCLA Medical Center one day soon but right now I’m bored with that and I would rather talk about MEEEE!!!
I’m officially a crazy old lady so my lifelong dream of becoming old enough to do silly stuff and be considered cute instead of nuts has finally come true. The nursing staff told my daughter that I was “pleasantly confused”. I guess that’s a nice way of saying “nutty as a fruit cake”. When I first came around after the stroke, I was frightened by everything because I didn’t recognize any of it.
But, after a while I realized that I was in a hospital so I sort of just assumed that the aliens were nice aliens and I decided to go along with the program. Since I’m pretty much just following the fates into a confused state that seems seems to be calling me closer and closer, I have no idea what type of blog posts people will be finding when they come here in the future. I suppose it’ll be as though I’m Charly from Flowers for Algernon and no one will know if tomorrow holds a witty Irish chick, a dithering idiot or some combination of the two.
And as batty as I may become, I will STILL make more sense than a hospital that has “Neuro-psychiatric Center” on the front door, “Stroke Unit” on the door to the wing, my NAME on the door to my room AND a promise of confidentiality. I don’t get that at all but maybe it’s me so I’ll just leave it alone until I have more to offer the entire botheration than my verbal wrath.
Confusion is feared by most people but once you adjust, it’s actually rather interesting. The smallest stuff has been fascinating me, like the thing in the bed that looks like a phone, has voices coming out of one side and lots of buttons but you can’t call anyone with it except the nurse.
Oh, and forgetting a few months of your life is exactly like time travel. If you don’t remember what happened since you went to bed on your last birthday which was several months ago, you have, for all intents and purposes, travelled into the future. It’s not something you’d welcome arbitrarily into your life…but it IS time travel nonetheless. Actually, it was space travel as well, after all, it was June and I was in Atlanta…now I’m in Los Angeles and I don’t remember how I got here although once I was told that I took a plane, I DID remember that my dog had flown with me.
I guess it’ll all clear up eventually…it did after the first stroke. I was right smack dab in the middle of singing The Happy Birthday Song to my niece when I suddenly forgot the words to the song. Or, I would need a cup and know what a cup looked like but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember what the heck one was called. Words would elude me and like the trips through space and time, you never see it coming. Who would foresee such a curse? No one expects to forget words that you use every single day of your life. Think about the repercussions of that…you could be in rush to order french fries, to get to an appointment or to have an orgasm and suddenly you might forget the word “faster”.
But it’s not all bad, actually there are several other positive things about confusion that are underrated my most people:
1. Lack of responsibilities like driving, babysitting and chopping vegetables.
2. Automatic approval for most government health plans.
3. Appreciation for the phrase, “Once an adult, twice a child.”
4. This is the time in life that you are allowed to fart nilly-willy and not see quite as many aghast faces.
5. If caught loitering, committing vagrancy or trespassing, you’ll avoid jail and go straight to the nearest hospital.
6. As soon as you GET to the hospital, they’ll give you the good drugs.
7. Confused people have absolutely NO interest it smoking, doing drugs or drinking. They exist in a permanent altered state of consciousness. Confusion is one helluva trip dudes!
8. After you spend some time staring at the idiot box, you realize that swings and long walks are much more fun.
9. Of course…if you walk long enough, you get a ride home from the sheriff’s department. If you’re lucky, you could even get a ride back in a helicopter!
10. You fully appreciate John Lennon while NOT under the influence of pot.
Imagine.
Well, I’m sure there are more but one of the bad things abut this entire sordid debacle is the fact that I can’t type anymore. Well, I can but it would probably be quicker to use a pen. This has taken me a LONG FRICKING TIME and I feel like assisting gravity in her efforts to keep the sofa on the floor. See ya!
I can’t spell alledgedly so I just qualify this by saying it is 100% MY OWN OPINION
November 17, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: random, personal, election, men, life, women, local news, Marietta, Georgia, cobb county, blogging, Atlanta, paul mergel, murderer, Mary Ann Mergel, matricide, family, blog, murder, Monmouth county, new jersey, georgia da, no place to hide
Some of you may remember my matricidal cousin…
…Paul Mergel. It appears as though he has gotten away with murdering 2 women…one was my aunt and the other was a New Jersey woman I never knew, but found herself ablaze after Paul tired of her. Occasionally I write something about the sonofabitch and although I hadn’t planned to do it today, I was put into this position when I received an email from someone I won’t name:
“hes in the Monmouth county jail here in new jersey Georgia refuses to extradite him because its a small misdemeanor he has for gun possession”
I made some calls and found out that Mergel is, indeed, in Jersey, specifically in the Monmouth County lock up. Here is a list of his charges:
Hazlet TWP. Failure to pay fines………………………………..no bail
Hazlet TWP. Bad Checks…………………………………………..$600 bail
Unlisted Agency Driving on revoked list……………………$500 bail
Middletown TWP. Contempt of court…………………………no bail
Middletown TWP. Driving on revoked list………………….no bail
Monmouth County has had him since September and as of this morning, he has no date set. But…the lady at the county said that it takes 2-3 months to go to court so this hideous waste of space could potentially go to court any day and find himself walking amongst decent folk and that can’t be.
My next call is to the Georgia prosecutors who don’t think that it’s worth a trip to Jersey to grab a murder suspect. I find that so ironic considering the red flags that went unnoticed in the Hassan case. If Mergel gets away and kills again, who do we blame? I hope those folks are pondering that possibility.
Now I’ll call the Gogia folk and ask some questions because because I CANNOT BELIEVE that GEORGIA would let Jersey keep a prime suspect in a murder case. Then again, maybe they’re trying to get back at Jersey for letting him leave the state after the death of his “girlfriend”.
I’ll figure out what I can and than I’ll let you know exactly who will be responsible when this thug is eventually set free. They say after you kill once, it get easier. I wonder what they say after you’ve gotten away with TWO murders?
More info:
http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2008/09/100-opinion.html
I know HOW to be a bitch…DUH!
The clock on this computer is finally correct. I guess it’ll screw itself up sometime next spring but for now, I’ll enjoy the convenient little time keeper in the corner and it’ll actually tell me the truth for a change. I don’t have to do any math, I don’t have to consider what time zone I’m in and by the time I get used to this method of time keeping, it’ll be wrong again.
I’m sure there’s a way to fix that sucker but when I sit at my computer, I usually have something else on my mind that takes precedence over the clock thing. Instead, I sit here for 6 months of the year chronologically challenged and wishing that there was a clock around here with the correct time on it. I sometimes think that I should offer myself as the poster child for procrastination but once again, there’s always something more pressing to take up my time.
You may ask why I don’t just stop what I’m doing and fix the stupid thing. Well, there’s a reason for that. Since I moved to the West Coast, I always worry about the people who like to read this crap in the morning. I don’t want to screw up their evening by making them wonder if I ever did get around to writing something and I certainly don’t want to mess up my own evening worrying about people I’ve never met so I’m always in a hurry when I sit down to write and with my daughter around, I notice how much time I spend writing. Sitting alone in my own place lends itself to writing more so than having a kid around seems to.
See? I’m digressing again and digressing is really just written procrastination, don’t you think?
I feel the need to do it again so here goes. My daughter keeps BBC on the television so much that she’s beginning to get a British accent. I’m not really sure how to change the channel without alerting her to my actions. She keeps that remote control so close to her that I can’t really do it discreetly, even if I wait for her to fall asleep. It’s not like I can do anything without the remote…if I tried I might end up pushing a button that can’t be un-pushed without the remote. Then I’d have to come right out and tell her, “I’ve screwed up the TV, I need the remote.”
That would start an argument over “Why didn’t you just get the remote in the first place?!”…after all, “What you did just doesn’t make sense!” I never claimed that I made sense and I never said that I wasn’t a flake. As a matter of fact, I’ve colored my hair blonde as a warning. If she assumes that I’m brighter than your average blonde, it’s on her.
You know that look that you get when you get caught doing something incredibly stupid like eating a co-worker’s lunch, locking the car keys in your trunk or asking a Pet-Mart associate where the peanut butter is? Well, I seem to be getting that look often and I don’t think it’s fair. I could take her into MY house and get annoyed every time she breaks one of MY arbitrary rules but it just wouldn’t occur to me. Even if I wanted to take the time and energy to do that, I’d just procrastinate until I forgot about it and nothing would come of it so I don’t even bother pondering over such minor transgressions.
I may notice a person who does something that annoys me, but unless they keep on doing it in front of me, I won’t go out of my way to bitch at them. It would be like trying to reason with a drunken person walking down the street…it’s not worth the time so I just keep walking to my destination. My daughter would stop and take the time to bitch at the drunk and there you have the difference between her and I.
The difference between a drunk and myself would be that I remember all the stupid stuff my kid tells me. Unfortunately, I never seem to remember to avoid irritating her. On Halloween she got mad at me for eating a candy bar. If eating a candy bar on Halloween can get you in trouble, who’s gonna worry about which kitchen sponge is for the pet’s dishes and which one is for people dishes?
And one more thing…I’m not nice because I don’t know HOW to be a bitch…I can do that quite well. I simply CHOOSE not to.
Larry David is a Dick-This Is My Case
October 28, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: Annie Wilson, blog, blogging, blogs, Curb Your Enthusiasm, entertainment, family, George, Georgia, italians, Jesus Christ, Kramer, Larry David, life, local news, love, Marietta, opinion, peeing on Jesus, personal, polacks, random, Seinfeld, sex, silliness, silly stuff
I like to think that I occasionally push the envelop when I’m writing. I like to do it and it seems to come naturally to me considering that I just write what’s on my mind. I may make a joke about someone’s sex organs now and then…but not their religious beliefs. I wouldn’t bother doing that even though it might be funny because it’s sort of like going out of your way to hurt feelings. Unless you are a husband who cheated on me, I probably won’t hurt your feelings if I can avoid it. (Of course there are exceptions to this rule…but you’d really have to be a prick to incur my wrath.)
I’m not sure what Larry David was going for in the episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm (he peed on a picture of Jesus Christ) but I suspect it was a play for publicity. His best cerebral work is behind him and without Seinfeld, David is just another Jew with a bad attitude. His character is a nasty little man without the appeal of a Kramer or George. I wouldn’t want that nit wit in my house so I won’t invite him in by watching his show. As a Seinfeld fan, it seems that everyone wants to give me DVD’s of David’s latest season. I tried watching the first season and except for a minute when David’s pants made it look like he had an erection, I couldn’t find anything about the show to be funny.
Obviously the show has it’s fans, I’m just not one of them. I’d like to see the episode with the old Seinfeld cast members, but other than that, I have no interest in tuning in to HBO to catch Larry David being a jerk.
It seems as though the pee was actually a splash-back of urine that missed it’s target. David wasn’t trying to pee on Jesus, but, inadvertently, he did. When a lady subsequently used the restroom, she observed the ‘peed upon’ Jesus and assumed that the image of Christ was crying, leading her and her mother to kneel down in prayer…right there in the bathroom.
Now, I see the humor in that and I’m sure many others do too. BUT…I’m also sure that some people would be seriously offended and the bit wasn’t THAT funny. I would never go to Islamabad and pee on whatever Islamabadians find sacred and I don’t think that David should pee on a picture of the most Sacred Being to ever walk the earth in the middle of America which…like it or not…was founded by a bunch of fervent Christians.
If those Christians had settled for some tents and sheets for clothing, America would be like the Gaza Strip. But, we didn’t sit around for generations throwing rocks at English people, we built stuff and created the country that many Jews, Muslims and Atheists aspire to call home.
It was the very same Christians who gave us the First Amendment so David is certainly allowed to be annoying, obnoxious and yes…even offensive. I just wonder why he would do so in such a despicable manner…even if it IS funny, and I admit that it is actually VERY funny.
So now that David has crossed the line into offensive humor, I assume another publicity hungry freak will try to top peeing on The Savior of all Mankind. I’m sure that someone, somewhere is trying to top David’s little publicity stunt as you read this. In case those people are coming up blank in their efforts, here are a few ideas that just might be offensive to someone and funny to someone else:
1. The Rabbi gets lice from a hooker and passes it on when someone else mistakenly wears his little black beanie. Before long, the entire congregation has lice, except for the Hasidic women who are all wearing wigs.
2. American tourist mistakenly takes a dump in that thing Muslims walk around by the thousands. Shocked…the Muslims take the towels off of their heads and use them to snap the offending crapper to death.
3. Pope answers ad on Craigslist to be a “host” at an S & M party. We find out he likes to play the submissive male and has even been seen hanging from ceilings with a red ball strapped in his mouth.
4. Crazy chick from Jersey goes to Utah and puts birth control pills in the water leading to the eradication of all Mormons except the Osmond family who are actually in on the caper because they want to eliminate the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and replace them with their own family members.
5. Called to treat for cockroaches, an Orkin man kills all of the snakes in a West Virginia church. He replaces them all with garter snakes and becomes famous when the congregation believes that he turned evil serpents into gentle beings.
6. A hemiplegic Auswitch survivor and a blind old nazi share the same room in a nursing home. When they learn of each other’s history, hilarity ensues.
7. Shortly after the first gay President takes office, he takes aim at the media who continually refer to him as the Gay Guy-in-Chief. Media strikes back with pictures of the gay president committing sodomy in the Oval Office with 7 prepubescent young boys. Liberal Supreme Court rules that taking it up the backside is NOT technically considered sex so the gay president dude is cleared of all criminal charges and returns to the Oval Office…and to the little boy tourists who get lost in the White House.
8. A Jewish mortician opens a business called Jew-Mart where up to 50 Jews can be cremated and their ashes stuffed into a single receptacle which of course is the no-frills model…you can buy a nicer one but don’t let him sell you the ten dollar waterproofing. That’s basically just 2 feet of Saran Wrap and you could waterproof the dead people in your own kitchen before you store them in the attic. There are occasionally Jews dumb enough to buy the waterproofing, but it means a mandatory tattoo with a big dunce cap on their left forearms if they do. They call it “Jewish Darwinism”.
9. White chick is ship wrecked on island with 32 black guys. She is in charge and the men can’t look her straight in the eye, approach her without invitation or fail to perform the day’s duty. She immediately commands them to build a new world for her as she goads them on with a whip made out of the same stuff Tom Hanks used to hold his raft together in ‘Castaway’.
10. At Joey and Dee’s local Pasta-R-Us, an obnoxiously loud Italian family is mowed down, mafia style, while enjoying a meal of eggplant Parmesan. The hit-man was another guinea named Guido. Guido’s mother insists on driving him to all of his hits after he gets a DUI. She can be very helpful as she was when her son took out the noisy dagos in the restaurant. She could only shoot the kids, but hey…somebody had to.
How do you trust after betrayal?
October 23, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: adultery, Annie Wilson, assholes, betrayal, blogging, blogs, cheating husband, CNN, dating, divorce, family, learning to trust again, life, love, marriage, men, personal, random, relationships, self esteem, sex, silliness, silly stuff, women
Hi….my husband cheated on the internet….he says it does not mean anything…but my world has fallen apart….we are back together….but how do i ever trust again….on your blog you went through something similar….maybe you can give me some advice….
Thanx
I’ll do my best but that might lead to more confusion. Anyway, I wish someone would have spoken to me about it but I didn’t know a soul to ask for advice. First let me offer my deepest and most empathetic, “I hear ya girl!” and now I’ll see what I can do with your situation.
First of all, whether he cheated online or in person, the fact is that your trust has been compromised and the pain you fell is valid. People might tell you things like, “Men will be men.” or “They all play online, it doesn’t mean anything.” For some reason people tend to belittle your feelings and minimize what the dishonest person did. Do NOT allow yourself to feel badly for feeling badly. It is what it is, you’re hurt, you’ve been deceived and the sanctity of your marriage vows have been cracked to the core. Trust your own feelings, if you feel hurt, you are. If you feel as though your husband betrayed you, he did. NEVER let anyone tell you differently or make you feel as though you did anything to contribute to your hurt feelings. That’s tough for most women by itself, add the efforts of a bit of a manipulator and before you know it, the deception was somehow your fault. Do NOT fall into that trap.
Next, make a decision while you have control over the situation.. If a marriage is going to end, do your best to end it on your own terms or else you will end up blindsided and reacting to the decisions made by someone else. That is NEVER a good thing.
If you decide to stay with your husband, make a reasonable plan. Tell him what you expect, honesty is a good start. Have a calm and serious discussion about what you want out of a marriage. Tell him in no unclear terms exactly what betrayal means so far as YOUR marriage is concerned. For example, if you feel betrayed when he looks at Internet porn, tell him so. Tell him that he has the option of disagreeing and leaving, but if he wants to stay married to you, he must avoid doing things that make you feel betrayed. Tell him what you are willing to do for him and ask him if there is anything that you can do differently to make him happy. That doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong in the first place, it just means that you’re willing to work hard to keep your marriage together. Set a goal for when you will be able to trust him again. I tried telling my ex to refrain from lying for one year and I would do my best not to act like a jealous fool. The problem was, he could never go for a year without lying. But, if he had been, he might have been able to earn my trust again. We’ll never know because he never did it, but if you’re lucky, your husband will try to earn your trust and you will see his efforts and begin to trust him again.
If you see that he IS trying, try to let him know that you’ve noticed and that you appreciate it. If you find yourself unable to trust him no matter what he does, I suggest that you get counseling, either for the two of you or just for yourself.
Probably the most important advice that I can give any woman is to take care of yourself. Go back to school, take up a hobby that you’ve given up or just take on a new hobby. Do something that is just for you. Make yourself a better person for you, your family and for your husband. The effects of doing that have unlimited potential toward making your marriage better, your life healthier and your self esteem greater. There is absolutely NO downside to that last piece of advice and as I said, unlimited potential exists for you to be happier, healthier and much more successful in life.
