I assure you….suicide IS painless
December 14, 2009
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Tags: humor, assholes, random, men, silliness, friends, women, relationships, Georgia, silly stuff, cobb county, blogging, Annie Wilson, cheating husband, pot, family, blog, suicide, alzheimers disease, Los Angeles, stroke, stoner, confused, cribbage, weekend, brain
As I sit down this morning…
…I have no clue where my fingers are about to take me. Nothing special has happened, no hideous health problems, no annoying political crap and my weekend, while enjoyable, wasn’t really noteworthy.
I did play cribbage for a while which I haven’t done in quite a while but other than that, and an intriguing lack of sex, this weekend will be remembered as the Wet Weekend in LA. The weather was more exciting than my own weekend. But, I suppose at my age I should be happy with that.
That, and of course, my new relationship. I’m afraid to talk about it, not because someone might read it but because I haven’t figured it out yet. I should…and I’ll probably do that…but not right now. I’m confused enough without adding romance to my cerebral duties du jour.
Apparently my brain is in a vulnerable condition as it is. After 3 strokes, I’m just happy that I can spell. The strokes, while not anything I’d really WANT to do again, are interesting.
When I have one, I don’t remember anything. I suddenly and without warning find myself surrounded by strangers and unaware of who I am, who they are or what in the hell is going on. I figure it must be a lot like Alzheimer’s Disease. If it is, you have no idea just how frightening it is to know nothing. There is a sense of self awareness, but nothing else at all. You can’t understand what the strangers are saying and they are absolutely NOT going to go away so eventually they become scary little creatures and sometimes I want to hit them. I haven’t yet…thank God…but I’ve come really, really close.
Hell, sneak up on me from behind in a bar and I’ll turn around swinging…and that’s when I’m sober. Get me all stroked up and I could really do some damage. Luckily, even my totally confused self starts to practice self restraint at some point. That’s a good thing but if I had to stay confused for any length of time I’m sure I’d smack a person or two…probably a couple times a month.
Every time I was confused like that, someone I knew eventually sparked something inside. Once I recognized ANYTHING, I recognized almost everything.
Anyway, I hope I never have to stay in that condition for any length of time. It would truly be hellish. I can handle forgetting the words to Happy Birthday to You…but if I couldn’t recognize my kids, I wouldn’t want to be here. And the shit of it would be, I wouldn’t have the wits to blow my own head off. I’d have to count on someone else and I don’t have any insurance so no one would really benefit from my death…but some nursing home would benefit from my pitiful existence. Maybe I should get some insurance and make Scott Peterson the beneficiary…yeah, that’d do it.
What a neat way to commit suicide! Think about it…you buy a huge policy and make some murdering SOB the beneficiary and if you get murdered properly, they get double the settlement. I know there are probably nieces or nephews out there thinking, “No need to leave it to OJ Simpson, I’ll kill you myself!” If that’s the case, just call your family member up and tell them that ONE TIME. After that there could be wiretapping involved so settle it all in the first conversation.
Of course, we do need some confused people around, they really are a laugh. I do enjoy them, mean and confused or nice and confused, they’re all fun to be around. I don’t think I’d be any fun to be around for any length of time so someone needs to shoot me…or sit me in front of a TV full of TV shows from the 50’s and 60’s, get me some music and bring me a joint to smoke and I’ll be one happy little old lady stoner.
Well, I think I’ve run the gamut so I’m gonna publish this sucker now. Have a lovely Monday and think of me the next time you sneeze.
Sex, sex, sex
December 7, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: assholes, Atlanta, blog, boobs, cheating husband, divorce, entertainment, fake boobs, friends, humor, life, lindsay lohan, marriage, men, old lady sex, old man sex, old people sex, opinion, penis, personal, random, relationships, sex, silliness, silly stuff, Viagra, women
Doctors, probably men doctors, are working on a cream that can be rubbed onto the penis to achieve erection. (LOLOL, that’s a helluvan achievement, isn’t it?) At some point the drug will have to be tested and that means that a bunch of men will either rub the cream on their own wangs or some chick will do it for them.
After applying the ointment in a rapid up and down fashion, an erection will show success. I’m just not sure of what it will show success. I’m not sure and I really don’t care. I am SO sick of the importance that society places on sex and of all the new an improved ways to have sex. I could wax philosophical on you but I choose to use wax you with humor because that’s the way I roll.
Americans have been having sex earlier and earlier for as long as I can remember. When I was a teenager, most of us chose to listen to the warnings of our parents, “If you ever get pregnant, don’t come home.”
Add to early onset sex the social permission we have to hump multiple partners and we’ve had a LOT of extra sex going on around here lately. It’s really no wonder we run out of sex juice early, we’re using it all up before we’re 50. (Luckily for me, at 51 I seem to have maintained some extra sex juice. I think it’s leftover from my last marriage.)
And honestly, for all the talk about it, sex isn’t the be-all end-all in life. Personally I would rather get a pedicure. So why is everyone doing all this penis rubbing and little blue pill popping? I don’t know. They should invest their time and money in a sailboat. I’d sail away with a dude who had one of them…with or without the sex accoutrement’s.
And then women…what are you doing to your boobs? Have you ever SEEN an 80 year old woman with implants? I have and let me tell you…it is NOT a pretty sight. The implants may remain in place, but the real boobs go on some crazy gravity induced escaped and when you’re flat on your back, the nipples are somewhere under your arms. They don’t have a blue pill yet that will explain the social obligations of a man who encounters 4 boobs…on one woman, Lindsay Lohan is NOT involved.
I suppose you could look at the bright side, the dude can suck your nipples and rub the big round things at the same time. If you can do some of that for him, he might not need the ointment.
Do you realize that we have men wielding plumbing long since out of warranty on women hawking parts decommissioned years ago? Old people sex just CAN…NOT…BE…THAT…GOOD.
It almost sounds like heaven for the decrepit old men, doesn’t it? But there is one huge problem stemming from all of this squeaky old people sex…a local gynecologist reported that she treated “more cases of herpes and human papillomavirus at this particular retirement villages than she did when she worked in Miami.” These people made it through WWII, Korea, Viet Nam, the entire Sexual Revolution, cheating on their spouses and God knows what else. For the better part of a century, these folks avoided the clap and yet they can’t survive widowhood unscathed by any odd lesions, infections or small crawly things. Thank God their parents aren’t around to see what they’ve done.
And shame, shame on those old women! “Whatever you know about 20-year-olds, it’s the same with seniors,” said Roselyn Shelley, a resident of The Villages Retirement Community. You would think that women would have gotten over any self esteem issues before they turned 70. I don’t know why they would service a bunch of cheap old men. At the very least, I would charge the guy a few bucks to make it worth my while.
And of course, where there are women and black-market drugs available, you can expect violence. Local cops do their best to keep the neighborhood safe, but according to Lt. Davis, it’s no picnic. “You see two 70-year-olds with canes fighting over a woman and you think, ‘Oh, jeez.’”
Important Dating Tip For Women Of All Ages: Women, listen to me, if you do ABSOLUTELY nothing else, get the guy to pick something up at the store for you on their way over to your house. There’s no better time to get a man to pull his wallet out of his pocket. Trust me on that one.
Oh yeah…beware of men who come to you with a tube of anything. It’s NEVER a good sign. Either you rub it on him or he plans on being very lazy in the foreplay department. So when it comes to ointments and sex…just say no.
Life can be something…’ey?
December 5, 2009
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Tags: 'ey?, adultery, Annie Wilson, assholes, Atlanta, blog, blogging, blogs, california, canada, cheating husband, cheating men, CNN, dating, divorce, faithful men, Georgia, humor, i love you, life, local news, Los Angeles, love, Marietta, marietta georgia, men, minnesota, personal, relationships, Rick Kelso, sex, silliness, silly stuff, tiger woos, women
That “‘ey” is in honor of my Minnesota boyfriend. He doesn’t say it much, but Minnesota just reminds me of that “word”. I heard it a lot when I lived in upstate New York…way upstate…like 30 miles from Canada upstate.
Anyway, I wrote about Minnesota Dude in this post:
http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2009/12/i-was-chatting-with.html
The gist of it was that he “doesn’t say I love you because of how women change after you do say it”. Whatever…it didn’t bug me too much at first but the more I chewed on that particular piece of fat, the more it stuck in my craw.
When you stew on something like that long enough, the heavier stuff starts to stick to the bottom and then it burns just enough to ruin the whole stew. That’s a bitch for all concerned. It wasn’t as if I brought the subject up in the first place…apparently MN. Dude misunderstood something I said and the he just went off on that pleasant little topic and announced his premature edict.
Afterwards, I was climbing BACK up THAT emotional cliff all week and I had just about gotten back to the summit from which I jumped in the first place. The way I was headed, the weekend would have been spent pondering 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.
Then, out of the blue, I get a phone call from the man who’s figured it all out and has a plan…Never I say ‘I love you!’.
Reeling from my most recent sprint back up to the precipice of loveless reality, I wasn’t ready for the phone call that I got at about 10 tonight. It was MN. Dude. I wondered if the tone of my voice gave away the thoughts that I was having…and second thoughts at that, the type that are tougher to hide…or at least it seems so.
And then as we were chatting, out of nowhere, I get the “I love you.”
I was quite taken aback, to say the least. I had no response because even though I could think of a myriad of things to say at that moment…not one of them was phone chat. Think about it, any reply at all, from a snappy comeback to a thoughtful acquiescence, would really be better given in person.
I might be able to get away with a long distance snappy comeback but it’s tough enough to know when I’m serious in person…I’d hate to take any chances over the phone.
The other day my ex Rick called to see how I was doing and he STILL maintains that he can’t tell when I’m kidding. I reminded him of how easy it was…if what I’m mad at is stupid, I’m kidding. If the issue has some gravity and it would make sense to be angry, then I’m not kidding. He STILL doesn’t get that one. Oh well, maybe someday he will.
So, a guy said he loved me tonight and I’m just jaded enough to wonder what he’s up to. I haven’t figured this one out at all, not a ‘taaaalllll! as Sheriff Taylor would say.
I can name two men who I know that I can say with almost 100% certainty have never cheated. I can say WITH 100% certainty that every single one of my husbands and a few of my boyfriends HAVE cheated on me. And then, to make matters worse, a great guy like Tiger Woods turns out not to be so great after all. It’s like some sort of omen going on here!
But I’m gonna really try hard not to make MN. Dude pay for the mistakes made by other men. And WHATEVER I feel tonight, alone here in my apartment…I’m quite sure that, good or bad, I’ll feel quite a bit different when I’m with MN. Dude…after all, I happen to LIKE back hair!
Search This!
December 2, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: afghan insurrection, and that's the way it is, Angelina Jolie, angolina jolie, animation, Annie Wilson, anti-freeze as shortcut to divorce, ass lovers, bi curious men, bi-sexual college sluts, billy cyrus, camel toe, carrot top, carrottop, cbs news, cheating husband, chelsea clinton, chelsea clinton fiance, commander-in-chief, courage and carolina, Craigslist, dancing with stars, deformed penis pictures, divorcing rick kelso, dominant, Donny Osmond, donny osmond dancing with the stars, entertainment, flagged for removal, gay marriage, George Bush, global warming, greenhouse gasses, huge tits, humor, jump the shark, katie couric, kkk, local kkk meetings, local news, lorena bobbitt, Los Angeles, marriage, michael jackson, miley cyrus, mily cyrus, Minnesota Vikings, Multiple Sclerosis, myopia, natural huge tits, new orlean saints, news, olympic hospital, opinion, oprah, picture of pussy sucking, presbyopia, president obama, relationships, republican senator, rocky movie, sado-masochism, sex, sluts, South Park, star trek conventions, submissive, super bowl, television, The perky one, tics, tiger woods, tiger woods wife, van wilder 3, walter conktrite, where's waldo?, wife gets revenge, women, women who like to suck pussy, yellow windex
The Afghan insurrection is a bitch and Tiger Woods seems to have some explaining to do. If he IS a cheating husband, and I’m sure the the retiring Oprah would agree, Tiger’s wife would be the only person entitled to any information from Tige. It looks like the cops have left Tiger alone and simply ticketed the allegedly errant husband. The rest of us should do the same and say, “I’d rather hear stuff about the unbeaten New Orleans Saints and hope to God that they annihilate Minnesota in the Super Bowl.
Now, I suppose I’ve already disappointed many searchers out there but even though I may have already jumped the shark, I think I’ll even pick on President Obama a bit…not because he’s irritated me at all, he hasn’t. I even got a kick out of his pardon of turkeys Courage and Carolina. Where did Courage come from? I don’t know. I just know that I enjoy Presidential Turkey Pardons and have ever since George Bush the 1rst made it a official function of our Commander-in-Chief. That’s pretty neat stuff…as Miley Cyrus and her father Billy Cyrus would say.
You know, I watched the Perky One on CBS News last night and I was amazed at how tiny her eyes were. Also, I was brow furrowed by the way Katie Couric wore her glasses…for the Republican Senator, she didn’t wear glasses but for the next guy, she did. What’s up with that? In the Emergency Department of Olympic Hospital they have TV’s that you can pull really close to your face so you would think that a big network news show could figure out a way to either, put crap closer to Couric or just leave the glasses ON and back everything the hell up. I don’t know if she has myopia, presbyopia, astigmatism or a tic that involves putting glasses on…but one of the Top 3 Networks should be able to pull that one off. They could even have the South Park show animators draw a pair of glasses on her face so she doesn’t look quite so schizophrenic.
You may have noticed that I am trying to see how many searches find their was here because of all of the iconic, social and entertainment references that I’m haphazardly stringing together here. Now I am going to bask in the land of porn so you have been warned, skip this paragraph if you want to…it’s something that Craigslist would most likely have flagged for removal (cowards that they can be…or maybe they’re just lazy, I haven’t figured it out yet.) Anyway, for some odd reason that I cannot POSSIBLY fathom…and I have given FAR too much thought to fathoming…people land on my blog by searching pussy worms. I don’t get that. I did worms on my ceiling once, but never pussy worms. Also, I get a lot of hits from people who search for “women who like to suck pussy”. I don’t really get that. The only pussy I have ever sucked is this one:
…See? Why should men or women obsessed with pussy come here? I discuss pussy’s, dicks and the late Michael Jackson almost as often as I discuss penis’s, men on men sex or lesbianism…and that’s not too often. But still, perverts of all persuasions find their way to Divorcing Rick Kelso. I get submissive, dominant, sado-masochist, great ass lovers as well as huge natural tit aficionados. Oh well, what goes on between consenting adults behind closed doors…
Sometimes I understand the searches. I get a lot of, ‘wife gets revenge on husband’, how much anti-freeze does it take to kill a man’? and ‘Lorena Bobbitt: Where is she now?’ I even understand the searches for deformed penis pictures, after all, I discussed my ex’s messed up member a LOT.
Sadly, there seem to be an inordinate number of ‘My husband left me when I got Multiple Sclerosis’ which explains the searches for ‘How to hide a dead husband”.
Anyway, That’s about it for now, but before I go, I need to annoy people who deserved to be annoyed:
Star Trek Conventions
Van Wilder 3
Greenhouse gasses, global warming and gay marriage
Angelina Jolie
Chelsea Clinton’s fiancé
Where’s Waldo?
Where is Carrot-top performing?
Donny Osmond should have won Dancing with the Stars
Will there be another Rocky movie?
Find your local KKK meeting
The new Windex is yellow, can I still use it on my windows?
Bi-sexual college sluts
Bi-curious men
OK, I’m done for now. If you happen to think of other worthy searches, please, don’t hesitate to put them in the comments section!
And that’s the way it is.
-Walter Cronkite
Oooh…I almost forgot…camel-toe.
It’s me only I’m different now
November 25, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: humor, entertainment, opinion, men, silliness, friends, life, divorce, marriage, sex, dating, women, relationships, Marietta, Georgia, silly stuff, cobb county, marietta georgia, Annie Wilson, obama, Atlanta, cheating husband, family, CNN, stroke, cva, brain injury
Hi ya’ll!
I’m still in the hospital but my daughter brought me a laptop so I can talk to you. I can’t talk for long because the longer I talk, the better your chances are of noticing that I’m quite confused. I wouldn’t like that at all. They keep asking me stuff like “What day is it?”, “Who’s the president?” and “Where are we now?” I keep crib notes written in the palm of my hand but that only works for 24 hours before I have to get new notes.
I read the shirts of the people asking me those questions and it would seem as though I’m in Los Angeles and it’s November. Imagine my surprise! I thought I was in Atlanta and it was June. Oh well, it could be worse, I could have forgotten that I was divorced and that would suck. Instead, I seem to have a boyfriend and I didn’t even know it!
He’s a very nice man, he comes to see me every single day and I’m impressed with my taste in men. He’s rather good looking and he’s quite tall. He weighs twice as much as I do and I like that in a man. I’m afraid to ask him if we’ve had sex yet but I figure that as long as I’m in the hospital, it isn’t really an issue.
It appears as though I’ve had a stroke but other than a headache, I feel pretty good. My nurse just came in to give me pain medicine so I’m gonna let her. I’m glad that I wrote stuff everyday because at some point, I need to figure out what’s happened to me since June.
See ya soon!
How do you trust after betrayal?
October 23, 2009
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Tags: adultery, Annie Wilson, assholes, betrayal, blogging, blogs, cheating husband, CNN, dating, divorce, family, learning to trust again, life, love, marriage, men, personal, random, relationships, self esteem, sex, silliness, silly stuff, women
Hi….my husband cheated on the internet….he says it does not mean anything…but my world has fallen apart….we are back together….but how do i ever trust again….on your blog you went through something similar….maybe you can give me some advice….
Thanx
I’ll do my best but that might lead to more confusion. Anyway, I wish someone would have spoken to me about it but I didn’t know a soul to ask for advice. First let me offer my deepest and most empathetic, “I hear ya girl!” and now I’ll see what I can do with your situation.
First of all, whether he cheated online or in person, the fact is that your trust has been compromised and the pain you fell is valid. People might tell you things like, “Men will be men.” or “They all play online, it doesn’t mean anything.” For some reason people tend to belittle your feelings and minimize what the dishonest person did. Do NOT allow yourself to feel badly for feeling badly. It is what it is, you’re hurt, you’ve been deceived and the sanctity of your marriage vows have been cracked to the core. Trust your own feelings, if you feel hurt, you are. If you feel as though your husband betrayed you, he did. NEVER let anyone tell you differently or make you feel as though you did anything to contribute to your hurt feelings. That’s tough for most women by itself, add the efforts of a bit of a manipulator and before you know it, the deception was somehow your fault. Do NOT fall into that trap.
Next, make a decision while you have control over the situation.. If a marriage is going to end, do your best to end it on your own terms or else you will end up blindsided and reacting to the decisions made by someone else. That is NEVER a good thing.
If you decide to stay with your husband, make a reasonable plan. Tell him what you expect, honesty is a good start. Have a calm and serious discussion about what you want out of a marriage. Tell him in no unclear terms exactly what betrayal means so far as YOUR marriage is concerned. For example, if you feel betrayed when he looks at Internet porn, tell him so. Tell him that he has the option of disagreeing and leaving, but if he wants to stay married to you, he must avoid doing things that make you feel betrayed. Tell him what you are willing to do for him and ask him if there is anything that you can do differently to make him happy. That doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong in the first place, it just means that you’re willing to work hard to keep your marriage together. Set a goal for when you will be able to trust him again. I tried telling my ex to refrain from lying for one year and I would do my best not to act like a jealous fool. The problem was, he could never go for a year without lying. But, if he had been, he might have been able to earn my trust again. We’ll never know because he never did it, but if you’re lucky, your husband will try to earn your trust and you will see his efforts and begin to trust him again.
If you see that he IS trying, try to let him know that you’ve noticed and that you appreciate it. If you find yourself unable to trust him no matter what he does, I suggest that you get counseling, either for the two of you or just for yourself.
Probably the most important advice that I can give any woman is to take care of yourself. Go back to school, take up a hobby that you’ve given up or just take on a new hobby. Do something that is just for you. Make yourself a better person for you, your family and for your husband. The effects of doing that have unlimited potential toward making your marriage better, your life healthier and your self esteem greater. There is absolutely NO downside to that last piece of advice and as I said, unlimited potential exists for you to be happier, healthier and much more successful in life.
The penis’s I’ve known and loved…
October 17, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: Annie Wilson, assholes, blog, blogging, blogs, cheating husband, Chicago, CNN, cobb county, dating, divorce, family, friends, humor, life, local news, marriage, men, one night stands, penis, personal, random, relationships, sex, silliness, silly stuff, women
…and one word to describe them each:
Mark’s penis: Convivial
Mike’s penis: Tricky
John’s penis: Troublesome
Mark’s penis: Industrious
Steve’s penis: Crafty
Rick’s penis: Gnarled
Tim’s penis: Elusive
Brian’s penis: Memorable
Robert’s penis: Monumental
Dave’s penis: Distinctive
Mike’s penis: Delightful
Neil’s penis: Pesky
Scott’s penis: Invasive
Marks’ penis: Historic
Jeff’s penis: Productive
Ed’s penis: Leviathan
And never let it be said that I’ve forgotten a decent one night stand. I might forget a name, but I never forget a penis. So, to those nameless penis’s out there, I salute you one and all. Here’s remembering:
Omnipotent
Daring
Inquisitive
Mercenary
Fraudulent
Ambiguous
Hercules
Oh, and to Distinctive…you would have done better but for the fact that you are a smother fucker. You should really learn to keep your weight off of a little woman. Gasping for air is not always a good thing.
People! I implore you!!!
September 18, 2009
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Tags: Annie Wilson, assholes, Atlanta, blackhead dude, blog, blogging, blogs, cheating husband, Chicago, CNN, cobb county, dating, divorce, entertainment, farts, finger in asshole, friends, Georgia, humor, life, love, Marietta, marietta georgia, men, penis, personal, random, relationships, sex, silliness, silly stuff, trying to be nice, women, x-rated
Sometimes I try to be nice. I try too hard every now and then and when I do…I’m left with a conundrum that I cannot solve. So, I thought I’d toss out a couple out there and see what others think.
Like this one…you may or may not have been confronted with it yet but chances are pretty good that eventually you will…what do you do when you are with a person old enough to have one of those hideously huge blackheads of which the afflicted is totally unaware? Rick had one on his clavicle and while it was big then, I’m sure that it is QUITE the monster now. That is, of course, unless he has one of those women who seem to enjoy removing strange things that arise from a man’s epidermis. My sisters are of that school and to tell you the truth, I don’t know where THAT came from. I’m a nurse and yet, when confronted with skin that is harboring God knows what outside of the workplace, I make a diplomatic exit. Of course, I HAVE been known to make a semi-diplomatic exit in cases of an imminent eruption or a man who wants me to banish the foreign entity from his body. Yeah right. I can refer them to one of my sisters, but that’s about all I can do for another person when certain ickyness presents itself.
Last year I found myself behind a much older man and one morning I awoke to his back. I couldn’t believe the monster blackhead that I had, no doubt, touched and yes…even made love to. That got me out of bed quicker than would have an approaching kangaroo.
That’s the last I saw of that guy…yes, the blackhead did it. That may make me seem shallow…but you never saw that thing.
Trust me, I did the right thing. I can’t always be nice.
I could never have sex with that guy again. I would worry about that blackhead like I worry about my finger that gets too close to an asshole. I don’t mean an asshole like Mark Colletti, I mean a real asshole. I would never venture there on purpose (not that there’s anything wrong with it….PEREZ!!!), but occasionally, in the past…and against my better judgement, I have tried to do a bit of an anal favor. I quickly took that particular number out of my repertoire.
So much of sex is in your mind and anal involvement simply serves to ruin the mindset, if you know what I mean. I sit there (or lie there) and think about keeping a shitty finger away from anything that I don’t want to contaminate. Generally, there isn’t a damn thing that you want contaminated in your immediate area…especially if you’re naked. There ARE a couple of exceptions…if I can reach the dude’s wallet, I’ll wipe my finger on it. If not, I’ll stick it in his amorous mouth.
That may seem a bit much, but it’s better than being obsessed with washing the e. coli off of my finger during sex. And don’t forget that I had already said “ICK!” before I was coerced into some guy’s asshole. I have too many other talents to be worrying about asshole involvement during sex. By the way…yes, there is that certain area AROUND an asshole that I don’t mind exploring…but penetration is NO LONGER an option.
The above policy covers MY asshole as well. Besides the fact that it’s annoying, I could potentially be holding back a fart.
What would you do?
September 18, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: adultery, all suburband pest control addison illinois, Annie Wilson, assholes, Atlanta, blog, blogging, blogs, cheating husband, Chicago, CNN, cobb county, dating, divorce, family, friends, Georgia, help me get home, humor, I hope thay hear about it during sex, I'll get the fucker, I'll get the fucker and his freak wife, I'll move into the same suburb, life, local news, Marietta, marietta georgia, Mark Colletti, marriage, men, opinion, personal, random, relationships, sex, silliness, silly stuff, women
Good morning!
I’ve slept on my anger and let it go away. Now I’m back in a funny mood so it’s all good. BUT…I have decided…for a plethora of reasons…to make a huge change in my plans.
To that end, I’ve been taking roads that I had never considered navigating. One of the turns has me asking my most recent ex husband to consider a one time payment of the balance of my alimony that would benefit both him and myself.
I’m not happy about that and I may still yet back out if negotiations should downhill and it looks like it won’t be worth it to me. I made a fair offer, I assure you. It was so fair that he jumped on it. But, should he get in the mood to haggle, I’ll push away from that particular table. My plan will not change, I’ll simply have to set course on a different road. By the way, all roads lead to Chicago.
All I wanted to do was to be with my daughter and my ex husband has done a number on her while she is in a particularly pliable condition. That’s all I can say without breaking confidentiality but trust me, I wanted to be with my daughter to help her through it. Now that the little Italian wart dude has manipulated my daughter in the way he has…I can safely say that he has attacked my very last vulnerability and like Aragon in ‘Lord of the Rings, I have decided to ride out amongst the Orks and meet Sauron’s army head on.
That translates into a move to Chicago. This decision was not made without careful consideration. I had to list some pros and cons to be sure that I was doing the right thing so I did.
MOVE TO CHICAGO: PROS
1. All of my children make NUMEROUS trips to Chicago and I have enough of short, round and bald’s family members who would keep me abreast of when the kids were there if no one else did. That’s a guarantee to see them on holidays.
2. I have friends and family in Chicago, I know the city and it IS my home after all.
3. This would drive my PERFIDIOUS, DUPLICITOUS AND SURREPTITIOUS INVERTEBRATE of an ex-husband, not to mention his corpulent, addlepate miscreant cohort absolutely BONKERS!
4. I LOVE Chicago in the springtime!
5. CUBS GAME AT WRIGLEY!
6. I don’t discuss the Sears Tower much in Atlanta but I would think that in Chicago, there would be a LOT of opportunities to, in protest, continue to refer to the tallest building in the country as “The Sears Tower”.
7. If I asked for directions to a guitar shop, I will not be sent to a “gud tar shop”.
8. Many, many more men in Chi-Town…and they are men of some quality. (And I already know where a few of them are. 
9. EXCELLENT radio stations.
10. One word…OPRAH. My antics could keep her busy for a weeks worth of shows.
11. Other “First Wife’s” will live vicariously through me as they watch me leave my exile in Georgia and move alarmingly close to my bully of a cheating ex and his freak of the fenales. Other “First Wives” (and some husbands as well!) will understand the havoc wreaked upon an emotional terrorist when the terror victim decides to say, “Let’s ROLL!”
12. Chicago has some of the best museums in the world and I ADORE museums.
13. Vienna Beef
14. I want to stare at the Bean some more.
15. Many more sailboats and a lake so big that you sail away from the glaring eyes of the people on the land. Lake Lanier is nice, but if I fell out at any spot on it, I could easily breaststroke to the shore.
16. SNOW! I may eventually get sick of it, but it will take a few Chicago winters.
17. I won’t miss my next class reunion.
18. This move may send my ex to Georgia…need I say more?
19. MANY opportunities to run into my short ex and his freakishly tall cohort.
20. I’ll be ever so much closer to the REAL Acorn money.
CONS:
1. I’ll need more xanax.
2. Oh yeah, I’ll need a winter coat, gloves, a scarf, ear muffs, boots and those cool hand warmer things that you can also stick in your shoes.
3. After decades of a failing “live and let live” strategy, I’ll have to get closer to my attackers. (But, I think this is also a good thing as those 2 are good at long distance attacks but they suck at defending their own back yard.)
So, what do you guys think? Any constructive suggestions will most assuredly be considered. Also, if you’d really like to see me stick it to an ex who has left me no others coices, let me know. I can use all the help I can get.
Now, all I have to do is get there.
:):)
Hey…Bug Man
September 17, 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: addsion illinois, adultery, All Suburban Pest Control, angry pig, Annie Wilson, assholes, Atlanta, bastard, blog, blogging, blogs, BUG MAN COLLETTI, BUG MAN MARK, cauliflower pussy Dee Colletti, cheating husband, Chicago, CNN, cobb county, contempt, cooking, dating, deana colletti, divorce, dogs, domestic violator, domestic violence, entertainment, family, fat wife, friends, fuck everything you ever loved, Fuck you, fuck your horse, Georgia, hairless pig, humor, I had some nasty things to say, I HATE THIS BASTARD, I will not die...not THIS DAY!, life, little piggy, local news, Louisa May Wilson, Louisa May Wilson Mark Jerome Colletti, love, Marietta, marietta georgia, Mark Cheated on me constantly, mark collletti, mark j colletti bug man, marriage, men, Oh, opinion, penis, personal, pig, pissed off ex, random, relationships, revenge is a meal best served NOW, shithead, silly stuff, television, that reminds me, This is fun, ugly pig, video blogging, violent little italian man, women
For DECADES, I’ve been held hostage by a socially insane little bug killer man who sits around his house with a wash cloth on his head to keep the hairs from falling out. The Iranians got nothin’ on this leech…he feeds on my emotional tears and he isn’t ready to die so he MUST continue to evoke those suckers.
That’s OK…like Rick, this shithead of massive proportions has done something that you should NEVER to do a perceived enemy, he left me with nothing to lose. As this blog nears it’s wooden anniversary, I can tell you that I’m nothing if not persisent, consistent and downright tenacious when I’m cornered.
Guess what?
I’m in a corner and I just figured out that I’m pretty much alone in it so what the hell? Thinking about having no one else to worry about other than myself, I suddenly feel a great deal freer.
To the Bug Man…Mark Colletti of Addison, Illinois, and his vermin queen…what’s her name…kiss my ass…and one more thing, I come out of corners swinging.
