Posted by: anniewilson | February 6, 2005

Dear Meg,

I am a 27 year old professional. I have a dilemma that I cant understand for the last two months I have been taking a certain young lady out and have been pretty much seeing her everyday. I thought she was having some feelings for me but I went out of town for two weeks I just got back a week ago, so I went to see her when I came back and she tells me almost as soon as I see her that she has a boyfriend now and that she has been seeing him for the last four days. I asked her how long has she been seeing him she said” for four days” the whole time I was courting her she said she didn’t want a boyfriend so I played it cool and she was showing signs of fondness. I don’t know if she is lying maybe to stop seeing me or what. what did I do wrong and how should I handle this situation? give me some good advice!

Dear Professional,

Well, a few things could have happened. First, she could be telling you the truth. It is possible that she was not “looking” but you know what they say, “Just when you stop looking…” We don’t all have a grip on our feelings.

I have a question for you…while you were gone, did you call her? Did you send a dozen (not 11, a dozen) roses? Some of us don’t like to be ignored for any length of time, you may be just taking care of business and may be thinking about us the entire time. But… we are not mind-readers anymore than you are. It is possible that she was so offended by your lack of attention that she just got mad and blew you off.

OR…did you pay her TOO much attention while you were gone? So many people make the mistake of going on that date that never ends. You go out, talk for hours, start calling the next day and every single day after that. The first night was great but if you don’t give a woman time to reflect on you and your wonderful self, you can lose out entirely.

(It has been my experience that the guys who call everyday beginning after the first date are kind of scary. And the ones who “LOVE” me within a week are truly freaky. That is not the way a healthy relationship begins. Now, I know it works for some, but a good rule of thumb is to get to know each other slowly. This is not the same as game playing by any means. It’s just smart and weeds out a few nuts.)

Now, you asked for advice and I am going to give you some. You have two options here, you can either forget about her and see if she calls YOU back eventually. If not, oh well, you will find someone else. OR…you could send her those flowers with a note attached to them saying…”I’ve been thinking about you.” Nothing else, no phone calls, no messages other than the aforementioned, “I’ve been thinking about you.” Either she will see that you ARE a kind and romantic man and forgive you for your previous insensitivity or she will remember you should she dump the new guy. This is up to you, and how much you liked her in the first place. But the best advice I can give you is, DO NOT KEEP TRYING TO CALL! That never works and will only annoy her. Women like a self confidant man and one who calls constantly this early in the game does not give the air of confidence that we like. As a matter of fact, just the opposite is true. We think you are sad and pathetic. Sorry, just being honest here. Now, keep in mind that all women are different and what works with one won’t necessarily work for another but you can never go wrong sending flowers, unless of course, there is a restraining order against you.

-Meg

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