Posted by: anniewilson | February 8, 2005




So, you want to be abused? Here’s how to do it in a few easy steps.

First, you must go out with a male. He should be someone you don’t know very well. It helps if he is the kind of guy who “loves” you within a week of that first date. After he calls you every single day or stays at your house after the date, you must ignore that HUGE red flag. (I call that the date that never ends.)

Next, you must perceive his jealousy as a sign that he truly cares for you. When he gets mad at you for going out with your friends, you must STOP doing that. Cut every single REAL friend you have out of your life so that he is happy and there is no one left to point out the fact that this guy is an imbecile.

Now, he who looks behind doors has stood behind many so you must learn to accept his covetous behavior and ignore the fact that he is actually the one who is cheating. When he denies it, you must be dumb enough to believe that he is NOT cheating and feel extremely guilty for accusing him in the first place. Then, you must start doing things to make him happy so that he stays with you.

When none of your efforts pay off, feel even worse and try even harder. After a while, your self esteem will be gone and then you will be ripe for abuse! When he punches holes in the wall, cover them up before anyone sees them. (Be sure to keep all of this a secret or your family may start trying to bring you to your senses!)

Sooner or later you will be hit and then you will know that you are truly on your way to a life of hell!

Now, should you get into an argument, don’t have a cell phone. The land phones must be yanked out of the wall before you can call the police. And should the police come, be sure to tell them that you DO NOT want to press charges. If they see the bruises and arrest him anyway, be sure to visit him in jail so he knows you are still volunteering for the role of punching bag. You may have to PAY his bail so keep some cash on hand for just that purpose.

Now, when you ponder the abuse, it is very important to have the following attitude:

“He must really love me or else he wouldn’t get so upset!”

If anyone sees the bruises, tell them that you walked into a wall or some such crap. Defend your abuser to the max, otherwise, you will be in no position to be smacked again.

The real point of being abused is to exterminate any shred of self esteem you have. So, you must forget the fact that you accomplished more being single than you ever did while you were being abused. Also, you must believe him when he says, “Who else would want a fat bitch like you?” If you ever feel as though you should find another guy, you must not allow yourself to believe you are good enough to do so.

Some other helpful tips, pay for his recreational activities (whatever they are), let him live with you rent free, give him your ATM card AND the PIN. Buy him clothes so he can go out on the town looking good while you stay at home waiting for him until all hours of the night. Be sure to let him have his way with you at his command.

Now, this can take some time so don’t be in a hurry. But…if you follow these tried and true steps, you are sure to be an abused woman!

As most of you know, I usually qualify these types of posts by mentioning the fact that men can be abused as well as any woman can. They can’t defend themselves for fear of being arrested and can’t report it for fear of being laughed at. Also, the gay community has a problem in this area as well. Some cops can be soooo macho that they laugh at the entire situation and some abused gay people are still “in the closet” and may fear “outing” should they report the abuse. I should have added this paragraph before I posted it and I apologize to anyone who felt offended.


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