Dear Meg,

My fiance has 2 little girls that are spoiled rotten. I wonder all the time, can I deal with these brats? If they lived with there mom it would be one thing, but “Tom” (not his real name) has custody. What should I do?

Ready to beat up two little girls.

Dear Ready,

That is one heckuva problem. I have been there and all I can say is, THINK about this one. No matter how much “Tom” loves you, nature has seen to it that he will protect his little girls at all costs. The best idea is to speak about this with a pastor or any objective third party before you get married. You didn’t mention the ages of the girls so it is hard to judge them at this point, are you sure they are really brats or are you just sensitive to the subject?

Assuming the worst, that they really are brats and that “Tom” does nothing to discipline them, I have some very good advice but it takes a very mature person to take it. You must have the following attitude:

They aren’t my kids, and if thier behavior has nothing to do with me, I cannot get upset about it.

It’s that simple, just be pleasant and let “Tom” deal with it. Now, if it DOES have something to do with you (or your belongings), then you have a right to complain. But don’t complain directly to the girls, go to “Tom”. Tell him that the girls were disrespectful to you or your stuff and that cannot be.

Rick had one kid who liked to start fires and both of his kids lied as well as Rick did. I eventually took on the attitude that I just described to you. It was very difficult because my kids were there as well and there were two sets of rules but I was not about to relax the rules that my kids abided and see them turn into hideous little arsonists from hell. Rick’s kids would enjoy being able to eat in the living room and get desert even though they didn’t eat thier dinner. Mine, on the other hand, had to eat at the table, had to at least TASTE everything on thier plates and didn’t have to eat it all but received no desert if they didn’t. This is one example of many.

Now, all of my kids have been to college, the youngest graduated Phi Beta Kappa from UGA last summer. (I was soooo sick at the time but damn, I was proud!) Rick’s kids have both been to jail. His youngest is 23 and is married to a woman in her mid 40’s. I must post some more pictures.

The bottom line is your marriage. If you want to be happy, let him handle his own kids and interfere only when asked to. You and your marriage will be much happier. And, if they truly are brats, one day you will sit back and say, “I told you so.”