Posted by: anniewilson | August 5, 2008

Rick is a lying cheat

  There were many signs that my husband was cheating on me again but when he started brushing his teeth on a daily basis, I knew something was up. This bald man with no self esteem has never been able to tell a woman “No.” Having seen some of his mistresses, I can’t imagine what he would refuse. It is amazing how many women would want a man that would cheat on his wife. But if Elvis impersonators can get laid, I guess a bald man with a twisted penis can get lucky.
  His penis is not only twisted, the head is smaller than the shaft. It looks kind of like a pencil with a worn out eraser. They say that baldness is caused by increased levels of testosterone so I guess that explains this man’s voracious appetite for sex. I once found him masturbating to an adult movie on a channel that we didn’t get. He was getting off to the slanted, half silent, half moaning reception of some sex channel.
  Usually, I would find a man with such a sex drive appealing but I prefer quality over quantity. I once glanced at the alarm clock as I climbed into bed. It was 11:00. Rick then began to get “frisky”. Foreplay, the act itself, the climax and the first snore all by 11:08. I swear on my children’s life. I couldn’t believe it. He had never taken so much time in his life.
  Now he is someone else’s problem. I can’t help but relish in the thought that one day, Rick will stop all this tooth-brushing and turn into his regular self for her. She will get to wonder how this man who used to brush his teeth can’t seem to keep a pair of underwear free of skid marks for 12 hours. I have spoken to other men about this and it even grosses them out. When you gross out another man, you are, well, gross.
  I wish I could say he will challenge her with his mind but until I pointed out his mistake, he was calling Pensacola “Pepsi-Cola” and Philadelphia “Philadel-THia”. At first I thought he was a quiet, mysterious man. I slowly realized that he was just a moron who had nothing to say.
  Perhaps she thinks she has latched on to a man who will pay her bills. She may think he has a good job and compared to other men who date trailer dwelling bimbos, I bet he does. But, this is the exact same job, title and position he had when I met him 23 years ago. I don’t see him becoming CEO anytime soon.
  He did start working out again for his mid-life crisis so I guess his body will be something. Except of course, for the misshapen penis thing.
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Responses

  1. funny stuff, wish I had something to say other than, good luck, you are better off without him.

  2. hilarious. you are so cold — i love it. he’s a jerk, you deserve better. and this post must have be cathartic. good luck with everything.

  3. I’m glad it made you guys smile. It’s been a while and I’m over it now but I still enjoy telling the story. There’s more…much, much more!

    🙂


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