Posted by: anniewilson | August 7, 2008

Not all box lunches are good things

Annie,
What about US? What about the women and what we want?…And why do you talk about sex all the time?

All the time? I didn’t realize that I did. But if I do…it’s pretty understandable…it’s been a really, really long time since I actually HAD sex so I guess it’s just coming out here a bit.

 And…for the other woman that wrote…for some reason, there were only 2 emails from women yesterday…I didn’t leave out the women’s side of oral sex…I just hadn’t gotten to it yet. I couldn’t do both of them at the same time…no computer 69’s for me.

I guess I sort of left the 69 blowjob out of the blowjob chat, but I don’t really consider that a blowjob so much as I consider it just 69. Besides, there’s no way to describe what to do during that blowjob because so much depends on what the guy is doing and whether or not he pulled the pillow out from under my head before he turned around. If nobody thinks to move that stupid pillow…there isn’t much that can be done except just to lie there and….take it.

Oh well. The guy has much more control during 69…unless the women gets on top, which, I must admit, I have never done and I don’t want to do. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy sitting on someone’s face AND balancing myself. So, the only control that I have during a 69 is that when the guy slows down…down there…I slow down too. If he really screws up, I’ll just stop. If you do that enough, like one of Pavlov’s dogs, he will figure it out and start doing it right again. I would say something to the dude, but I was raised not to speak with a full mouth.

Anyway, the lady didn’t want me to speak about dick’s in mouths, she wanted me to talk about…well…how do I say this…men playing the hairy harmonica.

I’ve run across a few of those, “If you can’t fry it, I won’t eat it.” types of guys. I don’t hang around with them more than once. And TO those guys, I’d like to know something…What the hell are you thinking?

I know that there are a few guys around who don’t care at all about whether or not the woman has any fun during sex, but luckily, there aren’t too many. I’m quite sure that most who do care only do so because it’s the smart thing to do. NO self respecting women would allow a man to have 3 orgasms without seeing to it that the woman has at least 1. I’ll give someone 3…after that, he better start saying the word RECIPROCITY to himself over and over again. Or, he needs to just move on to some stupid young chick who doesn’t know any better.

I’ve given it a bit of thought and I don’t think that there are too many variables with a woman…you either do it right, or you get the hell off. A nice woman will just tap on your shoulder, ass or even your head when she wants you to just give it up and quit already.

So basically, there are just two ways to do that, the right way or the wrong way. There’s very little in this world more frustrating than having someone do it the wrong way. You don’t always have a man’s head between your thighs and when you do, you expect certain things. I don’t know how a guy can have more than a couple women and still do that wrong, but plenty of them waste a lot of time down there just goofing off.

They either do it too soft or too hard, too slowly or too quickly…AND THAT SHIT JUST DRIVES ME NUTS…and I mean that in a BAD way.

There’s no reason in the world to keep a guy around who just annoys you in that arena. It’s not like a blowjob, there IS a bad…box lunch. And it’s not just disappointing, it’s downright MADDENING. So close and yet so far. I’m getting irritated just thinking about guys who just fiddle around with that tongue, lacking direction and purpose. They wander around aimlessly, all Daniel Boone-like, taking wrong turns and totally disregarding the help that I am trying to give them as I follow their tongue around with my hips. They stop and start over and over like a bad driver who can’t keep his foot on the accelerator with an even pressure.

I want to hit them with a large piece of wood. How tough can that be? If you find it taking a really long time, ask yourself some questions. Don’t assume that all movement from a woman is a good thing, consider the possibility that someone is trying to HELP YOUR STUPID ASS!

Younger women might just fake it and get on with their lives, but older women won’t bother with you at all if you can’t perform up to certain standards. Why in the heck would we? I don’t have as much time as a younger woman so I’m not wasting it on someone who doesn’t know how and doesn’t bother trying to figure it out. Like I said, a guy who does that wrong is more annoying than a guy who doesn’t do it at all. I’ll help you out a bit, but only if you ask. If you don’t seem to want to know, then I’ll just wait for you to leave and then I’ll stop answering your phone calls.

This is actually more important to a woman than a blowjob is to men. All guys can enjoy sex in a few different ways but most women, on the other hand, count on this crap. So, be a good boy and pay attention next time…OK?

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Responses

  1. very amusing! Just a couple of tips I’d offer: a little guidance is appreciated, either verbally or physically (grabbing and guiding the back of the head helps);for a change of pace try male on back, head on pillow, woman straddling, leaning forward with hands on head board. That way you have more control.

    oh and the exact words of my ex-wife was “quiver” , not tremble as I said yesterday. as in “felt my thighs quiver”

  2. LOLOLOL…I don’t do head boards. I don’t even want to think about what might happen if I were in that position!

    But, if it makes me quiver, whose to complain?

    🙂

  3. Damn…WHO’S to complain. I hate typos!


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