Posted by: anniewilson | August 18, 2008

A Guest on my Blog

Don’t you just love a gentleman?

HE SAID: Hi there,

Can we fuck tonight and I could be a guest blogger at your bog? Let me know if you are interested.


I SAID: LOLOLOL, I would have said yes but you mispelled a word.

Sorry, I’ve kicked guys out of my bed for less than that. But you can always be a guest on my blog!



As usual, I think of all the good shit to say after I blow my chance. A chance is all I’m blowing today…I shit you not. I should have said, “So, you must be the car horn honker dude. I’ve been seeing you around the planet since the early 70’s. How’s that working out for you?”

But I pretty much challenged the nimrod so he wrote this back to me:

It was a honest mistake. Please note that I wrote “guest blogger” and correctly spelled the word “Blogger.” I worry about the state of your mind if you can’t handle such a minor and honest mistake by another human being. This is a total turn off. You shouldn’t be writing sex blogs. I will note this at your blog tonight.

OK. What’s wrong with that picture? I didn’t say he was totally illiterate, I just said that he misspelled a word:

“…I could be a guest blogger at your bog?…”

1. I don’t have a bog. I avoid bogs. Funky green things with or without webbed toes live in bogs.
2. A-If you were truly worried about my state of mind you should have stayed away from me and:
B-Um…”A honest mistake” is in the eye of the beholder. If you don’t care enough to put the spellchecker on for me, you obviously don’t care what I think of your writing skills. I can accept a minor gaffe if it was part of an overall sweet or funny correspondence, but yours didn’t qualify.
3. A total turn off? Which part of my response gave you the impression that I WASN’T trying to, at the very least, dampen your spirits?
4. Sex blogs? I wrote a sex post. I also mention my ex husband every so often. That doesn’t make this a bald man blog.

And the biggest faux pas of all, number 5. You threatened me with some vague nonsense that I don’t really care about. Wouldn’t you think that this would come from a very manipulative person? I wonder how many women do fall for his techniques?

Anyway, I’m nothing if not a good teacher so I told Email Dude:

“OK but you’d be making a silly mistake. I just made a joke…you’re taking it far too seriously. Now, if you were smart, you’d be persistently annoying.”

Now he has had time to think about things and he is playing the game much better. He does show some promise. But, he’s awfully green. That’s not TOO bad, green wood is MUCH more pliable.

It was he who asked to be a guest on this blog (unless he really DID mean “BOG”) so I don’t feel badly for putting his handiwork out there. I won’t out his ass, but if he wants to play, I’m always right here.

I wonder what nasty things he was going to “note” at my blog tonight? And…I wonder why he had to wait until night to say it. Maybe he knew it would take him that long to come up with something good. That’s why an email relationship can be so misleading. He has all the time in the world to think of something clever to say. When I make a joke, you have to get it right then, not on your way home. I don’t like stupid people.

I think it would be more accurate to say, “I don’t FUCK stupid people.” I DO like a few. Some of the stupidest people I ever met were also some of the most decent. That inability to “think outside of the box” has it’s good points…stupid people know the rules and obey them. They’re too stupid to even consider something other than the clearly defined rules.

My ex was a bit of a conundrum, I must say. He was both stupid and immoral. No matter how well he hid everything, he was an open book. I could figuratively smell the other women on my husband. He was too stupid to see that his lies gave him away and then he was stupid enough to stick to those lies no matter how many laws of physics his story broke. But, I was the stupidest of all, I gave up 25 years of my life to a bald headed, skid mark producing, hairy backed smelly dude. Ain’t that a bitch?

I wonder what my guest will come up with next?



  1. “can we fuck tonight”…really? that is an instant classic. How can anyone be so dopey?

  2. One would wonder.

    You will not BELIEVE the other emails. I’ll post them next.


  3. […] […]

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