Posted by: anniewilson | September 14, 2008

OMG! Look out, here comes the Bob Costas’s!

The worst part of doing your nails isn’t the part where you have to stay inside the cuticles. It isn’t the part where you have to avoid the use of your fingers while the polish dries. It isn’t even the first chip in the new polish. Those are certainly all annoying, to be sure. But they all pale in comparison to the actual removal of the enamel that seems to have taken on super strength, staying power and nail polish remover resistance.

The more coats you have applied, the worse it gets. It’s as though each coat fights not only for itself, but for the coat beneath it as well. And of course, that last coat is the most impervious of them all, unless you count the part along the bottom cuticle which for some crazy reason doesn’t want to let go.

The person who packaged nail polish remover like a stamp licker thing by putting a sponge in a jar full of nail polish remover helped things a great deal, we can now bathe our fingertips in acetone until we have burned the hideous layers of color off of our nail beds. It does take a while and after surprisingly few uses, your fingers all turn the color of the nail polish remover in the jar so the irritating polish really does find a way to win in the end.

It seems that for every different product that we use to accessorize our particular features, there’s an annoying little removal chore waiting for us with it’s own special removal oil, creme or scrub. Especially on the face. Heck, they even make products that are specifically created to rub off layers of your skin. Apparently skin looks bad on a face.

Without a bottle of eye make-up remover, you can’t get mascara off without either burning your eyeballs with soap or looking like a raccoon. And, for some reason, one eye is always more resistant to the fluid than is the other eye so you still have to use soap to finish off the eye with the tough mascara. It’s only one example of many potentially uncomfortable and assuredly time consuming little chores that many of us have to contend with before we leave our homes.

I would specify women but somehow, the males amongst us are quickly jumping on the “look pretty” bandwagon once only occupied only by females and transvestites. I don’t know what to make of the newest riders of this particular bandwagon, but I’ll tell you this…the first guy to sneak eye liner of out my Kaboodle gets a swift kick in the backside.

Anyway, I understand why the bra burning thing never caught on, we all need a bit of support, or at least most of us do. But why women never had a make-up bonfire, I’ll never understand.

Of course, any woman has the right to refuse to wear make-up, but a woman who doesn’t wear make-up suffers the same fate that used to afflict men who did. It is assumed that they are gay. To quote the great Seinfeld, “not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

In my entire half century of life on this planet, I have never been mistaken for gay…unless that is, I was with my best friend who never, under any circumstances, ever wears make-up. She refused to let me put so much as mascara on her mutant small eyes while I helped her get ready for her wedding…to a guy. Ever since we were teenagers and even so recently as this past summer, we have been mistaken as a very close lesbian couple.

Being the annoying little women that we can be and have been for 37 years, we didn’t mind encouraging the curiosity of those already staring at us wondering…is she or is the other…or are they both…wearing comfortable shoes?

When the cosmetic industry is a huge part of the national gross product of a country and cosmetics play such an important part in our assessment of other people, perhaps it’s time we tried to phase out the annoying, irritating and chemical filled products that we spend so much time, money and effort to obtain and utilize.

Even people who are all “natural” and “Green” and eat dried banana chips instead of potato chips and refuse to use toxic products to clean a filthy toilet will rub chemicals all over their faces, underarms, upper arms, legs, backs, chests…even their private areas…and this is all done at least twice a day with different groups of chemicals. Where’s the consistency of logic in that scenario?

And, oddly enough, instead of going down at all, cosmetic use is about to double as the men start finding it more and more acceptable to apply a bit of eye liner, have a mani-pedi or cover up a bit of grey here and before you know it they’ll all look like Bob Costas. Face it, if men are going to use cosmetics, some of them are going to go nuts like Costas and Phyllis Diller. YIKES! Those two alone are my argument against high-definition TV.

Anyway, I would take a picture of my self and post it with this but I can’t, I don’t have any make up on. But, give me a couple of hours to shower, apply make up and fix my hair, and I’ll be back.

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