Posted by: anniewilson | September 19, 2008

The Big Bang Machine

I would never, ever toss trash out of a car window. I have more respect for my town, my country and my planet. And if I were to litter, I could get a ticket and pay a fine for dropping a gum wrapper where I shouldn’t have. But mad scientists who don’t know when to quit have been playing some mighty scary games lately.

I looked the other way when they cloned Dolly the sheep. I shook my head when they started impregnating women with litters of babies. I hear that they’re working on INVISIBILITY…seriously…by bending the light that allows us to see. I was going to let that go although I have to tell you, I feel around for invisible spies whenever I shower.

But now those suckers have gone too far. They have developed a “Big Bang Machine”. Really:

“…The Large Hadron Collider is ready to start smashing its first particles together early next week after glitches with the $7.2 billion “big bang machine” were fixed by engineers…”

Now, correct me if I’m wrong…but didn’t I hear about some Big Bang that started the entire universe? Apparently a universe is pretty damn big. I don’t think there’s much room outside of one of them. But the scientists are going to play with universal creation and they’re doing it with a machine that has suffered “glitches”.

I don’t know what they’re up to with that machine but wouldn’t it be a bitch if they accidentally created another universe? Unless we find some room for that thing, we pretty much have to collapse into a black hole or something like that and I’m not sure that we’ll be able to bring our stuff with us.

And even a group of us made it through the black hole and then found each other on some nice planet, we’d have to start all over again. We’d need metal and the chances of one of the survivors knowing anything about smelting would be pretty thin. We’d all probably be pretty thin as well. I don’t like eating food that comes from the ocean, I know damn well that another universe wouldn’t offer much in the way of fine cuisine. Before it’s over, we’d probably have a Donner Party. Ick.

I’m pretty sure I would be one of the first people eaten. If you think about it, I’m not as strong as a man, unless he’s a cripple. My childbearing days are probably over so I wouldn’t serve much of a purpose. Of course, I would be the one who knows how to get by using my wits and all of the years I spent using phones that were attached to the wall. So, maybe my resourcefulness would save me. But…I still would be at the top of the menu, after the crippled dude and Angelina Jolie.

We couldn’t even imagine some of the creatures that might be in another universe or deep inside the Black Hole. Heck, look at the creatures on THIS planet, rattlesnakes, flying cockroaches and Michael Jackson, to name a few. We wouldn’t know whether to bring a machine gun or a fly swatter.

If you ask these yahoos why they’re doing all of this, they always give the same lame answer…”To learn how we got here.” That’s supposed to be a really, really good reason to spend billions of dollars on machines that could destroy us all. Seriously, what the heck difference does it make? We’re here, deal with it. How it happened really doesn’t matter. I sure don’t care.

I’d rather see the billions spent on lunar vacations…THAT, I would think would be worth the money, especially if they allowed gambling.


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