Posted by: anniewilson | September 20, 2008

Men, sex and women who say, “NO!”

I went out on a date last night and I had a very nice time. The guy I went out with is a bit older than I. I’m not sure how much older because apparently, HE lied about his age.

I’ve know him for years, since I was still married to Rick. A couple of years after Rick made his escape, this guy started paying some attention to me. I never paid too much attention back because I’m not in the market for a guy. But, after a guy asks you out over and over again, sooner or later he’ll catch you on a good day. A couple of weeks ago, this guy caught me on a good day so I said that I would go out with him. He is a nice guy after all and I just figured “What the heck?”

We’ve been out a few times and I’ve had him over to dinner a time or two. During one of our first dates, I asked him how old he was. He told me that he was 57. I believed him, I had no reason not to. It just never occurred to me that he would lie about that. It didn’t matter to me how old he was, he’s just plain old. After some point in time, all of us are just plain “old”. It doesn’t matter if we’re 57, 67 or 77, old is old.

Last night he introduced me to his daughter who is almost 40. I asked about his other kids and he said that one of them was 42. I quickly did the math and asked, “You started procreating at 15?” He just said “No, not that young.” and then he brushed the question off. I didn’t push it at all.

Our date progressed nicely and eventually he brought me home. When we got here, he came in and sat on my couch so I just did what I would have done anyway, I watched the episodes of Family Guy that I had recorded while we were out.

Of course, he started to make out and that was fine, I can deal with that. But then suddenly his hands went all Daniel Boone on me and they started wandering all over my body. This is where I became annoyed. I wasn’t annoyed that he tried it, I was annoyed that when I moved his hand away he asked me why I was doing that. That’s a pretty stupid question if you ask me. DUH! I’m doing it because I’m not comfortable with that stuff right now.

I’ve mentioned before how I hate to find myself in a position where I have to explain myself and that’s exactly where he put me last night. What the heck is up with men? Why can’t they date a woman for a while before they try to get their clothes off? Is it me? Am I a prude?

Last January I decided that I wasn’t sleeping with anymore guys unless it was turning into a serious relationship. Of course, I have my fuck buddy so I have that covered. I’ve had this one for close to 4 years and I adore him. He knows his job and he does it well. So, except for him, I haven’t slept with a guy since last holiday season.

I had a few beers last night so maybe he thought that I would be “loose” enough to sleep with him. But what he doesn’t know is that, when I’m on a date, as soon as I have the first sip of alcohol, the chances for having sex are nil. I don’t make those types of decisions when I’m drinking. So, if he was trying to get me to loosen up, he was doing it in the worst possible way.

I just don’t get it. Why is it that men think we will jump into bed with them as soon as they go for it? If that’s what people are doing nowadays, I’ll just buck the trend and carry on with my plan, no meaningless sex…period. But I can’t imagine that a lot of women are hopping from bed to bed…there has to be more chicks like me who save the goods for the right person and time.

Ladies, are you out there? And men, what are your views on this subject? I’d love to know what’s going through the guy’s mind and I find that if you want to know what a man is thinking, you just ask another man. So…what the heck is up with sex in the new millennium?



  1. Is it contradictory for me to respect your decision to limit yourself to “meaningful” sex while not following the same practice myself? I am tired of holding onto sex like is is a treasure or prize. It’s just sex. Our bodies were designed for it. It feels good. It’s even exercise!

    Of cousre, my position is somewhat justified considering that I have never been able to have a fuck buddy. I can have sex with a date without getting overly attached. But if I have a regular, i get all mushy with him and want more out o f it. So instead I consider my dating pool a long list of fuck buddies. The ones that stick, those are the specials ones that become boyfriends.

  2. I agree with you on meaningless sex. It never makes me feel good about myself and if it’s not with someone I love it’s absolutely pointless in my eyes, even degrading. Also, in addition to loving the person, he also has to be my Shiva. Ok, basically he has to be like a hindu deity (is that too much to ask?) To be a Shiva he must practice Tantra; when sex becomes synonymous with spiritual ecstacy, only then will I give in.

  3. SciFi, No, it’s not at all contradictory! We are women and we each should have the power to make our own decisions about such things. I respect your system too! And I must admit, I am quite lucky to have my fuckbuddy.

    But, as Vesna pointed out, it can make a person feel degraded. If you’re cool with it, more power to you! I’m just sick of men who use women as a toilet for their sperm.

    It’s a shame because I wouldn’t mind being a bit more sexually active, I just think that I have more to offer and I’d like to know that the guy cares about me rather than thinking, “Good piece of ass, on to the next one!”

    I, too, can and have had sex with guys and never developed feelings for them, I’m just bored with that.

    Thanks for your opinions, I really am curious about this considering that I was with the same man for over 20 years and now I’m STILL trying to figure out the rules!

    Go figure.

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