Posted by: anniewilson | September 22, 2008

Crook for Hire!

It’s already another week, this year is going by so quickly. Time seems to go by quicker and quicker as the years go by. And once you have kids, the years REALLY zoom by!

Yesterday morning I took some money out of my drawer and in my rush, I stuck the rest of it in one of my wonderful hiding places. That means that I’ve hidden it from myself so I have a nickle, a dime and 4 pennies. When I was a kid that would have bought me a bottle of pop, a candy bar and 4 pieces of penny candy. Today it’ll buy…NOTHING! I can’t think of anything that costs 19 cents. Maybe one screw at Home Depot. Unfortunately, I don’t need a screw.

Ooh! I just found another penny sitting on my desk! Mo’ money, mo’ money!

I’m so broke right now that I wouldn’t even start my car, the gasoline is the most expensive thing I have. I wish I had better luck than I do, I’d consider robbing a bank. But, I just am not the type to get away with something like that. Besides, all I know about robbery is what Brad Pitt taught Thelma in the movie Thelma and Louise.

A lot of banks seem to be getting robbed around here, I guess it’s the economy. One guy here in Cobb County didn’t even have a gun, he just handed the teller a note. Apparently, that worked. I haven’t heard anything about him getting caught yet.

Let’s see, what else is there? Blackmail. I wouldn’t know who to blackmail. I don’t really know too many people worth blackmailing. And I’m not really sure what the blackmail rules are. Besides, so many people have given blackmail a bad name by going back and demanding more money later…and that’s just wrong.

Prostitution? First of all, I don’t think there’s a huge call for 50 year old hookers and secondly, I wouldn’t know where to find a “john”. If I were to be a hooker, I wouldn’t be a street walker hooker, I’d just entertain privately in my own home. And that would mean that I would have to clean the living room and do the dishes. I’m just not that into it. Besides, my flannel jammies would probably lower my price.

I could be a cat burglar…but I would probably get chased away by a dog. As I said, I just don’t have the kind of luck that lets me get away with crime. Damn it.

Oh! I could do a smash and grab! I just don’t know what to grab. I guess a purse…but I need a lot of cash, not someone else’s credit cards. And what the heck do you use to smash the window? I don’t have a big rock on me. I could spend half a day just looking for the right sized rock and once again, I’m just not that into it.

I could be a hired killer chick! I understand they make a lot of money. But, for some reason, most hired killers seem to do business with cops and then they end up on American Justice or something like that. If I’m going to be a crook, I’m going to do it right.

I’d really like to be an Ocean’s Eleven type of crook, that seems like a lot of fun. If anybody out there is planning a huge caper like that, could you email me? I’d like to help. I fit really well into small places so if you need a contortionist, let me know!

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