Posted by: anniewilson | October 12, 2008

Whos dick do you have to suck to get tickets to the Bears game?

It’s not even 7 AM and I’ve already been grocery shopping. Last night I fed the animals their last cans of animal food (they still had kibble) and I was far too tired to go to the store so I went to bed figuring they wouldn’t starve overnight. I really think that I should have bitten the bullet and gone out last night.

As usual, I woke up to 3 mammals staring at me, meowing and growling (softly to get my attention, not in a mean way). They all wanted me to wake up and feed them. I stumbled out of bed and made a pot of coffee. I tried to drink a cup, but it’s not easy to enjoy a cuppa with a bunch of beasts surrounding you so I gave up and decided to go to the store.

Now, I don’t usually go to the store in my jammies, but this morning I just didn’t care. I’m wearing flannel pants and a t-shirt. The t-shirt is my favorite, it’s a Cubs shirt but I’ve bleached it so many times that it’s falling apart. And, I wasn’t wearing a bra so I just put a sweatshirt on over the t-shirt and hit the road.

I ran in, grabbed a bunch of Alpo and 9 Lives and then I ran back to the car and drove home. Now, I’ve fed them all and not one of them has any further use for me. Ain’t that a fine how do you do?

Usually I take my dog every where I go, unless it’s totally inappropriate, of course. Today the Bears are in town to play the Falcons and I don’t have a ticket. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I’m absolutely POSITIVE that there are tickets floating around that won’t be used and I need to know, who’s dick do you have to suck to get one of them? I’ll leave the dog at home if anybody’s interested!

If there are any dicks out there that need sucking, let me know where your seats are, the one with the best seats wins. Damn, if one of you had 50 yard line seats, I could make you smile for days and days.

If I can’t go, I’ll just sit alone in my living room yelling things out to myself. That’s no fun. I can say things like, “MAN! That was a perfect pass play, why in the HELL did he run the ball?” But, there’s no one else to argue with me or even to bitch with me so it’s sort of like watching Jeopardy alone.

I do watch Jeopardy alone sometimes and as stupid as this sounds, I still shout the answers out even there’s no one around to impress. I guess I’m just covering myself in case there’s a stupid ghost watching with me.

By the way, I have to warn you, do NOT order the Dish Network…EVER! It blows something awful. There are no decent channels on the system that aren’t pay channels. If there’s a movie channel that shows old movies, like AMC, it’s a pay channel on Dish. The GAME channel is nothing but reruns of game shows from ions ago and IT’S a pay channel! I DO have Lifetime but I don’t watch racist or sexist stuff and that channel is so sexist that I refuse to watch it.

Lifetime has pretty much nothing except movies in which some evil man is ruining some innocent woman’s life. It’s awful. If there was a channel that only showed movies with evil black people, you’d see it for what it is, but since it’s only white men that they’re depicting as the devil’s spawn, nobody seems to care. I’ve been leading a boycott against Lifetime for years but it hasn’t gotten much media attention because no one minds if the victim is a white man. But, if you would be so kind, please help me spread the word.

One thing I have now that I didn’t have before is a DVR thing. I can record stuff and watch it when I want to. So, I have it set to record The Family Guy and South Park. So, basically, I had a satellite installed and I’m making monthly payments to a company so that I can have those two shows to watch whenever I want to. A VCR and all of the shows on a DVD would be the same thing, but this way I can bitch about it.

Oh well. I didn’t plan on waking up this early but since I did, I have time to clean the kitchen before church so I think I’ll do that. Then, I’ll be ready to watch the Bears game if I don’t get any takers on the blow job thing.

I think I should hurry so I can get to church early enough to say an extra prayer that some horny guy with an extra ticket might be close enough to close this deal!!!

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Responses

  1. Mine.

  2. Well then, details dude, details. I’m here! And you’re as cute as a button, I might give you a freebee AFTER the game too! Man, halftime will be amazing.

    : )

  3. Don’t mess around with guys online,they might be pervs,rapists,murderers,or Republicans.

  4. Um, out of NOTHING but innocent curiosity, what kind of pervs?

    Honey, This is fun for me. Besides, only good guys wear ties.

    : )

  5. I live a long long way from Chicago,I live in Key West,so I won’t be dropping by.

  6. LOLOL, I wasn’t worried at all. But you seem to think I’m in Chicago…I’m FROM Chicago…I’m IN the Atlanta area.

    The Bears were here yesterday. I did not enjoy the game at all. But…there’s always next week.

    : )

  7. You know that poem took a lot of work,you should think about moving on now.

  8. PULEEZ! I wrote it YEARS ago. I HAVE moved on, you just don’t know me and my sense of humor…first of all. Seconly, if my honesty is a problem, let me know and I’ll work on some fiction.

  9. OK, you win. I took the entire post down. I hate to do that because I did feel that way at one time, like it or not. I could always say what people want me to say but it wouldn’t be me. But it’s obvious that the perception of that post wasn’t me either. Whatever.

  10. Sorry,didn’t mean to hurt you with the comment,If you wish I won’t comment again.

  11. Not at all! I look forward to your comments! But as I said, I’m the exact opposite of every woman you’ve ever met! I’m honest and straightforward and I like it in others. Don’t ever be afraid to speak your mind, I’m not.

    ๐Ÿ™‚

  12. Let me be honest with you and then we will see,I am a retired Miami-Dade cop ,I drink to excess,and smoke to excess,I am lazy and I am not pursuing any more careers,all I do is go deep sea fishing and drink beer in the evenings and I don’t care about women one way or another (I am straight) My relationships with women are long over,and I have this stupid little blog that I fool around with,thats my life any more questions?

  13. Actually I got a big kick out of the poem,I printed it out and showed it around,its a big hit down here.

  14. Any MORE questions? I never asked the first one.

    I LOVE to fish! You have to promise to take me some time and then we can both drink beer while you tell me cop stories.

    : )

  15. My son lives in Marietta (did I spell that right) maybe we could get together for a drink when I visit him.

  16. Yes, you spelled it properly. I’d like that. I’m here!

  17. Aha! See? It’s all in good humor. Your friends know that. I aim to make ’em smile!

    ๐Ÿ™‚

  18. My email is **********.com,I should change it to ****** now,(just being honest)

  19. Great about getting together sometime but NO cop stories thats too depressing and its history.

  20. OK, then we’ll talk about Gilligan’s Island.

    : )

  21. lets talk by email now,thanks

  22. How good do u suk dick?

  23. First of all, it’s “How WELL do you suck dick.” I’m in the union.

    http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2005/11/this-post-is-rated-o-for-oh-martha.html

    What do you think?


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