Posted by: anniewilson | October 26, 2008

Damn, I was a rude little bitch

I overslept today which means that I didn’t get up until 7. I usually get up at 4 or 5, especially when I go to bed as early as I do. Last night I went to bed at 9 so I never expected to sleep so late. I guess that means that I have to go to the later service at church. I should have joined a church with less options. If I can’t make it, I can’t make it.

The Catholic Church makes it really, really hard to miss mass. They usually have at least one service a day. Try to find an excuse in THAT church! It can’t be done. When I was a teenager I enjoyed the guitar mass but for some stupid reason, they made that the very first mass of the day. It was insane early, especially for a Sunday morning.

But, my cousin and I would get up that early to go to guitar mass for three reasons. First of all, we had to go at some point and it was fun to sing “Michael row your boat on shore” and “Kumbaya”. I’m sure I spelled Kumbaya wrong but jimmy crack corn and I don’t care. The next reason was that we could wear whatever we wanted to wear. This was the early 70’s so we wore hot pants and blue jeans. My cousin was better at wearing clothes like that because she had these huge knockers. But I was just a tall, skinny thing with legs “all the way up to my ass”. On top of that, she HAD clothes like that, I didn’t. But, I’d wear hers when we went to mass so it was all good. The final reason that we went to that mass was that there were a lot of guys there. It was sort of the “mass to go to” for teenagers. So basically, we went to guitar mass to pick up guys.

You know, looking back, we never did pick up any guys at church, but we sure as hell worked hard at it. We were even going to church to pick up guys later on when we went to the Itasca Baptist Church in Itasca, Illinois. We started going there because of the transportation benefits.

The church had 2 buses, one went east and one went west. My cousin and I would both get on our own bus, go to Youth Group on Friday night and then we’d take the same bus afterwards and go to one of our houses for the weekend. Sunday morning we would go to church and then take our own buses home. Our parents didn’t really care which church we went to as long as we went.

My father still remembers that Elaine and I were using the church for a ride…I didn’t know it was that obvious. I wonder if the church people were wise to us too?

When I was with Elaine, I would do things that I would never have done alone. We seemed to enjoy making each other laugh and we pretty much went as far as we needed to in order to get the laugh. One day in Youth Group, the youth pastor was preaching about Jesus. He was really getting into it and at one point he said, “Jesus is the fruit of the cake!” I couldn’t let that go so I said, “Speaking of fruitcakes!” Damn, I was a rude little bitch.

Elaine could certainly hold her own in the rude department though…she walked through the halls of my school pretending to have some hideous form of palsy. At the time, we thought that was funny stuff. But, we also were the only girls we knew who listened to Dr. Demento so I guess we were a tad askew.

Eventually Elaine’s family moved back to Jersey and she left me alone…all full of attitude but no one to use it with. You can burn a hundred bags of shit on people’s front steps, but if you don’t have anyone to do it with, it’s just lame.

And hitchhiking was totally over. I never hitchhiked alone and at about that time, it turned into a stupid thing to do. My hitchhiking days are long gone but it was absolutely a plan back in the day.

“How are we getting there?”

“We’ll hitch a ride.”


You can’t do that anymore. That’s too bad. The 70’s were a WHOLE lot different than today. It’s amazing how quickly things have changed. In the 70’s, the cops didn’t bust you for possession of marijuana, they just repossessed your marijuana.

Sex was better too. You pretty much had to be a scuz-bucket to have STD’s back then. Even if you did catch something, it could usually be cured with a shot. I was worried about something on my pussy once, but it turned out to be callouses. I slowed down a bit and they went away.

OK, I’ve sucked enough coffee to wake my ass up so now I’m going to work on my murder confession.




  1. Now I have a whole new perspective on goin to church,thanks

  2. LOLOL, well I’m home now and I didn’t do anything bad.

    : ) : )

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