Posted by: anniewilson | November 1, 2008

FOR SALE

One vote for President.

Yesireebob, I am selling my vote to the highest bidder. I have two reasons for that. One is that I’m really, really poor this month. I don’t think that I’m even considered middle-class at this point in time. The other reason is that I don’t know who the hell to vote for…I seem to have a choice between Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.

I don’t want to vote AGAINST anyone and I want to be able to hold my head up high and tell people exactly why I voted for the person that I did vote for…because it was profitable. And I don’t mean the kind of profitable where you have to stand in long lines to get paid by the politicians who promised to raise your monthly benefits…not at all. I want a one time, lump sum payment and I’d like it in fifty’s, please.

The lottery thing doesn’t seem to be working out and I had to make a choice between feeding my animals or feeding myself yesterday. I chose to buy them food. It’s OK, I still have some Ramen Noodles. But, I would have liked to have bought myself some berries or maybe even some ice cream. I am JONESING for ice cream right now. No, I want a frappacino from Starbucks! Ooh, I’m just teasing me.

They say that this campaign has spent a total of 5 BILLION dollars. That’s just about perfect. Each American could have gotten a $20 Starbucks gift card with all that money. But, it’s too late to buy my vote with 20 bucks…now I demand at least 5 grand. I would have taken less before my phone started ringing and the commercials started popping up all over.

Oh, I could probably vote in 2 other states so if you got me a plane by Tuesday, I could visit all 3 states and vote for you 3 times! And they’re all good states too, Virginia, Illinois and Georgia. So, for 5 grand you get 3 votes in 3 key states. Not bad, ‘ey?

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