Posted by: anniewilson | November 12, 2008

What day is this?

As I laid in bed thinking last night, I decided what I would write about this morning. I remember thinking, “Should I get up and write it down?” Then I thought, “No, this is too obvious to forget.”

Guess what?

Not that writing it down would have helped, I did write two ideas down on an envelope that I can’t find. If I can’t come up with something else, I’ll have to start off with pubes again and run the risk of being called “That Pubic Hair Chick”. I’m already working on “Old Cat Lady Down The Street That Children Are Afraid Of”. I don’t have time to live up to another title.

But, I did sort of imply that I would let you guys know how my own shaving experience went so I do owe you, at the very least, a pube update.

Well, I’ll tell ya…it went like this. I started out by bracing myself as I entered the steaming hot water. I laid there watching my boobs float for a while and then I realized that I had that “Cold Boob Thing” going on so I slid down and warmed them up.

I have names for my tits, Left boob-Sally, right boob-Sue. (Makes no difference who takes who. : ) Once you’ve named something, you sort of empathize with it and my boobs are no different. I’m sure they didn’t want to be cold. They weren’t quite nipple hardening cold, but they could have gone that way if I thought about it at all. So, I warmed them up.

Then I washed my hair and applied conditioner. While I was sitting there waiting for the conditioner to work, I looked at my legs and realized that those were two hairy little appendages. It occurred to me that I haven’t been laid in a while and I’m not quite sure when I will be laid again. That’s why my legs are so hairy. That, and of course the knee high socks that I wear every single day. This time of year all women let those leg hairs go a tad longer sooner or later.

Then, I rinsed the conditioner out of my hair and clipped it up so that it didn’t hang in bath water. You never know when a soap scum island will float past you and I didn’t want any in my hair.

Then I looked at my pubic hair. I remembered how proud I was of the first 3 that I found in 1970. How could I just whack them all off now? I may have to give those pubes a name too. (I just thought of a name for my pubes…Shelly. I’ve already written this post, I just came back to tell you about Shelly.)

So, although my hairy legs and pits were shaved clean, my pubes are right where they’ve always been except for that short time that I did shave them for my unappreciative ex.

There was absolutely nothing in that for me. I would do it if a dude asked me to. He knows how he likes his box lunch and I’ll put parsley next to it if I have to. But in the meantime, I’m not going to harm one hair on my coochie coo coo. It’s not bothering me and there’s the possibility that I could be standing up in the shower shaving my pubes and somehow slip and break another bone. What would I tell the docs?

I hate falling down but I seem to do it on a regular basis. Yesterday I was walking the dog and he sort of pulled me a bit as I stepped on a small dip in the sidewalk covered with leaves. My right knee and wrist took the brunt of the fall but it was just one of those scraped knee things. I scraped it good, even the touch of my pants hurt the stupid thing today. It scraped a hole in my jeans AND in my long johns. Anyway, I quickly got up and tried to hobble away.

Naturally this was rush hour and there was quite a bit of traffic right there. A LOT of people saw me go down and I had to get up, walk away and wait for the cars with people who didn’t just see me get pulled down onto the concrete by a dog obviously bigger than myself. Of course, someone stopped to see if I was OK which made the situation worse because now my tumble was a traffic issue. She stopped the traffic and therefore the people who hadn’t seen me fall and I really wanted them to come along soon.

I was still in that, “Am I OK?” mode so I couldn’t answer her except to say, “Ouch.” Then I started walking. I figured that if I could walk I was probably OK so I just kept walking.

The other day I jumped up my steps in the dark. That was wrong on so many levels. I didn’t have my glasses on and I’m as night blind as they come…I have no business jumping up or down stairs in the daytime, much less the nighttime.

I forgot that I had put a large plastic container the size of a large microwave oven at the foot of the stairs. (Thank God there were only two steps or it would have been a lot worse.) My leap probably would have been fine if that box wasn’t there. I was trying to clear the stairs and the box was in front of them. Down I went again. This was just last week.

Do you really think that I should be getting all off balance with a razor blade in a shower? I think not.



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