Posted by: anniewilson | November 20, 2008

Worm War

I hate this new Internet server. I guess it’s AT&T, that’s who I called anyway. I just wrote a really cute post about my worm war and now I’ll never get it back because of this cheap piece of trash modem and the cheesy cord they sent with it.

This is just awful. Now the cord isn’t only falling out of the modem, now it’s falling out of the back of the computer. I didn’t think about that until I was already committed to speaking to Wilmar in God knows where. By the way, have you noticed the increasing numbers of “Wilmar’s” that are manning help desk phones? The best I can figure is that the help people are in the same country that the immigrant dude from That 70’s Show came from. Maybe he’s a national hero and all the homies want to be like him.

Somebody should really tell them that Wilmar is a gay name. It might be a great manly name overseas like Rocky is here but, in this hemisphere at least, Wilmar is a girly name.

Did you hear about those middle eastern dudes who are now “nuclear capable”? I forget which country it was but I hardly think it matters. I’d like to nuke the entire place and call it Iowa.

Aren’t you glad that you come from a country that can blow up the planet in the event of nuclear attack? We need to shoot ALL of those things into outer space just to see what happens. They’re a bit too dangerous for us to be playing with. Just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you should do it. I CAN screw two men a night for a week. (consecutively, not concurrently) But that doesn’t make it a good idea.

All of those politicians can deal with the nukes…I’m fighting the War of the Worms. Not only do I catch them, I burn them slowly to death and then, just to be a bitch, I stick them to the element until they sizzle.

I do all of that with the sticky strip and since I don’t need that thing for the moths anymore, I just hang it up near the base camp of the enemy like the pig’s head in The Lord of the Flies. Any worm dumb enough to escape past that monument to my might deserves to burn in worm hell. It has a bunch of burned out larvae carcasses on it and that’s it. They can’t say that they weren’t warned.

I must be not only Hitler monstrous, but HUGE monstrous to those little bastards. I don’t know if they have eyes, I don’t see any. But when that sticky fly paper touches their backs and picks them up, they know that I’m there.

Like a neutron bomb, I blasted their entire nation with Lysol and left nothing but an empty cabinet. Then I did the same thing to neighboring cabinets…some collateral damage is to be expected in any war. I figured that as long as I was emptying cabinets, I could empty them all. I need to act as if I’m moving. That way, if I do collect enough cash I’ll be ready to split this worm infested hellhole that I moved into with 3 kids and a worm of a husband back in the mid 90’s. I NEED TO GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!

Could you help me? Pleeeeease?!

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Responses

  1. Wow, that’s quite a range of subjects … nuclear war, flypaper, That 70s Show and the outsourcing of help desks. I love the randomness of it. Ask Wilmar if he’s in India, and what his real name is. I’ve worked trained some of those folks and they love it when you call ’em out like that. Good luck with your blog.

  2. Well Davis, the next time I speak to a Wilmar, I will absolutely call him out on it and then I’ll smile because of you.

    🙂


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