Posted by: anniewilson | December 5, 2008

When do I get to sue someone?

I think we’ve done everything possible to keep the Lord from coming back again. I hope you’re all happy with yourselves now. If I were God I wouldn’t come back without a boatload of attorneys and unfortunately, they’re all batting for the opposing team.

Some lady is suing a bar because she got stuck in their toilet. Can you imagine? What ever happened to getting your ass out of the toilet and acting as if you have a life? Why does every single bad thing that happens require a lawsuit?

The family of the young man who died at Wal-Mart feels the need to sue Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart MUST be responsible, the cops came by the week before and told them, and all the other retailers, “You guys are responsible for keeping things peaceful here!” I wonder how far the cop’s complete and utter professional apathy spread? How much of the town did they turn over to the civilians?

If that works, then I want to try it myself sometime. I’ll go tell my patients that they’re on their own. That should keep me safe, wouldn’t you think?

I wonder how you decide how much to pay a family for one of their own…are men worth more than women? Ions ago I guess they would have paid the family in pigs and goats. And I’m SURE that men were worth more pigs and goats than were women back then. But I doubt that they got a pig every time some klutz broke a foot.

I’m sure that Orkin is glad that it wasn’t around in the Middle Ages, they never would have survived the litigation after the Black Death.

I could sue someone but I keep doing stupid stuff when I start to fall. I catch myself. I know that you’re just supposed to go down, but there’s some stupid survival instinct in my body that is totally screwing every chance I have for a good grocery store lawsuit. But you never know, I could go down at any time so I could still hit the Lawsuit Lottery. I think with the Lawsuit Lottery, you don’t have to wait 20 years to get your cash. Sweet.

I know it just drives some people nuts when nature is responsible for damage. Attorney’s still scramble to find a victim and someone to sue. If God came down here he’d be swamped in subpoena’s for Katrina alone.

Can you imagine the cases possible if we could sue God? I think that I have a suit rising out of a snowball I took to the head during the Blizzard of 67. If not, I could always just sue Him for creating my lying cheat of an ex.

It just occurred to me that if some idiot can sue McDonald’s for hot coffee, I should be able to get at Starbucks for brain freeze. Those frappacinos can give me wicked ice cream headaches.

I may sue Starbucks for brain freeze and if I ever DO fall down at Kroger, I’ll sue them as well but I promise you this….never…ever…will you hear about me suing ANYONE because I was stuck in a bar toilet.

If I don’t get my own lawsuit soon, I expect some type of reparations. It’s not fair that so many people have things happen that are actionable and all of my misery has been at the hands of my ex husband.



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