Posted by: anniewilson | December 18, 2008

Face Transplants? Why the heck not?!

Medical science has advanced to a scary level. A couple of weeks ago surgeons attached a cadaver face to a live person. Now, with all due respect to the patient and her family, let me begin by saying that I wish her the speediest of recoveries and the most successful of transplants as she goes through life with an improved self esteem. I heard some people discuss whether or not it was a good idea to transplant a face…it’s as good an idea as is a replacement boob. Maybe even better, I could drop a tomato in my bra, I can’t fake a face.

All respects being paid, now I simply must say something. BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Are you kidding me? That poor chick has to face every single day seeing her donor when she looks in the mirror instead of herself. It adds a whole new meaning to the sentence, “I see dead people!” The ethics of the procedure were discussed and it was decided that in cases of massive trauma where the victim has no other options…and no other face…they will scrape the face off of a dead guy and put it on a live person.

While discussing the merits of this case, one anchor woman from CNN made quite the racist little comment. She said that “…obviously you can’t put a black face on a white person…” Well, I want to know this, why can’t you? All the gray temples in the world won’t be as distinguished as will the white person with the black face.

If the tissue is compatible, there should be no problem with a trans-racial face transplant. To imply that there is a problem with that is akin to saying, “Well, no face at all is better than a black face!” and when she dismissed the idea of trans-racial face transplants, that’s the message she sent.

Oh, by the way, has anyone told Michael Jackson about this? I can hear him now in his little Mickey Mouse voice saying, “Did you hear that! They can transplant an entire face and all I need is a nose! Yippee! Yippee! Call the local morgue and tell them I’ll take any nose they have. If it looks bad, I can always have another 32 nose jobs! OMG! I’m the universal recipient of all noses…I can get a new one every WEEEEEEEK!” Color wouldn’t be an issue and they wouldn’t haven’t to last that long if you had a steady supply of dead people noses, you could get a new one before rejection screws up the old one. Michael may be broke, but I bet he could trade a song by the Beatles for a nose or two. Heck, I’d give him my nose for ‘Yesterday’ today!

There are a few other people who could benefit from a face transplant. Not that they should get one to help THEM…it’s more or less a safeguard for society. Some faces just don’t belong in public. Off the top of my head I can think of that chick who’s having multiple surgeries to turn into Barbie, Jim Carville and, of course, Nancy Grace. I considered adding Arnold to that list but like Burt Reynolds, all he needs is real skin instead of whatever he’s crafted that face out of.

Can you imagine what could happen if this practice caught on? Jennifer Anniston could shoot Angelina Jolie in her artificial heart and some spoiled teenager could say, “Daddy…buy me Angelina Jolie’s face…pleeeeease!!!”

Famous people could auction their faces off before they die and raise a LOT of money. As a matter of fact, that is one helluva an idea and I want in on it. Not as a customer, I’ll deal with the face I have…but I’d like to be involved somewhere in the transaction. I could be the first commercial face auctioneer.

And I wouldn’t allow racism to enter into my business at all. If some white chick wants to look like Beyonce, I say, as long as the tissue matches, let the girl look like Beyonce!

I can see the personal ads now, “SWM seeking white chick with black face for intimate encounters.” You know some guys would develop a fetish for the face people. And who knows, in another hundred years it could be the “look” sought out by Vogue and other such trendsetting publications.

Yeah, I think face transplants are a good thing. But, just in case the Jehovah’s Witnesses are right, I think that we should slap the recipient’s old face on the donor before burial. Face transplants might seem a bit odd, but then again, some men have their asses sliced off and attached to their heads. And perhaps the face transplant technology will help bald men too! If they get good enough at it, they can find a hairy Greek ass to attach to a bald Irish head! Like stem cell research, the possibilities are endless.

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Responses

  1. Yay recycling!

  2. LOLOL, exactly. I knew there would be some reason that Hollywood would want to be involved, especially when it’s suggested that face transplants are good for the environment!

  3. If I was the recipient of a face transplant I would hang out out in my donor’s neighborhood and ‘haunt’ all their old friends. Does that make me a bad person?

  4. No, it makes you one helluva funny person and just the type of friend I would love to have!


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