Posted by: anniewilson | January 15, 2009

OK…but it’ll cost ya!

I just woke up from having that hideous dream that won’t stop. As usual, it consists of me finding incontrovertible evidence that Rick is cheating on me and yet when I beg him to tell me the truth he won’t do it. I dream that particular dream more often than I’ve dreamt any other dream in my life. It’s really getting old. It woke me up and I lay there thinking that I wish I would have let that fool be a one night stand. He really wasn’t worth more than that and looking back, our marriage was a cacophony of one night stands.

If I would have stuck to the rules that I had then, I would have been fine. One of my top rules was “Do not get involved with a man who was in a marriage or long term relationship within the past 6 months.” Then of course there was the “Don’t date men that earn less than I do.” thing but that was just there to wean out gold digging men…and they do have them. He broke those 2 and others. Oops, I guess I broke them. Crap.

I think I’m going to add a new rule to one night stands. In the case that there is a one night stand which was NOT of my choosing, meaning that the dude just stopped calling…I charge $500. Cool. I like that idea. I would be willing to fork over 500 to a guy I wanted to get rid of…certainly if I went to bed with him. I’d just want it out of my mind. So, since I can be more annoying than most people if I set my mind to it…I think $500 is a good price to be able to forget about me.

On top of that, I think I’m going to make it retroactive. It’ll cover one dude that I’ve known for 10 years and then never heard from again after we slept together. Actually, that was a pretty bad lay so I should probably demand double for it.

Oh! I just had an idea! I could go to the sports bar around the corner and have a one night stand with a regular. THEN, from now on when I go in and he’s there…I could just drink on his tab! I LOVE my new rule! Free drinks for me FOREVER! Yes…I am good.

Ladies…we need to make this a new social rule…don’t you think? The more of you that agree with me and help follow the rule, the more likely it will be that our daughters will benefit from our actions. They won’t even have to ask. They’d just get an envelope after 3 days of no phone call.

And no, it’s not prostitution. The sex was free. That’s over now. This is business. The night I spent with a one night stand could have been better spent elsewhere so if he was just wasting my time, it’s more of a tort situation, legally speaking. So, it can’t be considered prostitution.

It’s not blackmail because we aren’t threatening to do anything if they don’t pay. As I said, if I made a wrong move and had a one night stand that I never wanted to see again, I’d give the guy $500 bucks to stay out of my life forever. Men should be at least that willing to get us out of their lives.

I wish that I had a tiny lapel camera that I could wear when I mention the money to the guys. That’d be so cool. Of course, if one were to pay me, I wouldn’t bother showing it to anyone. It would only be interesting if the dude refused to pay. That would be great YouTube material…doncha think?

Well, I’m going to wash the dishes because it’s too early to begin collecting my money.

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Responses

  1. interesting idea . . . I’ll start spreading the word!


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