Posted by: anniewilson | January 26, 2009

Black Market finds New Market

Returning to this wasteland that is the dating world has been rather enlightening. The very first lesson that I learned was quite a shock to me. For some reason I thought that men grew out of their groping ways. I don’t know why I thought that, I just did. But, as I quickly learned, they haven’t lost a bit of their old confidence, just their hair.

So, when I read about a community in Florida where the women outnumber the men 10:1, I wasn’t at all surprised to read that men who are even OLDER, like at death’s threshold old, are still seeking that “one-night meaningful relationship.”

And apparently, they don’t want to spend a lot of their Social Security checks in their attempts to conquer an 80 year old woman. “A lot of the men down here are cheaper than heck, and a lot of the women are extremely brazen. Some girls will go into the parking lot with a man and come back a half-hour later like nothing happened!” Well, how can a lady compete with loose women who had breast implants before the Beatles left Liverpool? I saw one of those chicks once, she was lying on her back and she had two rounded things where her boobs should be and if you lifted up her arms, you could find her nipples.

And what the men lack in stamina, they make up for on the black market. “I paid 12 bucks for a single little blue pill.” said one old dude who likes to make the rounds at all of the senior citizen night spots.

That’s just great. Now we’ll have men wielding plumbing long since out of warranty on women hawking parts decommissioned years ago.

It almost sounds like heaven for the decrepit old men, doesn’t it? But there is one huge problem stemming from all of this squeaky old people sex…a local gynecologist reported that she treated “more cases of herpes and human papillomavirus at this particular retirement villages than she did when she worked in Miami.” These people made it through WWII, Korea, Viet Nam, the entire Sexual Revolution, cheating on their spouses and God knows what else. For the better part of a century, these folks avoided the clap and yet they can’t survive widowhood unscathed by any odd lesions, infections or small crawly things. Thank God their parents aren’t around to see what they’ve done.

And shame, shame on those old women! “Whatever you know about 20-year-olds, it’s the same with seniors,” said Roselyn Shelley, a resident of The Villages Retirement Community. You would think that women would have gotten over any self esteem issues before they turned 70. I don’t know why they would service a bunch of cheap old men. At the very least, I would charge the guy a few bucks to make it worth my while.

And of course, where there are women and black-market drugs available, you can expect violence. Local cops do their best to keep the neighborhood safe, but according to Lt. Davis, it’s no picnic. “You see two 70-year-olds with canes fighting over a woman and you think, ‘Oh, jeez.'”

Important Dating Tip For Women Of All Ages: Women, listen to me, if nothing else, get the guy to pick something up at the store for you on their way over to your house. There’s no better time to get a man to pull his wallet out of his pocket. Trust me on that one.

: )

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