Posted by: anniewilson | February 11, 2009

Damn it….

I give up. The stupid chair that I sit in at my desk has slowly been losing it’s ability to stay in the highest position. It prefers to avoid arguing with gravity and simply collapses to the lowest position leaving me reaching over the desktop to find my keyboard. My coffee is sitting behind the keyboard and I have to reach over it to take a sip. I feel like a 4 year old trying to grab a cookie.

Yesterday I watched the Curious case of Benjamin Buttons and as bad as that movie was, it did have an interesting premise, the growing young thing. I started thinking about things that I did when I was a wee munchkin and I wondered how I got away with so much. People all seemed so stupid to me. I guess it’s just now occurring to me that I wasn’t really so smart, it was just that no one was paying any attention to me and I got away with stuff because nobody cared.

My grandparents had a restaurant when I was 1 or 2 and I would ride a little green tricycle around and around. When men would come in and eat at the counter alone, I would steal their butter. It was that butter that was served in teaspoonfuls on little white squares…something they don’t do anymore. I used to think that if the men looked the other way, I could steal their butter…and I did. But I guess if they had wanted the butter in the first place, it wouldn’t have been sitting off to the side.

So, I wasn’t really good at being a thief, I just never stole anything that people wanted. Even today I just steal things that no one would want. I have to take small bowls from restaurants and I can’t stop myself. Once I stole a pitcher of beer. Actually, I only stole the pitcher…I had paid for the beer. I didn’t really want the pitcher, but I wanted that beer. I like Olive Garden silverware…they have nice big forks so I have to steal that stuff. I used to steal Denny’s stuff exclusively but I had to stop when they stopped putting Denny’s on everything. They had small silverware that really wasn’t any good, but it did have Denny’s stamped on it. That made them special enough to steal. I think the plan was that I was going to marry my boyfriend who took me to Denny’s all the time and the silverware would all be from a date of ours. It made sense at the time.

I don’t steal much anymore, but that’s only because I don’t go anywhere. I’d like to go somewhere, but I don’t feel like putting on any make-up and you pretty much need to wear make-up when you go out. I have nothing to do until the 23rd and then I’ll put on make-up, but for now, I’ll just sit here. The 23rd is the day I’m supposed to start work on a new movie filming here in Atlanta…H2-Halloween Two.

I guess it’s by some guy I’ve sort of heard of named Rob Zombie. Whatever. They pay so I’ll go and play with them. (OMG! Guess what? I just set up my camera to tape me falling down with the chair so that I could show you guys and it didn’t drop…now it’s keeping me up high in the desk. Oh well, that’s cool too.) I’m not sure exactly what they want me to do but they’ll tell me. They made sure that I was the nurse who did the medical advising and then they asked what size I wore. So, apparently, I’ll be background and advising for that movie which is fine…I just hope to see some of the same people that I ran into on the movies we filmed last year. One of the director dudes was really cute and if I see him again this time, I’m gonna ask his ass out myself. Dare me? I will. He had a lot of back hair. I’d like to get a picture of that alone. (He told me he had back hair, I never saw it myself. I’m not afraid of back hair like I was when I was a little girl.)

So, there’s a cat in my lap and I just noticed that. he must have snuck on me so sneakily that I didn’t even notice it until I was reaching over him to get to the keyboard.

Damn, I want to go on a vacation. I’ll come do dishes if you let me sleep at your beach house. Hell, I’ll even wash a window or two and I usually don’t do windows.

Oh, remember the ugly BeeGee? You’re right…the UGLIEST BeeGee? Apparently that guy had a baby with his housekeeper, much to the chagrin of his wife, a bisexual former druid priestess. I guess it’s tough to claim the moral high ground when you start out as a Druid Preistess. You sort of have to expect the husband of a Druid Priestess to do something like that. Of course it probably didn’t help that the lady seems to have sacrificed a few Burger King’s in her lifetime. Of course, the mistress was a little roly poly herself so who knows, maybe BeeGee dude just likes the cushion. I don’t know. I’m a tiny little piece of bone myself and I think that it would feel good to be up against a fat man. Not necessarily a man who couldn’t leave the house, but I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be up against anyone as bony as I am…that seems dangerous.

I’m almost envious of the wife. I guess it’s been a long time since my ex left me with all of my lovely anger. I sometimes miss that. But, luckily, I memorialized it forever on this blog so when I start to be happy, I can always go back and read something I wrote in February of 2005. That’s always good for a bit of misery. So, is anyone else’s husband having an affair now? I could call them a lot of names online for you!

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Responses

  1. Those cats are sneaky, aren’t they? We have 3 and they’re always watching us, looking for sitting opportunities, especially during the winter. Enjoyed the rest of your post, too.

  2. If you are looking for a “hot looking” director, Rob Zombie is your man! Do yourself a favor though…don’t Google him before you meet him.

    You will want to drink in his awesome good looks in person. You lucky gal.

    By the way, why not just date a guy named Denny? Then you would not have to hide your excellent collection.

  3. LOLOL, all of those Denny things are gone, long gone. That was the 70’s. So, I guess I’ll find out how hot the Zombie dude is soon, but as I said, I kinda like the back hairguy.

    🙂

    My pussycats are so sweet, I adore them. Now, if the small one would just stop trying to screw the big one, every one would be happy.

    :):):)

  4. ALL of the bee gees were hot!!

  5. Well, one was…but he died. That was sad. I guess some of them weren’t to funky looking but the one who cheated on his wife was a goon 35 years ago and he hasn’t gotten any better in the meantime.

    🙂


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