Posted by: anniewilson | September 3, 2009

Lies and other stupid crap my Italian-ex told me

1. “My entire family has been in the mob ever since my uncle was a Consigliere for Al Capone.”
2. “Read the Bible…men are allowed to cheat but women are NOT!”
3. “I can’t tell you where I’m going tonight, it’s business…you know what I mean.”
4. “Go help the women do the dishes, only the men play poker after Thanksgiving Dinner.”
5. “I don’t know why it bothers you…YOU’RE my wife…she’s just a whore.”
6. “No…it’s not a hickey. I was playing football and some guy put a mean spin on the ball and it hit me in the neck.”
7. “The football story was a lie, you’re right. But I didn’t think you would believe the truth.”
8. “The truth is that this guy at work grabbed my neck, twisted the skin and wouldn’t let go.”
9. “OK, you’re right, that makes no sense. It’s just a grease burn. I don’t know why I bothered lying to you before. It was stupid of me when the truth was so innocent and I’m sorry. I really let MYSELF down this time.”
10. “Oh…the fur on the passenger seat…I picked up a 13 year old hitch-hiker. I couldn’t let anything bad happen to her so I took it upon MYSELF to see that she got home safely. Wouldn’t you want someone to help OUR kids? But you’re not thinking about that! Instead, you’re just using a good deed to find a reason to start a fight. I have to get out of the house now. I’ll be back when I’m not so angry at you.”
11. “Face your belly the other way, I can’t sleep with that baby kicking me in the back.”
12. “You should be more like my mother, she has no aspirations whatsoever.”
13. “Did you see the way she was dressed? She deserved to get raped.”
14. “There…you made me throw a big bowl of chili on the wall! Are you happy now?”
15. “Why are you putting on make-up? We’re only going to the race track!”
16. “My theme song is The Wanderer…you KNEW that when we met!”
17. “What do you mean by my “crotch smells like fish”?
18. “Girls tell me I look like [a 70’s] John Travolta.”
19. “I know we just met tonight…but could I touch your breasts?”
20. “No…I’m NOT a bad dancer, you just can’t keep up.”

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