Posted by: anniewilson | September 10, 2009

I’d rip my ex to shreds…if I could.

I heard something today that I liked…”If you starve a tiger, the tiger eats last.”

I think I’ll sit in the lotus position for a long, long time and imagine that I’m a tiger. Then I’ll do a shoulder stand and imagine myself chewing up a few certain people who bug the hell out of me. But like karma, the starving tiger can be very patient in it’s pursuit of it’s victim. So for, now, I guess I’ll just free my own mind from all of the hate, most of the anger and a modicum of the bitterness. Ah, I love yoga.

No matter how hard I try, I can’t obtain complete control of my mind. The other day I wrote that I never dream about my Italian ex. Wouldn’t you know that I DID dream about him that very night? I had to think to figure out if it was a dream or if it really happened because the dream was just more of the same ol’ same ol’. He was bitching at me and telling my children how rotten I was. Then, he got mad at the kids who didn’t agree with him and they cried. He hid the kids who DID agree with him a hotel room bathrooms so that I couldn’t see them and then he continued to yell obscenities at me like he does when I’m awake. I hang up on the fool when he starts that crap with me but you don’t have that option in a dream. I had to listen to his pompous rants and hyperbolic ramblings.

Imagine being stuck in a room with the angriest, nastiest, most repugnant little man wannabe whom you have ever met. It was terrifying.

At one point in the dream I asked his wife, “Doesn’t it bother you that your husband is so obsessed with his ex wife?”

She responded, “NO! You ARE that EVIL!” OK then…if the psychopath says so, it must be true.

In Dreamland AND in real life…the only thing that I could possibly do to stop their wrath would be to lie down and die. Notice that I’m typing these words? I will NEVER die as long as there is breathe in my body!!! (I meant that, it’s funny to me. Kudos to those who know of what I’m speaking.)

I don’t care how depressed I were to become, I would NEVER…UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES…give those 2 yahoos and their minions the satisfaction of seeing THIS bitch give up. As long as they continue to interfere in MY life with such glee…I shall always have a reason to live. High five!

You’d think that I could at least find happiness in my dreams…wouldn’t you? Even lovely things that happen in my life evoke mightmares. When I was a kid, my grandmother’s aunt lived on top of a mountain. It was great, we picked wild berries for home made ice cream and played with the old lady’s arm fat (one of my fondest memories of Granny and her sister, Aunt Willie).

There was one minor inconvienience, Aunt Willy didn’t get indoor plumbing until my grandfather had it installed in the mid 70’s. So, as a kid from the Chicago suburbs, in the 60’s, I had to use an outhouse. It was a nightmare in itself. Day trips were bad enough, at night you couldn’t see the spiders. OMG…it was hideous.

Now, the dream comes into the story…EVERY SINGLE NIGHT that I spent at Aunt Willies found me dreaming that a flood had caused me to have to swim to the outhouse…at night. My little brain didn’t think about the fact that we were on top of a mountain in the Blue Ridge and that a flood would be unlikely to touch us…it just HAD to make the thought of using that outhouse even worse than it was whilst I was awake. That was hardly necessary, I truly abhored that outhouse. Of course, the home made ice cream was cool.

So, as you can see, I cannot escape the nightmares of daily living, no matter how long I sleep. That’s probably why I hate to sleep so much. It’d be cool if I could empower myself in my dreams in a way that I can’t seem to do in real life.

I could dream that I’m a Herculean woman who can pick up sniveling, whiny, miserable little ex husbands and squish them in her hand. Yeah, that’d be cool.

Better yet, I’ll do what my fellow campers did to daddy long leg spiders…I’ll pluck off various appendages and toss them back on the ground, right where I found them. See how much use they are minus a leg and a penis.

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Responses

  1. Wow, it sounds like you’re still allowing him to make you suffer. The only true freedom and peace you can have is to totally let him go in your mind. Otherwise, he really is still controlling you!

    Hannah

  2. Naw…that’s just funny to me. I’m fine, keep reading.

    🙂


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