Posted by: anniewilson | September 18, 2009

People! I implore you!!!

Sometimes I try to be nice. I try too hard every now and then and when I do…I’m left with a conundrum that I cannot solve. So, I thought I’d toss out a couple out there and see what others think.

Like this one…you may or may not have been confronted with it yet but chances are pretty good that eventually you will…what do you do when you are with a person old enough to have one of those hideously huge blackheads of which the afflicted is totally unaware? Rick had one on his clavicle and while it was big then, I’m sure that it is QUITE the monster now. That is, of course, unless he has one of those women who seem to enjoy removing strange things that arise from a man’s epidermis. My sisters are of that school and to tell you the truth, I don’t know where THAT came from. I’m a nurse and yet, when confronted with skin that is harboring God knows what outside of the workplace, I make a diplomatic exit. Of course, I HAVE been known to make a semi-diplomatic exit in cases of an imminent eruption or a man who wants me to banish the foreign entity from his body. Yeah right. I can refer them to one of my sisters, but that’s about all I can do for another person when certain ickyness presents itself.

Last year I found myself behind a much older man and one morning I awoke to his back. I couldn’t believe the monster blackhead that I had, no doubt, touched and yes…even made love to. That got me out of bed quicker than would have an approaching kangaroo.

That’s the last I saw of that guy…yes, the blackhead did it. That may make me seem shallow…but you never saw that thing.

Trust me, I did the right thing. I can’t always be nice.

I could never have sex with that guy again. I would worry about that blackhead like I worry about my finger that gets too close to an asshole. I don’t mean an asshole like Mark Colletti, I mean a real asshole. I would never venture there on purpose (not that there’s anything wrong with it….PEREZ!!!), but occasionally, in the past…and against my better judgement, I have tried to do a bit of an anal favor. I quickly took that particular number out of my repertoire.

So much of sex is in your mind and anal involvement simply serves to ruin the mindset, if you know what I mean. I sit there (or lie there) and think about keeping a shitty finger away from anything that I don’t want to contaminate. Generally, there isn’t a damn thing that you want contaminated in your immediate area…especially if you’re naked. There ARE a couple of exceptions…if I can reach the dude’s wallet, I’ll wipe my finger on it. If not, I’ll stick it in his amorous mouth.

That may seem a bit much, but it’s better than being obsessed with washing the e. coli off of my finger during sex. And don’t forget that I had already said “ICK!” before I was coerced into some guy’s asshole. I have too many other talents to be worrying about asshole involvement during sex. By the way…yes, there is that certain area AROUND an asshole that I don’t mind exploring…but penetration is NO LONGER an option.

The above policy covers MY asshole as well. Besides the fact that it’s annoying, I could potentially be holding back a fart.


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