Posted by: anniewilson | October 28, 2009

Larry David is a Dick-This Is My Case

I like to think that I occasionally push the envelop when I’m writing. I like to do it and it seems to come naturally to me considering that I just write what’s on my mind. I may make a joke about someone’s sex organs now and then…but not their religious beliefs. I wouldn’t bother doing that even though it might be funny because it’s sort of like going out of your way to hurt feelings. Unless you are a husband who cheated on me, I probably won’t hurt your feelings if I can avoid it. (Of course there are exceptions to this rule…but you’d really have to be a prick to incur my wrath.)

I’m not sure what Larry David was going for in the episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm (he peed on a picture of Jesus Christ) but I suspect it was a play for publicity. His best cerebral work is behind him and without Seinfeld, David is just another Jew with a bad attitude. His character is a nasty little man without the appeal of a Kramer or George. I wouldn’t want that nit wit in my house so I won’t invite him in by watching his show. As a Seinfeld fan, it seems that everyone wants to give me DVD’s of David’s latest season. I tried watching the first season and except for a minute when David’s pants made it look like he had an erection, I couldn’t find anything about the show to be funny.

Obviously the show has it’s fans, I’m just not one of them. I’d like to see the episode with the old Seinfeld cast members, but other than that, I have no interest in tuning in to HBO to catch Larry David being a jerk.

It seems as though the pee was actually a splash-back of urine that missed it’s target. David wasn’t trying to pee on Jesus, but, inadvertently, he did. When a lady subsequently used the restroom, she observed the ‘peed upon’ Jesus and assumed that the image of Christ was crying, leading her and her mother to kneel down in prayer…right there in the bathroom.

Now, I see the humor in that and I’m sure many others do too. BUT…I’m also sure that some people would be seriously offended and the bit wasn’t THAT funny. I would never go to Islamabad and pee on whatever Islamabadians find sacred and I don’t think that David should pee on a picture of the most Sacred Being to ever walk the earth in the middle of America which…like it or not…was founded by a bunch of fervent Christians.

If those Christians had settled for some tents and sheets for clothing, America would be like the Gaza Strip. But, we didn’t sit around for generations throwing rocks at English people, we built stuff and created the country that many Jews, Muslims and Atheists aspire to call home.

It was the very same Christians who gave us the First Amendment so David is certainly allowed to be annoying, obnoxious and yes…even offensive. I just wonder why he would do so in such a despicable manner…even if it IS funny, and I admit that it is actually VERY funny.

So now that David has crossed the line into offensive humor, I assume another publicity hungry freak will try to top peeing on The Savior of all Mankind. I’m sure that someone, somewhere is trying to top David’s little publicity stunt as you read this. In case those people are coming up blank in their efforts, here are a few ideas that just might be offensive to someone and funny to someone else:

1. The Rabbi gets lice from a hooker and passes it on when someone else mistakenly wears his little black beanie. Before long, the entire congregation has lice, except for the Hasidic women who are all wearing wigs.

2. American tourist mistakenly takes a dump in that thing Muslims walk around by the thousands. Shocked…the Muslims take the towels off of their heads and use them to snap the offending crapper to death.

3. Pope answers ad on Craigslist to be a “host” at an S & M party. We find out he likes to play the submissive male and has even been seen hanging from ceilings with a red ball strapped in his mouth.

4. Crazy chick from Jersey goes to Utah and puts birth control pills in the water leading to the eradication of all Mormons except the Osmond family who are actually in on the caper because they want to eliminate the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and replace them with their own family members.

5. Called to treat for cockroaches, an Orkin man kills all of the snakes in a West Virginia church. He replaces them all with garter snakes and becomes famous when the congregation believes that he turned evil serpents into gentle beings.

6. A hemiplegic Auswitch survivor and a blind old nazi share the same room in a nursing home. When they learn of each other’s history, hilarity ensues.

7. Shortly after the first gay President takes office, he takes aim at the media who continually refer to him as the Gay Guy-in-Chief. Media strikes back with pictures of the gay president committing sodomy in the Oval Office with 7 prepubescent young boys. Liberal Supreme Court rules that taking it up the backside is NOT technically considered sex so the gay president dude is cleared of all criminal charges and returns to the Oval Office…and to the little boy tourists who get lost in the White House.

8. A Jewish mortician opens a business called Jew-Mart where up to 50 Jews can be cremated and their ashes stuffed into a single receptacle which of course is the no-frills model…you can buy a nicer one but don’t let him sell you the ten dollar waterproofing. That’s basically just 2 feet of Saran Wrap and you could waterproof the dead people in your own kitchen before you store them in the attic. There are occasionally Jews dumb enough to buy the waterproofing, but it means a mandatory tattoo with a big dunce cap on their left forearms if they do. They call it “Jewish Darwinism”.

9. White chick is ship wrecked on island with 32 black guys. She is in charge and the men can’t look her straight in the eye, approach her without invitation or fail to perform the day’s duty. She immediately commands them to build a new world for her as she goads them on with a whip made out of the same stuff Tom Hanks used to hold his raft together in ‘Castaway’.

10. At Joey and Dee’s local Pasta-R-Us, an obnoxiously loud Italian family is mowed down, mafia style, while enjoying a meal of eggplant Parmesan. The hit-man was another guinea named Guido. Guido’s mother insists on driving him to all of his hits after he gets a DUI. She can be very helpful as she was when her son took out the noisy dagos in the restaurant. She could only shoot the kids, but hey…somebody had to.



  1. […] another publicity hungry freak will try to top peeing on The Savior of all Mankind," says My Word and Welcome to It. Then he provides samples: "Pope answers ad on Craigslist to be a 'host' at an S & M […]

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