Posted by: anniewilson | November 9, 2009

Jethro Tull and making out with a really, really tall dude

Good morning!

I spent the weekend hanging out with a guy who entertained me from the moment he came to pick me up Friday night until he left for the week last night. (He went home to sleep…I’m still a Los Angeles virgin!)

We had a lots-O-fun going to see Jethro Tull, Malibu, Farmer’s Market and just walking around. We had GREAT food at a restaurant called Du Par’s which is at the Farmer’s Market. Yesterday we started out for Brentwood and Bundy Lane so that I could take pictures but we were mainly walking and by the time we got close to our goal, we were losing the sun so we just turned around and went back to my place to make-out. I haven’t done that in a while and I plan on doing it much, much more…even if my daughter keeps catching us and saying, “ICK!”

You know, you can kiss a lot of bad kissers in a lifetime and lord knows that I certainly have. So, it’s always a nice surprise when you come across a really accomplished kisser and I certainly have. Unfortunately, there are far too many kissing fish out there and I’m very disappointed after most kisses planted upon my lips. Oddly enough, a bad kisser has just as much confidence in their kissing abilities as does a really GOOD kisser so just in case there are any bad kissers out there (and chances are there are a LOT of them!), here are a few things to ponder BEFORE you assault another person with your lips:

1. Hard lips are only good for expressing derision and you should NEVER express derision in a kiss. I hate it when I kiss lips that seem to be in a foul mood, relax those bad boys and enjoy the moment.

2. If the lips you’re kissing keep wandering away from your mouth, consider the fact that you might be offending them with your tongue, your lips or your facial hair.

3. This seems to be a tough one for some moustachio-ed men…if the person you’re kissing continually jumps and says, “OUCH!”, you might have one of those faces that hurts. Be on the look-out for sharp hairs. You wouldn’t want to kiss a porcupine and neither would I!

4. If the chick has road rash on her cheeks, you should stop rubbing her face with your own.

5. Just because she let you kiss her, that doesn’t mean your hands can act like Daniel Boone, keep them away from boobs, crotches and backsides for at least a FEW make-out sessions.

6. Here’s a good rule to remember…if your hands aren’t soft, touch others softly with them.

7. A kiss is hard to refuse if you have your hands on both sides of a woman’s face.

8. Pay attention to a short person’s neck…they might be badly positioned. You never want a chick to remember you as the person who gave her whiplash.

9. Tongues should NEVER encroach uvula’s…if you’re going to let one out to play, keep good control of it.

10. Your best bet is to let another person kiss you for a bit and when you figure out what they’re doing, do it right back. It might not be exactly what they want, BUT…they can’t get mad at you for doing it!

My ex could have used some lessons in kissing and I’m glad I didn’t help him out. It’s nice to know that he’s annoying someone else with his mouth, moustache and bad breathe.

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Responses

  1. May I add one or two Annie? Watch the garlic, unions, and other negative aromas. Giving tongue baths should be reserved for my species, especially on early dates. Don’t suck! If you have a big nose find a position that eliminates the bumper car effect. Haven’t visited your site in a while – as usual its AGR! (Always Great Readng)
    http://www.sandysays1.wordpress.com


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