Posted by: anniewilson | December 30, 2009

What I don’t like about gay dudes

1. They take up some of the best looking men.

2. They dress better than I.

3. Music, they listen to bad music.

4. They are MUCH better housekeepers than I.

5. They’re always happy and rarely two-faced. That’s hard to live up to.

6. They are generally extremly kind, almost saintly. It’s tough to be rude to a charming man, gay or not.

7. They rarely get PMS so their partners think they’re perfect. I could be perfect without estrogen.

8. They seem to like small, yappy dogs. I hate small, yappy dogs.

9. They run like girls which means that girls run like gay dudes.

10. For some reason, gay dudes all drive great cars. I’ve sucked dick but I never got a CAR for it!

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Responses

  1. You obviously have not sucked the right dick. There are lots of straight guys that will do anything for head.

  2. OK then…I’ve been told that I “suck a mean dick”. I have references. So, you may be right. Will the RIGHT dick speak up? I do need a new car!

    : )

  3. You got me there Annie. There is nothing I could think I might better enjoy than a good ole’ fashioned blow job especially by a beautiful young lady with oral talents(this is an art I am sure you know). I am not gay and I do own a car but…well, possibly you can borrow it? Not to be rude… really, spit or swallow?

  4. That’s not rude…it’s simply a bright consumer. If left to my own devices, I swallow. If some dude WANTED me to spit, I suppose I could do that.

  5. Just for you Russell:

    Well…as any woman would…I tried to avoid this blowjob stuff off for a while. I didn’t know what to say about them so I sort of just put it off and put it off. Now, I just have to bite it and get this over with.

    Blowjobs.

    Oh…the blowjob. That thing that any woman can do to get a guy to hold still when all else fails. Oddly enough…it isn’t considered sex anymore.

    Do you suppose Clinton would still feel the same if he had caught someone sucking on Hillary’s dick? I doubt it.

    When I was a teenager…they made a movie about blowjobs. Well, actually I guess it was more about a lady who liked to give them. I won’t go into the details as not to ruin it for those who haven’t yet seen the movie Deep Throat. Linda Lovelace was a blowjob superhero of sorts back then.

    She taught us all HOW to Deep Throat…but never made it OK to actually DO the Deep Throat without looking bad. How do you tell a man that he has to get down on his knees as you are lieing on your back with your head hanging off the bed without having him wonder how in the hell you knew how to do that? Most of us must keep our skills a bit of a secret for a while just so that men don’t start wondering how we got so good at it. So…without letting on exactly what we are capable of…we just do the regular, everyday blowjob where you just go down when the guy happens to be in a good position for reception.

    Even just doing that, you run the risk of hearing this….”Damn girl, you suck a mean dick.” Sort of a reference of which, I have many.

    A very long time ago I learned how wise it is for a woman to learn how to perform the ancient art of cock sucking. There are many, many different types of blowjobs. There is the “I just want you to get hard and climb on top of me.” blowjob that doesn’t last any longer than it has to…just long enough to get the dude ready for HIS work…not really anything you’d put too much time and effort into. It is rather utilitarian…it works well and is pretty damn efficient…but not too much fun. Of course…it IS a blowjob and it will get the job done.

    Then, there is the everyday, “OK…so we’re having really good sex tonight.” blowjob. You have to put a bit of effort into that blowjob. It just occurred to me that my word processor recognizes that word, LOLOL…slut that it is. You don’t have to be too good to perform this particular blowjob…you just sort of do whatever you think you should be doing when you hear the word “Blowjob.” Of course, you have to suck….blow is just an expression.

    Then, there is the…“OK…so you bought me a nice piece of jewelry.” blowjob. This takes time and knowledge of what a man enjoys. Yes…I do know that. I don’t know what in the hell you call all of those parts of the mighty penis, but I do have a pretty good working knowledge of what parts you do what to and how quickly or slowly, that you should be doing it if you want to make his toes wiggle. That one lasts a bit longer than the previous blowjob…and you have to put your neck in harm’s way to do it properly.

    OK….one of the most annoying, yet Must Know’s of the dick sucking repertoire….the “OK…I’m here for the duration.” blowjob. Now…with this blowjob, a woman has to know a few things to avoid gagging. She must know how to recognize that toe wiggling and be ready to throw that bad boy way back into the deepest recesses of her mouth at just the right time. And…she should not be surprised by the salty, caviar-like nature of…the fruits of her labor.

    Lastly and most importantly of all…is the Linda Lovelace “I really, really enjoy this crap” blowjob. I can’t go into things like that here…I must pretend not to know of such things for right now. My next husband might be reading this and then what would I do when he starts asking what I was talking about here? If I’m not careful, I could find myself doing this every single night of my life.

    No woman enjoys that enough to do it every single night. But…we must all be willing to do it if we have to. You just never know when some guy will come along that’s worth the time and effort. Little else can get a dude coming back daily with flowers than a really good blowjob.

    A few other things that you should know about blowjobs…always put your lips over your teeth as not to cause harm. No one wants a guy jumping around too much when he’s all the way…well, you get the picture. Also…you should learn to handle this without gagging. There’s a little thing that you can do with your throat to further that cause and it cannot be taught….that shit is just innate in some women.

    Well, that’s about the best I can do with a blowjob short of actually performing one and there are just too many of you out there for that so this will have to do.

    OK then….this has been a public service announcement from the American Blowjob Company.

  6. I ended up at this blog quite accidently.
    Annie (if that is your real name) you are awesome and a good sport. You have a fantastic ability to carry a point across and i very much appreciate the in depth answer you just gave me. Are you from N. CA? Anyways, thank you. You made my day.
    Russ

  7. Well, I’m not sure if you mean North Carolina or Northern California.

    Anyway, I’m in Socal…and I’m bored. Where are you?

    My real name is Meg

  8. Hey Meg,
    I am from Chico Calif. It is a small town with a State University known in the past for its party school fame. I came here years ago to visit my sister who was going to school here.I went to a party where someone had ripped the sheets off a water bed and poured about a gallon of “Wesson Oil” on it and decided I wanted to go to school here too. to make a very long story short I have been here ever since. This town is a cultural oasis in the middle of fucking nowhere and I love it.

    Is that really your picture attached to your blog? If so you are a very pretty woman. If you leave me an e-mail address I will send you a pic of me. Mine is russpalin@gmail.com

    Once again it was a pleasure to hear from you.

    Russ


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