Whos dick do you have to suck to get tickets to the Bears game?

It’s not even 7 AM and I’ve already been grocery shopping. Last night I fed the animals their last cans of animal food (they still had kibble) and I was far too tired to go to the store so I went to bed figuring they wouldn’t starve overnight. I really think that I should have bitten the bullet and gone out last night.

As usual, I woke up to 3 mammals staring at me, meowing and growling (softly to get my attention, not in a mean way). They all wanted me to wake up and feed them. I stumbled out of bed and made a pot of coffee. I tried to drink a cup, but it’s not easy to enjoy a cuppa with a bunch of beasts surrounding you so I gave up and decided to go to the store.

Now, I don’t usually go to the store in my jammies, but this morning I just didn’t care. I’m wearing flannel pants and a t-shirt. The t-shirt is my favorite, it’s a Cubs shirt but I’ve bleached it so many times that it’s falling apart. And, I wasn’t wearing a bra so I just put a sweatshirt on over the t-shirt and hit the road.

I ran in, grabbed a bunch of Alpo and 9 Lives and then I ran back to the car and drove home. Now, I’ve fed them all and not one of them has any further use for me. Ain’t that a fine how do you do?

Usually I take my dog every where I go, unless it’s totally inappropriate, of course. Today the Bears are in town to play the Falcons and I don’t have a ticket. 😦 I’m absolutely POSITIVE that there are tickets floating around that won’t be used and I need to know, who’s dick do you have to suck to get one of them? I’ll leave the dog at home if anybody’s interested!

If there are any dicks out there that need sucking, let me know where your seats are, the one with the best seats wins. Damn, if one of you had 50 yard line seats, I could make you smile for days and days.

If I can’t go, I’ll just sit alone in my living room yelling things out to myself. That’s no fun. I can say things like, “MAN! That was a perfect pass play, why in the HELL did he run the ball?” But, there’s no one else to argue with me or even to bitch with me so it’s sort of like watching Jeopardy alone.

I do watch Jeopardy alone sometimes and as stupid as this sounds, I still shout the answers out even there’s no one around to impress. I guess I’m just covering myself in case there’s a stupid ghost watching with me.

By the way, I have to warn you, do NOT order the Dish Network…EVER! It blows something awful. There are no decent channels on the system that aren’t pay channels. If there’s a movie channel that shows old movies, like AMC, it’s a pay channel on Dish. The GAME channel is nothing but reruns of game shows from ions ago and IT’S a pay channel! I DO have Lifetime but I don’t watch racist or sexist stuff and that channel is so sexist that I refuse to watch it.

Lifetime has pretty much nothing except movies in which some evil man is ruining some innocent woman’s life. It’s awful. If there was a channel that only showed movies with evil black people, you’d see it for what it is, but since it’s only white men that they’re depicting as the devil’s spawn, nobody seems to care. I’ve been leading a boycott against Lifetime for years but it hasn’t gotten much media attention because no one minds if the victim is a white man. But, if you would be so kind, please help me spread the word.

One thing I have now that I didn’t have before is a DVR thing. I can record stuff and watch it when I want to. So, I have it set to record The Family Guy and South Park. So, basically, I had a satellite installed and I’m making monthly payments to a company so that I can have those two shows to watch whenever I want to. A VCR and all of the shows on a DVD would be the same thing, but this way I can bitch about it.

Oh well. I didn’t plan on waking up this early but since I did, I have time to clean the kitchen before church so I think I’ll do that. Then, I’ll be ready to watch the Bears game if I don’t get any takers on the blow job thing.

I think I should hurry so I can get to church early enough to say an extra prayer that some horny guy with an extra ticket might be close enough to close this deal!!!